rucnateb Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 so finally after almost a year with this guy...i asked him where we were as far as the future...he tells me that he loves me but that he doesnt know...is he not ready?he says he doesnt know...he cries and tells me he loves me...but what good is that?if he doesnt know anything but that?does he want to be with me?he says he never said he didnt...so what is there for me to do?am i the wrong one here?am i pushing things?all i want to know is if there is something to look forward to in the future....he asked me for time before he left last night...i need to mention that this is his first real relationship...please give me some advise...i am just miserable thanks Link to comment
Goblin Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 Rucnated, I can totally relate to the guy's feelings... I am probably the same situation as he is. Just yesterday was Valentine and my gf suggested to part today. I didnt spend Valentine w her for a reason. We are almost a year together too... Seriously Ruc, I tell my gf I love her too but I am not sure if shes the one anymore..I care enough not to hurt her thus it really hurts me to tell her that im not sure abt the relationship. I think this guy do have alot of feelings for you but there is something specific that hes looking for is just not in you... I am in my first relationship too and im going thru the same thing as he is. It does take alot of courage for a guy to say 'im not ready' when he actually wants to be with you but just not sure abt it. He just doesnt want to hurt you i feel. Dont push him on this. If its not meant to be then let it go... He mentioned give him time. Theres something he needs to think abt and this takes time. Meanwhile hes asking for alone time as well thus let him have his time to snap out of his doubts or stabilise whatever he needs to himself. Whenhes ready, hes ready. If he made up his mind youre not the one then there is really nothing you can do. However do ask him very nicely why he feels this way and how you can help him? Most importantly be there for him...when he knows you care...he will surely do the same too.. Good luck Ruc. Link to comment
rucnateb Posted February 15, 2007 Author Share Posted February 15, 2007 so let me ask u...why do you feel like that towards your girlfriend?I just dont understand why if you love someone why wouldnt you want to b with them...again he says he never said he didnt want to b with me...but when it comes down to a future...?????honestly everything that has been going on with him and i...led me to think that yes....because the subject keeps coming up...i dont understand why.... Link to comment
Goblin Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 For one reason why I felt my gf was not the right one is because she isnt sensitive to my feelings. When I get upset, she would tell me not to be sensitive and be a real man. I dont feel loved in that manner because when she is upset, Ill give my 100% to console her and support her. If she did something wrong, I would not support her but tell her whats right nicely and show that I still care. Look, this guy cried in front of you and tell you he loves you. If hes a good actor then let it go. But if u feel he was sincere, then u shud really find out whats the real reason he isnt ready. Possible reasons could be 1) uve hurt him somewhere, somewhen and he sees this can happen in future 2) Financially hes not ready. Usually guys would want to be the breadwinner. 3) There are other things in life he must focus before he can concentrate on the relationship. Tell him that whenever he needs you, you'll be there for him. If you keep on pushing him and asking him for confirmation about the future then he might feel a little pressure. But if this guy is just having u ard for fun or only to his advantage then its not a healthy relationship. Link to comment
n83 Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 I think you should not just focus on him. If he's not ready for a relationship, fine. But why should you be sitting around waiting for him?? That's just selfish. If he loves you but doesn't know he wants to be with you, then you have two options. One, you can sit around and wait for him to change his mind, or two, you can say OK, that's fine, so maybe if you're ready and I'm still available at that time, we can work something out. Personally, I really think you should choose the latter. This isn't to hurt or punish him, but it's important that you not get too caught up in one person who isn't 100% completely willing to mingle their life with yours. Take time away from him, find someone else or other people to date or socialize with, and see what happens. Link to comment
rucnateb Posted February 15, 2007 Author Share Posted February 15, 2007 goblin...i thank you for your words...and i have been the almost perfect person when it comes to him...i treat him like a king and he says i make him happy...so i dont think there is a problem there at all...that is why i am so confussed...i have been nothing but good to him in ALL aspects...lets see what happens in the mean time my gift to him was a trip to cancun which we were both looking forward to in 2 weeks...now i am having to cancel it besides feeling so sad... Link to comment
Goblin Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 You are very welcome Ruc. Like you, i know my ex should probably felt that shes been the perfect person too but she just cant relate to my feelings. I can also understand how disaapointed you must be at cancelling the trip too. My ex and I have gone thru that in the middle of our relationship. But you will get over this in time to come. You may not necessarily deserve someone better but someone who will be able to get what they need from you and you in return get what you need to. Am just curious what zodiac signs are both of you? Let time pass and focus on urself now Ruc, if he comes, he will come. If not, you gotta move on and find a more compatible one. Lifes like that. I am very sad my ex and I just arent compatible even though we like each other so much....Be strong okay? Link to comment
rucnateb Posted February 16, 2007 Author Share Posted February 16, 2007 well...last night we were suppose to celebrate valentines day even though it was thursday...and he had made reservations at this place...so late afternoon he called me to ask me if we were still going out to dinner...so yes we did go to dinner but the subject was not touched because he wanted to just enjoy our time together and dinner...so at this point i dont know what is going thru his head...i guess we will talk today i really dont know....i am libra by the way and he is a taurus... Link to comment
baddasslegend92 Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 I don't understand people.My girlfriend also broke up with me on Valentines day..Im a libra also.We just seem to put our all into things. Link to comment
Goblin Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 Wow Libra?! Ruc, my gf-now ex or not im not sure is a libra too and Im a Capricorn. Seriously, Libras arent that compatible with Taurus..Air Sign and Earth = dust. But sure things can be worked out if theres extra effort. Like you my gf didnt want to end the relationship also I dont think she wants to change. Could you, to make things better? So im on the other hand, being commited feels like im tortured and making so much effort i just want to quit sometimes. I can relate to you why u might feel terrible losing him. U value social life and friends and u cant bear to lose a single friend. But fear not, its not the end of the world Ruc. I hope u can understand what i say because it doesnt make any sense to my Libran gf.. Anyways good luck Ruc! Just have to really stay strong and focus on whats practical. Link to comment
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