2 Broken Hearts to Mend

[Debz002]

He broke up with me the week before Christmas. I was devastated. Still am. I know I should have let him go without a fight, cos that was what he wanted but I sent endless text messages & emails but he didnt answer any. The last one I sent was last week - but today its been 6 days with NC and Im very proud of myself. I wish Valentines day would just quietly pass me by though as he was a devoted romantic and these kind of days used to be very special.

 

I think what makes my heartache worse is the fact that my 7 yr old son was very attached to him aswell. (we lived together for 2.5 years). My son doesnt have a relationship with his real father so it was a real blessing when we got together and he accepted him as his own and even told him he could call him Dad if he wanted....... and now hes gone. My little boy was very attached to him and is only now, (2 months later) starting to accept the fact that hes not coming back. Im so depressed as I have 2 broken hearts to try and heal and not just 1. Its amazing, He just woke up one morning and told me his feelings had changed, packed his things and left - without another word. He promised my son he would come back to see him, but I now know that was never his intention.

 

Anyone out there with advice on what to do, how to get over him and how to regain my selfconfidence as well as my sons.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Take your son on a date. Go get him a milkshake of ice cream sundae, he's the number one guy in your life and your his Mom. V-Day is a celebration of love and you two have love, so celebrate.

[friscodj]

Welcome to ENA Debz002! Great to have you here.

 

I am sorry to hear of this. Valentine's Day is 24 hours long...it will pass quietly...don't worry about that...

 

I have a few things I would like to say here:

 

1) This could be worse. You could have gotten married and then had his happen which would have exponentiated the pain for you and your son here.

 

2) Also, you guys could have a weird "kinda-sorta friendship/pseudo-relationship thing" going on here. I think if a separation like this happens, in your situation with your and your son's heart so wrapped up in and subsequently devastated by this, I think you will see after you heal from this that cutting it clean and surely as he did was the most expedient way towards this end. Be thankful this guy didn't jerk you around and take you and your son on an emotional rollercoaster ride.

 

3) From here, I would definitely take time away from dating until both you and your son have gotten over this. This will happen in time guaranteed and I would err on the side of taking extra time in getting over this for both your sakes.

[Debz002]

Thks for the good advice. My little boy & I had a great Valentines. I know I should be counting my blessings just now, but its hard. All I ever wanted was a "normal" family life for us, thought Id found one, but obviously he wasnt the 'one".

[friscodj]

All I ever wanted was a "normal" family life for us, thought Id found one, but obviously he wasnt the 'one".

 

I see what you are saying. I've thought about this in my own life and realized there is a difference, a fine line I think, between having an idea of a desired life and seeking someone to "fill the role" versus having, truly accepting, and finding happiness in the life that is now and if a special person comes along, making them part of this life and not a source of happiness or this image.

 

I think when I changed my thinking from "trying to find someone to realize a dream or idea" to "I am realizing my dream right now and if someone amazing happens into my life we can share in the fruits of this life together" I became happier and less dependent on the pursuit of a relationship. As such, I made better relationship decisions not being biased by my desires for an idea of a life and subsequently looking at the other person and the relationship we had together more positively than it really was.

 

I think in general it has been my experience that when I focused on attaining an idea of a life and/or relationship, I looked at the person and relationship taking me to this end through the proverbial "rose-colored glasses "and ended up "settling" for something to get me to this idea.

 

Conversely, I think when you have a good life and accept such, your standards go up in these regards and you have better and fuller relationships.

 

Perhaps this does not apply to you directly but food for thought perhaps...