Past relationships re-surfacing...

[adidas7fire]

I am thinking about asking my boyfriend of 3 years to partake in something that I think would benefit both him and I and our relationship. I am wanting to gather all of our things from past relationships that he and I have been in and burn/trash them... kind of like a clean slate. I don't know why we haven't done this before but this is something I have thought about for a while and think that this would be the perfect time now that Valentine's Day is near. Would you do so if your significant other asked you to do so or would you find it offensive/insulting? I'm talking about letters, cards, things of that nature. I know pictures are different but I'm even willing to get rid of those because those people of my past don't mean what my bf means to me... and I have no intentions of re-living the past. What would you do? Thanks for any responses.

[BellaDonna]

Personally, if someone asked me to do that I would interpert it as them trying to get rid of my past, control me, or that they did not trust that I was over an ex.

 

Would you do so if your significant other asked you to do so or would you find it offensive/insulting?

I probably wouldn't.

 

I think what people do with their personal belongings is, well, personal.

 

Ask yourself what this symbolizes to you, and also how you would react if he says that he does not want to destroy the items you had in mind.

 

BellaDonna

[karvala]

Yes, I'd be very uncomfortable with that suggestion. The past is to some degree who we are. The fact that your bf and yourself are willingly together today should indicate to each of you mean more to the other than the past relationships. It really shouldn't be necessary to wipe out all trace of anyone else from the past. You're asking someone to give up part of who they are, part of their life, which is now preserved as memories, and I personally wouldn't be at all happy to do so, even if I have no intention of reliving the past either.

[confused25]

I personally would be very offended by that request. If you want to burn the stuff from your own past relationships, that's fine. But it's not fair for your to ask your partner to do the same thing because he might not feel the same way as you. I keep the items from my past boyfriends not because I am still in love with them and can't let go, but it's because they were once a part of my life and I'd like to keep things for memory sake.

[Hope75]

I agree with the above posters. If my bf asked me to do that I would view it as controlling and insecure.

 

My past is just that, but I have a few pictures and cards tucked away that are a part of who I am now... and have nothing to do with my present relationship with my bf, or our future together. I know that in some closet in our house he has a few pics of his ex too. That's OK. We are together now and the pictures are not displayed all over the house or anything, but they have some sentimental value.

 

I wouldn't ask him if I were you- I think this is an idea that will backfire in your face and more likely start a fight than bring you closer.

[adidas7fire]

What if I were to bring it up nonchalantly as it being an idea I heard on the radio (since that's really where I did hear it) and seeing what his opinion was about it? I would think that that wouldn't be coming off as being jealous or controlling but more of getting his opinion (and of course hoping that he'd say sure and partake).

[adidas7fire]

After reading all your replies, you guys may be right. It was just something I heard on the radio as an appearance they were holding where single people would take their items from past relationships and burn them in this huge bonfire they planned on having... because many believe V-Day is a hallmark holiday. I thought about applying it to my relationship but I guess if it hasn't been a problem in the past, why should it be now, right? thanks you guys. You may have just saved me from a huge mistake.

[Hope75]

. I thought about applying it to my relationship but I guess if it hasn't been a problem in the past, why should it be now, right? thanks you guys. You may have just saved me from a huge mistake.

 

.............Bingo.