Leaving home

[stopit]

I'll be heading off to college in a few months. This has been the thought that held me together the past 6 years - "There's always the future," and it seems the future has arrived.

 

My situation: my father yells at my mom a lot. I don't really want to go into details, but it's about the most ludicrous things. I can't tell how much of it is the drinking, how much of it is his abusive nature; I can make a fair argument either way. He's been physical only once (that I know of); whereas he regularly has a bottle of wine and several beers, he had downed a bottle of vodka that night. I was there, 13 and everything. I haven't seen anything physical since, but needless to say, the verbal/emotionless abuse persists. He threatened to kill once - which as I type this sounds absolutely ridiculous (like "Call the police" type of ridiculous), but I know well enough it's just an empty threat. He says a bunch of ridiculous things, all empty, and that was just one of them. So again, can't tell how much of it is the booze (the senility?), I don't know. It seems more to be a pathetic attempt at provocation, a low attempt to reinforce authority/power.

 

I know it's not my job to protect my mom, but as the youngest, I don't know what to do come summer. I'm pissed, scared, worried, concerned. As much as I'd rather be out of the house when he starts, I don't know, I feel like I need to be there, need to protect, even if I'm just listening. I can't do much, but I can do something if anything happens. But what can I do when I'm miles away?

[beh700]

I was in a similar situation as the youngest when I went to college except my mom was depressed and suicidal. My situation is different but just make sure you show your mom how important she is to you and how you want her to tell you everything. For the next few months just really work on your relationship with her. This will mean that you have to rely on her, so she has a reason to take care of herself. Everything will work out, and you need to do what you need to do. She'll love to see you thrive in college I'm sure. Good luck with everything!

[stopit]

How did it work out for you?

 

My main worry is that is been escalating over the years. There was no yelling up until I was 8. When it started, it wasn't even yelling; just heavy arguing. And then it became more frequent over the years and louder and angrier. More violent, though not physical. The drinking's gotten heavier at the same time. That's the beauty of tolerance, isn't it? I suppose everything will work out, but what if my presense is what stops him from going further? And then if I leave, how do I know what's going on back home? No one talks about it. It's amazing how things can be so horrible at night, and then the next day it's all back to normal. But I guess that's part of the problem: no liability.

[beh700]

It really has surprised me how calmly the situation has been going. It's been two years and I call once every other night and visit as much as I can, but I still am living my life six hours away. I really don't know how to advise you though because I'm not sure what other family members you have. My mom talks to my grandma every morning and if my grandma is worried about her having a bad day she'll call me. It's our own family grapevine. Maybe if you have someone you can depend on in your family...Are you able to talk to your dad about your concerns, or even when he's sober do you not have a good relationship? If you do have a good relationship I would just straight out be honest with him. Tell him you don't trust him around your mom. Sometimes the truth blows them back into a good perspective.