Revenge sounds good....I'm not myself

[stupefied]

Hello everyone:

1st time doing this, bear with me.

 

I haven't heard from my ex in 2 mos. We have known eachother for 2.5 years and together about a year (we got together right before they went to jail for a year). They were releases in January of this year and came to live with me. In April I helped them get their own place...gain their own independence for the first time. July 14, out of the blue, they tell me to never call again, they are dating a girl, and that if I came to their home, they would hurt me. I don't understand...we loved eachother so much, we shared so much.

 

I tried calling, but get ignored or yelled at. Last Friday I wrote a letter and hand delivered it. No response. Now I'm angry and hurt all at the same time. As hard as it is to admit, I feel used. I go from being extremely sad to wanting revenge. I can't seem to help myself at times. It's overwhelming, almost obsessive behavior. I think about doing things to make things harder on them, and hopefully that will make them need me again and come around. Not cool, I know, but I miss them so much. Call me crazy, I just want them to suffer for using me, but then again, I want us to at least try to be friends.

 

Help me. I keep thinking, what if they are happy with me being out of their life? What if they find someone that makes them happier than I did. What id they have a better life with this new person than they had with me. I keep thinking of what never will be again, and it hurts.

I hate feeling this way!!!!!!!!!

[Slypknot]

I feel your pain - not because I've been in the exact same situation, but I DO know how it feels to realize you were used by someone and they've left to be with someone else.

 

The first thing to remember is: THESE ARE BAD PEOPLE.

You are not a bad person, you are a 'fixer' who probably enjoys helping others and bringing out their full potential. There are tons of guys/girls out there that prey on 'fixers'. Again, these are BAD people who NEED fixers otherwise their lives will be in shambles. They tend to hop from one fixer to another so rest assured - his new girlfriend is gonna have her hands full.

 

I think the hardest thing to get over is the fact that my mind tells me that there's something wrong with ME when someone leaves me?! That I'm to blame, not good enough, not man enough, not attractive enough, not fun enough, etc - that I'm basically a loser. This seems to happen each time rejection happens, either from a long term relationship or even a short one.

 

The best action I can recommend is to get into YOUR own life and let him ruin his own. Do things YOU enjoy, keep the focus on YOU, dig in and find out if maybe you look for guys who are on the down and outs (fixing potential) and possibly you can change that.

 

I know it's tough - the other person in your thoughts non-stop... picturing them in your mind having fun and laughing without you by their side. But we all know this isn't reality. It's a trick our minds use to make us feel worthless and have lower self esteem.... keep that head high and focused on what's important - YOU.

[stupefied]

Slypknot:

 

Thanks for understanding. I do realize that I am a "fixer", and I do think I seek out those in need. Try as I might, I can't seem to break the habit. Although, I thought this relationship was different, or maybe I just wanted it to be so bad that I didn't pay close enough attention to the signs.

 

I know I need to sever all ties with this person, but I find it so extremely hard to do. I've even resorted to callin' and hanging up, driving by the job, etc. Juvenile I admit, yet I think in some strange way it helps. I also realize that I need to focus on my, but I can't imagine moving on and being happy w/o them. I just don't understand what they are thinking. What did I do that was so terrible? How could they be so cruel? I know their behavior was unacceptable, but I honestly look forward to the day we see eachother again.

Crazy?

Again, thanks for the kind words.