HELP! I keep talking about exes

[ItsYourChoice]

So ive had my fair share of crazy dating stories and i think theyre funny...my friends and I laugh all the time about these stories.

 

But I have a habit of talking about this with dates and i know its probably a big no no..even though im talking about just funny situation i know I shouldnt be talking about other guys with a new prospect..even if they are laughing along with me.

 

How do I break this habit and better yet..if Ive done this with a new guy im liking, can I undo any damage just by not doing it anymore?

[annie24]

why do you find yourself telling stories about your exes?

[ItsYourChoice]

Well I would classify myself as an entertainer..i love to laugh and make others laugh. i really have had some interesting characters cross my path.

 

For instance I had a guy who I went out with who after 2 months, we were fooling around and and i put my hands under his shirt and he got freaked out and said "why are you taking off my shirt??"..just oddball occurrences.

 

Also I would consider myself to have a healthy sexual appetite, though im not promiscuous by any means. I have no problem talking about sex in an adult way, but i make it clear im not going to jump in bed with anyone. But I worry this is giving the wrong impression. Its not that ill say "Oh yes I love this and then." its more the type of thing where ill say "I think that people put too much pressure on sex in relationships and it stops being fun"

[annie24]

For instance I had a guy who I went out with who after 2 months, we were fooling around and and i put my hands under his shirt and he got freaked out and said "why are you taking off my shirt??"..just oddball occurrences.

 

stories such as these are good for tell your girlfriends and laughing about them (like on sex and the city), but not really great for a date. no guy wants to hear about your sex stories with previous guys. it just makes them feel insecure or makes them think you are loose. neither is really good.

 

what to do? talk about other things on dates. find other stories to talk about, read more, watch the news, just find other stuff to talk about. leave the sex stories for girl's night out.

[zerohalo]

I think some guys might not care because they might be thinking, "Wow, if she's dated these wackos, and I'm kinda normal maybe I've got a shot." At least that's how I would react.

 

However if that's ALL you talk about is your past relationships and sex, then yeah, it could be an issue. I can't really tell from what you've said if that's the case though.

[ItsYourChoice]

I realize this Annie..and even though im not wanting this guy I dated..it comes off like i have a chip on my shoulder. And even though he may be laughing, he probably is wondering why im doing it.

 

Now what if a guy asks something like what was your worst date ever? Ive had this posed to me several times early on.

 

Also, if ive been on a couple dates with a guy and on the phone and have talked about this and now he is referencing "no shirt guy" how to move forward? If I just knock off the behavior do you think the situation can be remedied?

 

The thing is I have lots to talk about..and I do..current events, work, family, traveling, etc...im not sure why i do this!

[annie24]

I realize this Annie..and even though im not wanting this guy I dated..it comes off like i have a chip on my shoulder. And even though he may be laughing, he probably is wondering why im doing it.

 

Now what if a guy asks something like what was your worst date ever? Ive had this posed to me several times early on.

 

I have had that question posed to me also. I tend to view it similar to the "Describe your worst boss" that you may get on an interview for a new job. Maybe you really did have the boss from hell, but if you totally trash-talk your old boss, that will be points against you in the interview.

 

So, I think it is best to be vague. Or maybe bring up a funny story, rather than start spewing meanness.... My answer to the question is, "Oh, I haven't had any HORRIBLE dates, I can't think of any stories right now. I've had ok/mediocre dates, but none that really stand out." Or, like something that happened to a friend of mine (a lesbian). She asked out a girl on a date (a bisexual woman), and the bi woman brought her EX-BOYFRIEND on the date! Talk about awkward. My lesbian friend wasn't so happy about the "third wheel."

[ItsYourChoice]

Well im not trash talking by any means..its more things I see as funny but youre right it COULD definitely come off that way!

 

SO maybe if he references the ex again I can sort of float past it. Say something like "Yeah I mean he was a nice guy and everything, it just threw me when he said that!"