It will always be a threesome, foursome......etc

[lizziebee]

I was thinking today that for all my jealousy (well warranted for those of you that helped me through it) We will never be the first girl or guy in the bed...so to speak. There has always been someone before us. Human nature brings out the questions, was he/she better than me at sex, cooking, cleaning, driving, joke telling, dressing, education....don't want to go to far off here but I just wanted to remind myself and everyone else who may have some, er, valid jealousy issues....lets just think about who was in our bedroom, kitchen, car, heads before the current SO....

Stand in your truth

[dogheadma]

Why? I'm not sure what you mean. I for one am a firm believer of learning your lesson and then letting it go...

[Follow Me]

The point of breaking up with someone and moving on is to find someone better. thereforeeee the previous gf or bf can't be better then the current, if I did the math right.

[Hope75]

I was thinking today that for all my jealousy (well warranted for those of you that helped me through it) We will never be the first girl or guy in the bed...so to speak. There has always been someone before us. Human nature brings out the questions, was he/she better than me at sex, cooking, cleaning, driving, joke telling, dressing, education....don't want to go to far off here but I just wanted to remind myself and everyone else who may have some, er, valid jealousy issues....lets just think about who was in our bedroom, kitchen, car, heads before the current SO....

Stand in your truth

 

That's why the past is exactly that-- the past. Of course the older we get, the less likely we will have been first at anything with our partner. But that can be looked at as something positive.... after all those experiences with other people they still chose to be with us.

 

I think that's kinda cool.

[blender]

I don't think it's about finding someone "better", but someone "different" perhaps a "better fit" not that the "person is better"..

 

Of course this might just be me, playing a game of words.. so I do know what you mean by someone being "better". You mean "better for YOU" right?

 

Some loves are just a "better fit" for our own personalities, values, standards..

 

Some exes may seem "better" then others, because they were simply a "better mutual balance" of values, standards, chemistry and emotional health and in balance with our own personal issues, and definitions of love.

 

I know that I used to get so "disappointed in myself" when a break up would occur, and sure we all have a "part' in why a relationship fails or succeeds, but sometimes we just need a "better mutual balance".. and we need to make ourselves a "better balance" in our own hearts first too, in knowing how to have the self respect and self love to actually give emotionally healthy love to another.

 

Meaning, that sometimes we are leaving "ourselves" when we choose to end a relationship, because we don't like who we've "become" during it. And this goes for the ex as well, if you are the dumpee, just know that sometimes the ex is running away from themsleves.. or the "emotional responsbility and commitment" that "athentic love" requires in order to grow stronger.. so in the long run it won't make any difference if they find someone who "seems BETTER".. they will still have to do the self work to be "better" themselves first.

[dogheadma]

That's why the past is exactly that-- the past. Of course the older we get, the less likely we will have been first at anything with our partner. But that can be looked at as something positive.... after all those experiences with other people they still chose to be with us.

 

I think that's kinda cool.

 

I think that's very cool. Having points of reference from past experiences can help to make a relationship bond just that much more solid and meaningful as it brings one closer to one's self. It's all a part of the process that we call life.

[lizziebee]

Thank you Blender and Hope for your eloquence. I did not think I got my thought accross on this one but Blender you hit it when you took that ball of yarn and totally analyzed it (I by no means mean this in a bad way!) thank you. Dog usually gets my stuff and helps me alot too but his first post/reaction to it made me think maybe I don't elaborate as much as I should when I try to express myself. Anyway, you guys are my rocks...serious. I can always count on the 3 of you and a few others to get it, and be thoughtful about it enough to spell it out for me! Take care of you.

[Follow Me]

Of course this might just be me, playing a game of words.. so I do know what you mean by someone being "better". You mean "better for YOU" right?

 

I mean any kind of better. Your version sounds good. What I mean is just "better" in all it's simplicity. My ex cheated on me, so I threw her stuff out the door, broke up with her, and moved on to find someone who would never betray me like that. Her physical actions are better, and her spirit is much more pure.