painfully jealous

[sandra]

Hi,

My boyfriend and i are toghether 4 years. He is a very outgoing and charming person. I think very flirtasious as well. He doesn't flirt with the pretty girls only but is also very charming to old lady's etc. He is alway the entertainer, and everybody likes to have him around as a party is never dull with him around. He is a performer (singer actor) and has a show on tv as well. He loves attention!

In the last year I have become extremly jealous. I can't stand it if he looks at an other pretty woman (and believe me he does) It hurts me so much i can't describe. I have talked to him about it before but he doesn't seem to think he is doing that, and if he is it's only natural to look at other people. He has the gift of the gab as well and makes me believe i am seeing things that are not there. This makes me even more insecure as I don't know if i am right when i think he is looking at someone else. But really......... even if he is looking, it shouldn't be a problem. He is very nice to me and tells me he loves me. Why does it hurt so much then???!!!

I get very quiet when it happens and am not very nice to him. The quiet treatment as they call it. I hate feeling traped in this emotion and sometimes make me very depressed. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I just want to feel free!! free of this painfull jealousy!! Our relationship would be sooooooo great if I just can let go of this.

Any advise?????

 

[Dean11607306442]

Hey there, well first I want to say i'm a lot like your boyfriend. I like talking and being the center of attention. I flirt but that's just in my nature. I don't intentionally do it to hurt my girlfriend. I think what you're missing mainly in your relationship is a solid ground of trust. If you fully trust him then the flirting won't bother you because in the end, its just a flirt and nothing more. As long as he doesn't act upon the flirts, then it shouldn't bother you. Obviously if he does it on purpose in front of you, then you should speak with him and tell him he's making you feel uncomfortable. That's just some advice. I love my gf and wouldn't ever want to make her feel bad in anyway.

 

 

BTW - i've learned something very important in relationships - jealousy can be the one thing to ruin it - little jealousy is natural and keeps things interesting, but if your obsessive, in most cases your relationship will be heading down and bumping road.

 

D

[Nobody]

I understand how you feel. He has you as his girlfriend, committed, I assume, for four years now. There is no reason for him to be flirting with every female that comes his way. If it was something you both agreed upon, for a little spice or something, that's another story but it clearly bothers you and is ruing a potential happy, comfortable union. I would sit him down, talk to him, eye to eye, ask him why he does it. And tell him how it truly makes you feel inside. I've been with men (boys) who have said they love me and only me but it's "natural" to look at a pretty woman or strike up a converstaion with her. Of course, none of those relationships lasted long. I got real sick real qucikly of that "it's only natural" excuse. Not only were those men, not mature but along with there constant swiviling heads, they lied and lied and lied some more. It goes with the behaviour. If he learns how much his inappropriate actions hurt you so, and he does truly love you then he will stop or at least clean up a bit, keep it to a minimun when he's just "with the guys" or at one of his center of attention parties.

 

Communicate with him. Tell him straight, how it makes you feel.

 

What if you were doing what he was doing? All of the time, non-stop?

Then again, talking his personality, maybe he would like it?

 

Good luck and remember, there are all types of guys out there. Maybe this personality type is not for you. You know, the 'oh but it's natural to look'........flirt........lie......... then cheat?

[emmorey]

i think it's perfectly natural for men to look at other women, as long as thats all they're doing. Most of the time they don't even know they're doing it. I've accidently been caught staring at an attractive guy. My boyfriend just jokes about "close your mouth, youre drooling" or whatever, because its natural. We can't give boyfriend blinkers and force them to only look at us! That'd be unrealistic and boring for them. I'd hate to not be allowed to appreciate someone's good looks. I love my boyfriend only, and would NEVER cheat, but still it's nice to look. Window shopping's ok, as long as you don't buy anything!

[Wedgewood]

I disagree. Staring at the opposite sex while with your partner is very disrespectful. If you see someone very good looking, you can glance but avoid staring or rubbernecking. The signal you are sending your mate is that you are still shopping around and he or she is not enough.