Any thoughts?

[terk2021]

I am trying to figure out why I take things so hard??? I beat myself up, and over analyze things to death

 

Many people on this board have been through very serious breakups and face depression and anxiety as a result. I went through the worst breakup of my life when my fiance and I called off our wedding last July. I have been through 2 serious breakups in the past few years.

 

What I have noticed is that I get very depressed and have a lot of anxiety as a result. I have been to the doc, spoken with counselors... Time seems to heal all wounds. After all, I would not have met my recent ex if I did not breakup with the 1st one in the 1st place I have had support from family and friends, but it seems I take it to the extreme.

 

I started getting better last year, but as soon as Christmas and New Years came, I started getting down all over again. Outside of time heals, everything happens for a reason, I am better than that, go out and have fun, the right one will come along (we have all heard these and many more)...

 

In both situations, these women had some major issues. I am probably better off now without her (after talking with some of her friends and seeing some of her actions). It's like my head knows that, but my heart won't listen.

[Caldus]

I know the feeling. The heart just isn't rational at all. I still want her back and yet I know it logically isn't a good idea. I have a huge tendency to blow things out of proportion as well. I think we are just very sensitive people. That's all.

[terk2021]

Understood. I am wondering if anyone out here has the same problem, and a cure for it???

[friscodj]

Hey T-

 

I feel compelled to reply to this post because it sounds very much like things I have said before, and in some senses still do. I play emotional Fight Club with myself and overanalyze things to death. For me I think, it is a case of an overbearing father, being blamed and put down constantly as a kid, and simply my personality, the way I'm wired. Perhaps something like this applies to you? Usually, I've seen, things like this stem from childhood and/or family experiences.

 

The guilt you're piling on top of the separation, disappointment, and heartbreak, is what is fueling your anxiety and depression I think. You're good to keep a personal relationship with a counselor. That and gaining wisdom and perspective from this site are the best things you can do I think for this situation. Because I can definitely see your past history with this and your recent heartbreak of epic proportion pushing you further into these ruts of guilt, anxiety, and paranoia. Many times I've found myself fearful to stand up for myself and/or avoid relationship conflicts for fear of failure and/or heartbreak. Hopefully we can get to places of peace and manageability with things like this.

 

Also, naturally in time I think you'll become easier on yourself. The drill sergeant inside of you will simply get tired. And I think some good distance from relationships and that familiar list of relationship philosophy you expressed above will serve you well at this point, as I've been following your story on here. Take a deep breath, relax, smile, and take it easy on yourself!

[terk2021]

Thanks Frisco. Talking definitely helps. Sometimes it seems so hard to control the emotions and be led by my heart and trying to analyze everything at every angle... I know what I need to do, but it's just very hard to do it.