Can't Figure things out

[bigwhiff]

wish to remove posts

[radioheader]

emotional affairs are serious business...it is only time until they turn physical (happened with my husband and a co-worker) you have every right to be hurt and concerned. couples therapy might help you all address what has been missing in your relationship and why she went outside the marriage to get needs met. it is easier said than done when someone leaves an emotional affair...she will probably go thru a grieving process to let that affair go...there are some good books out there...one of them is call not "just friends" by shirley glass...it will talk about everyone's perspective on it all...time should heal some of your pain but you have been betrayed and you will ride a rollercoaster of emotions for some time...if she is serious about it ending and being committed to you, you will feel it...she has to let you be able to express your hurt and anger for you both to move forward...but at some point you will need to forgive if you are to move forward in a healthy manner....good luck!

[Day_Walker]

Both of you are going to have to communicate about this issue, and that is where you start.

[bigwhiff]

Thanks All.

 

luvursmile - You are on the other side of this so I am really interested in hearing more from your viewpoint if you would share it. I want our relationship to work not for the kids but for us. While horrible this was a great slap in the face for me to get me straight, (praying that I stay that way). When did you realize you had made a mistake and when did you let him know that?

 

radioheader - I brought up marriage counseling and she wants to try to work this out between us first. I might need to start in on that as a solo attempt. Thanks for the book tip.

 

Day_Walker - I guess that is my point how do you bring up this problem with out it automatically changing back to my own mistakes. Also how can I go about this with out being accusatory, I don't have any proof that she is still involved.

[Rabican]

Id definitely tell her how you feel. Dont worry about rocking the boat, shes already done that. ITs still rocking, only shes on dry land and doesnt know it, while you deal with the turmoil. Tell her how you feel, and see what she responds with. Is she sorry, is she blowing you off? Go from there.

[caro33]

I second the recommendation re the Shirley Glass book - go and get it, if only to help you sort through your feelings and help understand what language to use in discussing this with her. From memory, there are sections in it for her to read and sections for you. It is also targetted toward those people wanting to make it work after the EA. It helps you both understand how to create and nurture (and police) the walls around your relationship.

 

Glass, Shirley P.

Not "just friends": protect your relationship from infidelity and heal the trauma of betrayal.

ISBN 0-7432-2549-X