my mother won't accept anything

[belitata]

okay

 

i'm 19 years old, and since my junior year of high school i've spent a lot of my time outside my home.

 

basically because my mom and i have bad communication skills, she won't allow me to smoke at my house, and i have a lot of friends that i like to spend my time with.

 

it was considered a big problem whenever i was in high school that i spent my weekends away from home and stayed out on weeknights until it was dark. however, most nights i managed to eat dinner with my family and i always made family time during the week, no matter what.

 

i was on probation for 6 months beginning last feb. for underage consumption. during that 6 month period i had a house arrest and curfew, so i spent a lot of my time at home.

 

once my 6 months was up, i moved out of my house.

 

my mom told me not to tell my dad, making it very awkward whenever i came home (because i come home at least once a week).

 

last night (christmas day) i left at 9 pm to stay at my apartment with my boyfriend. i came home the 23rd, so i didn't see it as a big deal.

 

well, my mom cried about it and after i confronted her that she shouldn't let it bother her so badly she told me to just leave.

 

i don't understand her problem and she won't discuss it with me. how can i explain to her what i'm doing isn't a big deal and that she is going to have to accept it?

[Relationship Coach]

Your an adult now, so you need to do as you see fit. Your mother needs to understand this and it may be that she is just having a hard time letting go. It sounds to me as if you pretty much did what you wanted since high school and not much has changed. Someday if you ever have children maybe you will understand her emotions, parenting is not an easy task.

 

RC

[Psylocke]

Are you an only child, or the only girl she has or the youngest of the family? All of these could cause your mom to be unable to let go. If you and your bf have your own apartment then you have a right to leave after the festivities were over. Until you and your mom have a heart to heart talk nothing will get cleared up.

 

My mom was the same way when I was 19 and trying to find myself. I was out a lot with my friends and my bf. She wanted me home every night for dinner and not out with my friends. It became a big thorn between us as having to go home right after college classes (most of my classes were done at 3 or 4pm) to eat dinner would then turn into me more or less being forced to stay home. Her theory was "well if your already home why bother going back out at 7 or 8pm" Yeah that made social life very difficult.

 

I tried to give her a happy medium by coming home occasionally but she wanted me there every day. I rebelled quite a bit and ended up moving in with my bf and his dad.

[jengh]

god...that sounds identical to my home situation...

good feedback. sorry I dont have more to add.

[TallyM]

I'm 26. And have major major problems with my mother.

 

I got to a point where i had to learn that this was her problem. It was not a problem with me and i shouldnt take it on as my own problem.

 

See this with your mum, its her problem, not yours. You have to be true to yourself and dont let other people's crap or problems or issues or whatever get you down.

 

I dont think you did anything wrong... i know sometimes you may feel like guilty or whatever, but she has to learn to let you go and accept you as your own independent person... I just think keep being true to you and keep doing it the way you want to and let her sort her issues out.

 

Tally.