Confused - friend or boyfriend?

[SecretsGirl]

Hiya, i'm a 17 year old girl and very confused. I have a boyfriend who i have been going out with for over 6 months and i've always been happy with him. However, i also have a best friend who is a guy a few months older than me. There have always been rumours about him wanting us to go out but i never took it seriously, althought he has indicated that it's true. My friend can be flirty with me and is quite often very affectionate. I have recently begun to have doubts about my relationship with my boyfriend and i'm not sure whether i want it to continue. I have just come home from a holiday with some friends, including my best friend and i feel much closer to him now as we spent all our time together. But now i'm not sure about my feelings for him, i think i may have a little crush on him and i don't know how that will develop. Some days i think i love my boyfriend and i don't want aything to change, others i know that can't be true and think it may be time to move on and maybe see what could happen with my friend. Any advice??

Thanks xxx

[idontakre6203]

Hello, welcome to Enotalone... Seems like quite a predicament you have here. I would advise you to wait a little longer, give it some time, think about what you want out of a relationship and who would better suit your needs. Good luck and keep us updated!

[SecretsGirl]

Thanks for replying, well - i just had a visit from my best friend who just came over to see how i was. I hadn't seen him for almost a week (doesn't sound much i know) and i only realised how much i missed him when he hugged me. ARGH - who does he have to smell so nice??

Then i spoke to my boyfriend on the phone and i just found myself finding him irritating every so often (more often then i'd like) and he ended the convosation with ''remember, i love you so much'' sounds like he knows i have doubts, i tried talking to him but he avoids the issue, i have no idea where i stand now!! damn my uncertainty!

[leanmean16]

the way you talk, you sound like youve already made your decision, even if you dont realise it yet. The way im reading it definitely shows a strong favouritism for your friend rather than the boyfriend.

 

although it sounds cheesy, you might wanna make a pros/cons list for both to help you realise or fully make your decision.

 

Martin

 

8)

[SecretsGirl]

I realise that it does sound as tho i really would prefer to be with my friend, maybe i would - i don't know. Just right now my boyfriend is being difficult and jealous of any guy who talks to me and he has been like this for quite a while tp be honest. Whereas my friend is the one who's been looking after me in a sense. I do recognise all the qualities my boyfriend has, he's kinda, caring, sweet...but he has started to irritate me which has never been a problem before.

I'm not sure whether my friend does have feelings for me but that doesnt change the fact that i need to sort out who i want to be with - wether he likes me or not i need to decide.

All my boyfriends have been friends first, i've no idea who, it's just worked that way. I've always got on with guys better than girls.

Thanks for the replies, i honestly appriciate it and it does help

xoxox

[S4il]

Purplerain, i read your post & replies on your situation, I have to say you sound confused, and are in a un-determined state of mind. You like your "friend" more than a Friend, that is obvious...and your B/f seems to love you, and keeps throwing that out, to get your attention. A Question for you...

 

Does your B/f Know this other Guy, and how much he likes you. or how much you like him?

 

ok there was actually 3 questions there ^^^

 

i think you want to be More with your "friend" but you don't want to hurt your current boyfriends feelings, so Your Mind is saying one thing, But your Feelings and your heart is saying just the opposite, leaving you really confused on what you should do. You say it all in what you posted, Reading between the lines.

 

You said Your b/f is becoming annoying/irritating...for whatever reasons.

You also said he says "i love you" ask yourself, does that make you feel Good? Or a little Uneasy...?

 

I saw only Positive things while you talked about your friend. and there is Nothing wrong with that. You know your attracted to him, His Personality/charm/and he smells good, Well Those characteristics that your Friend has, Maybe is what you want. But your afraid to admit to yourself that you want him. And your B/f being annoying, Well that could be because he is just reassuring you he loves you, and is trying to tell you he is around. he probably doesn't feel like anything important when he knows you spend time with this other guy, so he gets jealous, and expresses his thoughts to you out of desperation, by saying "i still love you so Much" Strong Words.....They come from a Strong Mind, And i think your mind is made up, and you need to ask yourself some Deep Questions about what You want.

 

what is important here?............

Loosing a B/F, or gaining a "better" Relationship, Cause Keeping things the way they are is only going to Drive you insane, The Decisions you have to make....!

 

Good Luck sweet heart with whatever you decide to do.

 

Just keep in mind everything you do has consequences and repercussions. Nothing can be perfect...!

(Thats life)

[SecretsGirl]

Thankyou so much for replying. Yes, i think i have figured out enough to know that i do feel something for my friend, and to be honest - that isn't totally new.

My boyfriend does know my best friend, they are friends themselves to a certain extent. However, my friend knows there are problems with my boyfriend and has reassured me that despite the fact that he has some sort of friendship with my b/f - he will remain my best friend no matter what happens. My b/f also knows that my friend has had feelings for me in the past and does suspect that he still does. I'm not sure whether my friend would still want more with me or not but most people saying i'm missing the obvious. And, yeh my b/f also knows how close me and my friend are - tho he doesn't know that i have some sort of attraction towards my friend now.

He can get jealous, but then again he gets jealous of guys who offer to buy me a drink when he isn't around, my other guy friend (who's bisexual) and loads of other people.

When my b/f tells me he loves me it used to make me feel on top of the world and i could say it back with no doubts, now i just feel guilty because of all this confusion and how i've started to think of my friend. I don't want to totally lose my b/f cos we were very close friends before we started going out but i don't know if i can carry on this relationship.

Thankyou very much for the advice xxx