Keep coming to the rescue; what about me?

[soul]

Hi all,

 

I'll give a synopsis of our relationship.

I broke up with her about 3wks ago, we had been together about 1yr. Shes 26 I'm 25 When we first met we both had alot of free time so got to know each other fast. She became ill soon after we met, and with no family near by I was all she had. I was there for her all the way she could'nt work so I helped in every way, finacially emotional ect... needless to say I soon feel in love with her, her soon after.

 

She has been in one serious relationship where she thought they'd get married but after 4yrs. he left her for someone else. This devistated her. she was single for 3 yrs. and only dated 1 guy before she met me. I knew she was still not completely over her ex when we met but I could understand that

 

A while after she got sick she decided to move back home with her parents because she ran out of money. Our relationship turned into long distance 2 hrs away. It wasn't too bad because I have alot of time off from work so would see her often.

 

After she got home I noticed she began to distance herself she has always been a person with a great deal of ambition and drive. This has been a problem because she feels the need to achieve and try her best. A you can tell she has alot if issues Alcoholic dad bad relationship with real mom bounced around from mom to dad, the whole broken home thing.

 

Anyway she began to tell me that she needed to focus on her career and getting her life together. Shethen she told me that her Ex/brf started calling her again and she still had feelings for him, but she didn't want to lose me. A month later she told me that she wasn't sure she was ready to be in a commited relationship. She said that she wanted to be able to she other people. I was devisated but did'nt want to lose her so I told her to just let me know if she met someone.

 

I was miserible after a month I deciced that I could not accept these terms and I broke up with her. She took it pretty bad, she explained that we got so serious fast and she felt that she was too young to be commited and wanted to experience other people. I told her that I love her but can't accept the way he has treated me taking me for granted. She wanted it all, me and other guys to feed her ego. I t was like she got over her illness got a good job and did'nt need me any more.

 

We seldom talk but when we do it's for a long time and I know she really cares about me. I want to give her time to figure things out. But I know I need to move on. She told me I should date a few girls at a time because that is what she wants to do.

 

I think she feels that eventually we will get back together. But I can't be with her if she has been intimate with someone else, I have my princilples to live by. I can't see several people and I would not date anyone who is seeing more than one person at a time.

 

Our relationshihip has always been about her, me coming to the rescue and makeng things better. I have gone out with a couple of girls since, I have no problem meeting people I have a good career, a good heart, good looking, I'm not all that but over all, I'm a pretty good catch. But my heart belongs to her and I don't want anyone else.

 

I don't know what to do, I know I need to give her her space, I can't keep on coming to the rescue and giving her what she wants when ever she needs me.

 

I know she is scared because she thinks if we stay together she sees herself marrying me. She is freaked out by this because of her EX they were'nt engaged but she always thought she'd marry him, and he broke her heart. I have never told her that I want to get married or anything but she know that eventually I want to get married.

 

I'm starting to feel like I shouldn't talk to her anymore so I can move on. My quustion is what should I do? I know that I can't push our relationship on her. She tells me that she has not met anyone else yet, she always reassures me of this, even if this is the case eventually she will meet someone. Should I tell her that I have gone out with other people? Even though it I am not interested in them romantically. Maybe it will make her think she could lose me for good. She says that she doesn't want anyone else to have me, but I think all girls say that. Then they go and find someone new.

 

well any advice would be much appreciated thanks

[crookster_man]

Do what you need to do for YOURSELF. What is important here is that you place yourself first. What is your order of priorities? GF, Work, Self? Does that sound familiar? No one should be more important then you, ever, period. Only you will have your own best interests at heart. You should place yourself first, this isn't selfish. This is the only way to live.

 

That being said, what can you do for yourself to insure your own emotional survival? You need to focus on yourself, you need to start doing things that will help you grow and heal. Be active, run, start a new hobby. These will take your mind off your Ex and help you grow and heal. When you workout, you cause micro tears in your muscles. This hurts, it is pain. However, with the proper nutrients your muscles will heal, grow and become stronger. The same is for your emotional muscle.

 

You have to make a choice. What is it that you want? Once you decide what it is, you have to plunge head first into it. Hopefully you make the right choice and grow, if not. Don't regret your decision - learn from it. I know I haven't given you any direct advice. Before we do that, I want to look at yourself and ask "what is it that I really want? Are my priorities in order?"

 

Remember, you are not alone. We will be here for you.

[4EverNight]

Being in a similar situation, I feel for you. It's difficult to let go. You've given her everything you had to make it work. It seems that your the only one committed to make this a relationship. I know it'll be difficult but you need to let her go, she seems to have done that with you especially if she made the comment that you should see other women and you know she is probably seeing other guys. It's something you don't want to hear but you have to come around to your senses and see it as it really is. Just leave, don't rescue her anymore, it'll just drag you back to the old feelings again. Sooner or later she's going to realize that you were the one who really cared for her. Pushing her to get back with you will only push her away. Let her feel what it's like not having you around to be there for her. She just may be confused with what she really wants and needs some time away. Though you love her and don't want anyone else, you have your principles so live by them. In my case I'm trying to do the same...it's the most difficult thing I have to do but for my sanity I just have to do it. Once she see's that you've gone along with your life without her, it'll bug her and she may think things differently. Good luck and hope things work out the best for you.