Advice needed for helping and/or getting back together with my ex

[wareagle57]

I just I should first set up the background of the situation I find myself in. I'm a 20 year old male. I never believed in dating unless I thought it could lead to something serious, and as a result, have only had one girlfriend in my life. We went out for over 2 years, but broke up this past August, her choice not mine. I still don't really understand it. Things had gotten bad, I admitt and maybe she really didn't need to be in such a serious relationship at this point in her life, but we both loved eachother very much. Her parents micromanaged our relationship and it caused a lot of tension between us. Her parents liked me, infact we were very close, closer than I was with either of my parents. But considering she was much younger than me, they had very strict rules. I guess I was insecure at times, thinking she didn't care about me as much as I did her. And she began to feel paranoid also because she had broken up with me once before, and while we were apart, I had shown interest in another girl and was ready to go out with her, or so I thought until she decided she wanted me back. Anyway, we fought a lot. It was always something stupid, I don't even know why I did it. I was just so scared of losing her, which makes no sense, because the fighting is why I did lose her.

 

So that's what happened. And here's where I am now. In a complete mess. I can't stop thinking about her. I know I love her and that she is the girl I'm suposed to marry. I've tried to like other girls, and I just can't. As perfect as they might seem, they are just girls and I don't feel anything for them as much as I want to. From the few times I've been able to talk to her, I know that she loves me too. But she acts like she thinks we could never be together again. I know that if I could ever actually see her or talk to her on a regular basis, it wouldn't take long before we were back together, but I never can.

 

In the last couple weeks she found out that her dad had been cheating on her mom and they are now separated. I talked to her a couple days after that, and it was the first time we had talked in a while. I told her I would be here for her anytime she needed me as a friend. But she's not living at her house anymore and she's not allowed to use her cell phone or call guys and her grandmother (where she is staying) does not have internet. So Ihave not heard from her since.

 

I really don't know what to do. I am so worried about her, and all I want to do is help, because I know I can. Wednesday is the 3 year anniversary of the day we met. I really want to find a way to get something to her, but I really don't know what I should say. I don't want to push her away and make her think she can't come to me as a friend, but at the same time, I want her to know that i care about her more than anyone else and I want her to be mine again. Her since I lost her, I've realized what a jerk I was to her and all the problems I cause and I just want another chance to make everything up toher and to protect her. Please tell me what I should do. I know somehow we will be together someday. It seems sometimes like God is sending me signs that that's what I'm suposed to do. But I don't know how long it will take, and I just want to start being everything to her right now.

 

I'm very bad with words, and I doubt this even begins to describe my situation and how we feel about eachother or any of the complications, but just believe me when I say that we are meant to be together and that we truly do love eachother. I really think she is going to have an even harder time trusting men now with her parents divorce. Please give me advice on how I should handle this situation.

 

Also, one of the things I was planning on giving her was a cd I made and I looking for suggestions of songs I should add to it. Anyway, thanks in advance for the help.

 

Trey

[zach]

mate take a step back, before you mess your head up if you really want her back you need to do what i am doing at the moment and get on with your life,other wise you will just end up bring yourself down and you wont be able to handle the rejection,just get on with your life and let her chase you ,and if she doesent end up relising and thinking, OH NO I HAVE LOST HIM ,at least you are moving go and have fun enjoy your life as i am and what will be will be mate ,dont start playing games ie songs and this that and other just give her space dont ring her or do anything she broken up with you so she wants space give it her ...................i am doing the same after being with someone for so long even if they break up with you they will miss ya

[wareagle57]

we've been apart 5 month now. We've talked to eachother maybe 10 times and seen eachother once. Even if I can't be with her right now, I still want to be around her and be there for her. We were best friends and I still consider her mine. I don't call her, cause she does't live at home anyway and it won't do any good. It's been over 2 weeks since we've talked and I'm really worried about her. She wasn't handeling the divorce well at all and I know I could help, I could always make her feel better. And my parents split up earlier this year. Anyway, I'm getting on with my life as much as I can. I go do what I want when I want. I don't stay at home hoping she'll call or im me like I used to. The only thing I do is pray about her every night before I go to sleep and fall asleep thinking about her and us.

[wareagle57]

Here's the letter I wrote and am thinking about giving here. There's some inside stuff that obviously you won't get, but i was just wanting some feedback on if i should give this to her, or what I should change. I only have so many chances to talk to her or see her and i want to make sure I have something for her when I get the chance and I'm going to try to soon.

 

It's driving me crazy not being able to talk to you. I have no idea how you're doing or even where you are for sure. But I'm going to find a way to get this to you. I told you I'd always be here for you, but I guess you either don't need me right now or don't want ot need me. But I really hope you're alright and I hope it's ok that I'm sending this to you. I'd give anything to take back anything wrong I ever did. Not for me, but so that you wouldn't have to go through this without me right now. Alex, I know you probably can't believe it right now with what you're going through and it seems pointless for me to say it. "But if I didn't say it well, I'd still have felt it, where's the sense in that?" I really do love you. I care about you more than anything on this earth. And all I want for Christmas is a chance to prove to you I know everything I ever did wrong and that I'll treat you how I should have all along. I know it's all my fault that we fought all the time, and that I pushed you and pushed you until you were stressed beyond what you could take. I tried to treat you like my wife, and like an adult and expected you to stand up to your parents when in reality, I should have honored them and respected the decisions they made for us, because they were only trying to do what they thought was best for you. Believe me, I'm not insecure anymore. I trust that God will give me what I need, and I have faith that his plans for me involve you. And when He puts us back together, whether it's in 5 weeks or 5 years...I will have complete trust in you because I have complete trust in him. I know this all sounds like I'm just trying to win you back...and I guess partly I am. I've never believed in something like I believe in us and I refuse to give up on it. And I get so few chances to get any type of message to you...I want to say my peace so you don't forget. But I really do want to be able to be your friend. And all I want right now is to be able to help you any way I can. I feel like I can help more the closer I am to you...infact I know I can. But I understand you not being able to handle that. Let me know if you want me to come to church sometime with you, or go get something to eat, or if your mom needs help with anything, or your brother needs someone to play video games with. I'm desperate to help any of you any way I can. If you get a chance before you leave ABS (I don't even know when you'll get this, so it may be too late already) write me a note or something telling me whatevers going on and give it to allison. And I looked up that chocolate phone thing, that looks really cool. I want one, but I think I have a contract with thisone for a while. Anyway, you've got to call me when you get your's sometime. Maybe you'll be able to use it and we can call or text eachother. Anyway, I know this is all just a bunch of babeling, but I'm going crazy here without you. I'm not scared to admit it, I need you, and I love you. 3 years ago, I could have never imagined us, 20 and 15. I was so impatient, all Iwanted to do was marry you as fast as I could. I used to wish I could skip forward in time to the day I get to marry you. Now I'd give anything just go back exactly 3 years from today to the day we met, and do it all over again, patiently this time and treat you the way I felt about you. Anyway, happy Dec 13. May all your yabbados be merry and white....er...black? Anyway, I wish I could make your Christmas a little merrier. But even if it's not this year, I know one day I'll find a way to make you say "Merry Christmas to me! again. I love you so much Alex and I always will.