Alone again tonight

[W1nter]

Ugh... I haven't posted a new thread, I think, since I started talking on here over a month ago. Today is the hardest day I've had in a long time. I haven't shed a tear since I moved out almost a month ago and in to a new place after my wife left me for someone else. I've had days where I've smiled and felt hopeful and days where I felt terribly alone. Today is the worst, and I'll probably cry writing this.

 

I feel like the loneliness is killing me. I have an empty, silent house to come home to. The malls are filled with families and Christmas cheer, but I've got nothing to look forward to. I have all this love that I used to give to one person, and there's no one to give it to anymore... no one to share anything with, no one to touch or hold or share my life with. I don't understand how she could be so cruel to someone who loved her so much and was so good to her.

 

Yes, I know I need to move on. I know I'll probably meet someone who appreciates me and someone who cares for me as much as I care for them. I know she didn't appreciate what she had and I know she made a big mistake in doing this to me. I know she's not good enough for me, but none of this knowing helps. Getting there is just so terribly difficult.. I've been on NC since before I moved out and she hasn't so much as asked me how I'm doing. I don't understand how someone can be that horrible. I've got a lump in my throat and my chest aches. My stomach is in knots and it feels just like that day she told me she wants a divorce, right out of the blue.

 

Going out makes me feel lonely. When I'm at home I can't concentrate on books or movies or TV. Hobbies aren't distracting me and nothing will get rid of this horrible ache of heartbreak and anxiety.

 

Yep.. my eyes are leaking again. Just needed to get all that hopeless loneliness out. Thanks. ](*,)

 

-W1nter

[Beec]

It takes time, and it's not easy. Hang in there.

[Cloud802]

Beec is right, time heals wounds, you can't force your heart to stop aching. Try hanging out with friends more often and you'll get more of those feel good spurts. And you are mistaken, knowing that you'll most likely find someone else helps more than you think, because if you thought you never would then that could lead to a deep deprssion which is even worse than you have now.

[sandyv]

W1nter: I feel your pain, god I know how the heartache feels endless, this is the first Christmas I'll be alone.

 

No one could have loved my ex more than me, but he chose to throw it all away, I'll never understand why, and I find myself sad no matter what I do much of the time. Things I used to enjoy mean nothing lately.

 

I would like to get myself back, but its really tough, we just gotta keep putting one foot in front of the other and move on..

 

Take care.... things WILL get better for you and me too....

 

Sandy

[stunned]

W1nter,

 

I understand your pain. I think we're all feeling the additional stress of the holiday season. Loss of a loved one (be it by breakup or death) is not easy and there are many stages to healing. Depression is normal, but you'll need to fight it if you don't want it to overwhelm you, especially this time of year. Throw yourself into activities. As has been posted before, helping others makes you feel better. See if you can volunteer for some charitable event (toy collection for needy children, soup kitchen, etc). Keep busy and you may find that your thoughts don't focus as much on your breakup. Keep posting here, especially when you're down. The people on this forum are so great and supportive.

 

Like you, I have had ups and downs over the past 2 weeks since my live-in ex of 7 years left. I find that I have to get out of the house to keep my sanity since everything about the house reminds me of her. However, running errands this week made me teary-eyed too because I miss her. It's been tough going due to weather and now a respiratory tract infection. But I can tell you, as soon as I'm well (and I hope that's early next week) I'm going to throw myself in to volunteering for even more of the local not-for-profits. The food bank, the senior center and the small hospital all need volunteers. I'll sign up for one of them. I'm already a volunteer for 2 other local volunteer groups. I'm hoping they keep me busy this month. I need to throw myself into activites, make new friends, and basically do all that I can to keep positive thoughts flowing, which means keep my mind off my ex's departure.

We'll all get through this difficult holiday time together, W1enter.

[Vynde]

Hi Winter,

 

We have spoken before a few times through PM, but our stories are somewhat similar. I know from experience that sometimes words, no matter how first-rate and inspiring there are, still can’t make you feel any better. Sometimes the anguish it that bad, as I’m sure it is for you (me as well sometimes)

 

I know it hard to imagine a life without this human being, and even harder sometimes to get mad at them for hurting us so badly. We love them, and still have a strong attachment to them and why shouldn’t we? We are not people who can simpley walk away like they did, so of coarse we are going to hurt and hurt bad. Guess what? It’s normal. To be honest, I would be more worried about you (and me) if we didn’t feel like this..right?

 

The holidays will hurt, I wont lie. I know, I can feel it myself. I try to take comfort in that I have people who love and care about me, friends who will support me and a GREAT heart.. Just like you.

 

So - stick to the plan, keep moving around, keep talking, keep busy - Time will heal us, we just don’t feel like going through the motions.

 

I can’t wait for the day, where I talk to you, and we look back at these postings and see how bad we were and how far we have come. Can you see that day?? I can. I still find it hard to believe, I won’t lie but it IS there. One day we will be there. It’s a guarantee.

 

Hang on my friend. Well get through this.

 

John

[LONESOUL]

Hi Winter, I'm sorry you are having a hard time. I know that other then the

death of someone I loved very much, my break up is the heardest thing

I have ever been through. The cycles suck. Have you been keeping busy?

I started to let my guard down a little and give my mind more free thinking time then I should have too early on, I think it set me back a bit~thats why I asked. Time to think isn't always our friend. But the passing of time, now thats a different story! Hang there, post more often because we are all here for you. You can do it.

Take good care~

Lone

[kekep]

 

I feel like the loneliness is killing me. I have an empty, silent house to come home to. The malls are filled with families and Christmas cheer, but I've got nothing to look forward to. I have all this love that I used to give to one person, and there's no one to give it to anymore... no one to share anything with, no one to touch or hold or share my life with. I don't understand how she could be so cruel to someone who loved her so much and was so good to her.

 

I know exactly how you feel. I look around and it seems like there are lovey-dovey couples everywhere--at work, the malls, bars, pretty much everywhere you look! But a wise friend told me something that really struck home: All of those couples and people you see that seem so happy, they ALL have problems and issues in their relationships too. Nobody has a perfect relationship, and neither will you. And most likely, someone who sees you might think you have your sh*t together, and has no idea that you're going through emotional turmoil right now. Looks can be deceiving. Not to say there aren't happy and content people out there. But don't fall into the mindset that everyone is OH SO happy with what they have, because a lot of the times, that isn't the case.