Not so sure I am happy in my LDR

[kbkpug]

I need some advice in my LDR. I met my bf online thru school. He cannot move to be with until he has his car fixed when he gets his income tax return early next year. We talk on the phone every day-I sent him the sim card for his cell phone so we could talk for free.

My problem is he never sends me anything-or emails or texts me. I have read that this is crucial to the LDR-I already knew that but reading it made me feel like I wasn't just being weird or something! I told him I needed this but still nothing

He loves me and I love him. But I need something to keep me going-I cry alot-I need something to take the place of physical contact.

I told him what I needed but how do I make him understand that I need really need this and that it is important?

[Grokker]

Tell him how you feel, and see what he does.

 

If he takes the train or the bus out to meet with you... you can pick him up at the station... then he loves you.

 

If he makes some excuse about waiting for a tax return to get his car fixed, even after you've told him that you need physical closeness... then he doesn't love you.

 

I'm sorry, but if he doesn't email or text or send you anything, ever, I'm guessing he doesn't love you and it's time to move on. I mean, you already sent him your sim card so he could talk to your for free, and he won't take a bus to come see you one weekend?

[kbkpug]

I went out there in August and he did take a 18-20 hour bus ride one way to come here. He says he does not want to set a "date" for coming here to live as he does not want to disappoint me.

From a guys perspective, which I am trying to understand, why can't he send a card or something? I sent him several. Of course I know that this stuff is not as important to men as it is to women but ugh!

[Grokker]

I used to be in an LDR for almost two years. I'm a guy, and I really loved this woman who lived on the other side of the world. I sent her signs of my attention all the time, cards and gifts sometimes, emails and messages just about every day.

 

Finally I moved to be with her and we stayed together for six happy years. That was an 18-20 hour plane ride!

 

If a woman was important to me, then even as a guy I would do what I knew was important to her... give her the attention she needed, especially in an LDR.

 

It's not the cards or emails that are important to guys, it's the woman... if the guy is really into her, he will listen and respond to her needs.

[kbkpug]

Tonight I sent him the second long email telling him how I feel. It is like he reads it but does not get the message.

The thing that stinks is that we have so much in common. More than with any other man I have ever met!

Sometimes I just want to quit until he can come out here but then I would probably be just as bad off if I did that.

Any advice on how to get through his "man" head?

[Grokker]

The only thing I can think of is to stop showing him any attention either. For a while, don't email, don't call, don't text, don't do any of the things you usually do.

 

If he's still into you, you will hear back from him real quick!

 

See.. this is an LDR for him too. As long as he can take you for granted (getting emails and stuff from you all the time) he may feel like he's too busy to care about your needs.

 

When he stops hearing from you, all of a sudden he'll miss you, and wonder what happened, and wonder if maybe you met somebody in your own town. Those same thoughts go through guys' minds as well as girls'.

 

He may end up realizing that he needs you too... which he didn't realize while you were always being there for him. As a result, if he does love you, he will become more considerate of your needs in the future.

[QueenoftheMotN]

Amen. Very true.

 

You know, I hear that from more girls then I can count in LDRs:

 

"He doesn't respond back.."

 

Us women are creatures of language by nature. We're genetically wired (in general) to be more expressive in the spoken and written word. We also tend to see verbal communicate as the *most* valid form of communication and are inclined to forget other valid forms of communication like body language, touch, gifts, or acts of service...

 

Of course if a guy really wants to keep his woman, he'll get smart enough to do it. Alot of women try to "help them out" because they're afraid of the guy not coming through and thereforeeee them not really being wanted.

 

*cough* at least, er, that was my problem. Eh hee hee. *nervous grin*

 

So yeah. Back off a bit girly, get outside!

I mean it, make your friends take you to the movies.. or sleepover even if that's what it takes for you to spend 48 hours without communicating to him. Even if he doesn't say something, hold out for a week at most. You'll find the first 48 hours are the hardest to deal with.. then after a while, you get used to it. He'll realize what he's been taking for granted and work to sweep you off your feet again

 

Good luck though, girly!

 

Queenie!