This stuff just doesnt work out for me...

[salax02]

Here's a little background of myself. Im 17, 5'9 and overweight with brown hair and eyes. I have never been confident when it comes to approaching girls in a romantic sense. My last GF was like 2 years ago. We were both counselers at a summer camp and it lasted 1 week before I realized I had settled for a random girl and broke it off. Im ceratin that a big part of my lack of confidence comes form being overweight, but ever since I was 10 I've been on random diets ranging from Weight Watchers to TV Infomercial diets. They havent worked, so I figure for the time being I have to work around the weight issue. I live in a very judgemental town and it is hard to find girls that put emphasis on personality over looks. I would appreciate on help, tips, advice...whatever on how to approach girls in a romatic sense. If you guys need any other information please ask.

[nicorette]

to be completley honest, you probably wouldnt want a girl who was so shallow in the first place. my boyfriend used to be at least 40 pounds overweight when i started dating him, over 2 years ago and now he is at the weight he is supposed to be at. he still has the lack of self-confidence issue though. i have no idea what it must be like, but i think you just need to be confident, and you have to accept rejection, afterall, everyone of us gets rejected sometimes for some reason or other. maybe you have friends that could help you meet some of their friends who are girls?

[Dating Coach]

I know it's hard to lose the weight, but you CAN do it, it's just a matter of how much you want it.

 

My ideal weight as being an athletic guy who's 5'10" is 175 lbs IMO. Right now I am 195. I've let my years of partying and bar hopping catch up to me. In fact, earlier this year I was 205. I haven't even been working out but I lost 10 pounds simply from eating:

 

BREAKFAST:

2 bannana's

 

LUNCH:

2 chicken breasts with hotsauce

and a stack of tomato's with hot sauce.

 

DINNER:

I try to eat healthy dinner without too much fat but since my fiance' eats what she wants I don't always adhere too well to my healthy eating for dinner.

 

Despite this, and despite the fact that during the playoff's of MLB (My STL Cardinals won!) I was literally drinking about 30-40 beers in a week's time. Yeah, that's a lot.

 

So despite me having a job where I sit on my tail all day on the phones, despite not working out, despite drinking too much, I still lost 5-10 pounds in the month of October.

 

As of now I cut beer completely out of my diet, and started going to the gym for 1 hour treadmill walks. Soon I'll add back in weightlifting again. Also I am starting to walk 30 minutes on my lunch break as well. My goal is to get down to 175 again. I hope I stick with it, but it is tough, especially when people are ordering and eating tasty fattening foods in front of me all of the time.

 

You can do it if you want to, but I do know how hard it is. It's tough man. I'd suggest figuring out a diet that you can tolerate, and then joining a gym where you primarily work on long distance walking/biking. When you combine diet with working out you'd be amazed what you can do.

 

Oh, another thing I do is drinking. I drink Lipton Diet Green Tea all day long, and I literally go through like 8 bottles a day. It tastes good and it's 0 calories.

[vermilion]

You need to work on your self-esteem. If you think it's not going to work then it won't. You can work on your weight but maybe you won't ever be really trim. And that's ok. Plenty of bigger guys are able to get girlfriends- it's about the way you carry yourself.

We were both counselers at a summer camp and it lasted 1 week before I realized I had settled for a random girl and broke it off.

I'm confused as to why you just dumped that one girl. Not that she really matters at this point but your view that you have to find the right girl before you go out with her is a little skewed.

 

You don't know whether some "random" girl could actually be the girl of your dreams or not. So, you ask out a number of girls. Some will say yes, some will say no. And you go out with them to see if you're into them. I don't know if you're doing this, but if you are stop asking girls to be your girlfriend. I know so many guys who do this. It's messed up for two big reasons:

 

1. Now she knows she's the only one you're into- she could be completely uninterested in you and now you've let her know how interested you are in her.

 

2. A girl is more likely to say "no". She can tell you're inexperienced and doesn't want to commit to some guy unless she already knows she likes him (as in, they were friends already)

 

Best of luck.

-V

Oh, another thing I do is drinking. I drink Lipton Diet Green Tea all day long, and I literally go through like 8 bottles a day. It tastes good and it's 0 calories.

 

oooh...I lurvvv this stuff....

[Stinkweed]

My ideal weight as being an athletic guy who's 5'10" is 175 lbs IMO. Right now I am 195. I've let my years of partying and bar hopping catch up to me.

 

No way Diggity. I thought you were this athletic christian bale- style dude man... I'm 195 lbs too I'm 6'-6' 1" tho, but I'd like to get to 175. Actually I have no clue what my ideal weight is (I know it's not 195, cause I can tell I have a couple of extra pounds...) which is why I'm gonna see a doctor next week, but I haven't lost any weight in a while.

 

I used to weigh 250 lbs a year ago, tho. Pretty much what I did was eating NO sugarys food and NO fast foods and very very few simple carbs... What seems to be a healthy and pretty restricted diet I followed very strictly and it worked man. And I also did cardio pretty much every day of the week for at least 30 minutes. I lost like 50 pounds in 6 months, but after that I started going out of the diet sometimes and discontinuing with my exercise routine, it slowed down so much... I drink lots of water especially cause the weather here is so dry my lips and skin had started to chap and because I started working out again but this time with some weights to see if I can sculpt a bit cause my weight distribution is pretty messed up man... There's people who're 10-20 lbs (they aren't even necessarily muscular) heavier than me, but they look better than me and I think it's got to do with the weight distribution. So maybe if I sculpt a bit, it'll help me, although my initial goal was never to be a muscular person, just to be slim/skinny/slender. But oh well, whatever works best.

 

Alcohol can be a problem... It never was to me, cause I don't drink hehe (I seriously don't, and I don't really see why drinking catches everybody's interest so efficiently... Plus I'm not 21 yet. But then again, that doesn't stop most people my age from drinking). but you should definitively stay away.

 

Work on your attitude a bit too man... It's what I'm tryin to do. Cause, well, initially when I lost those first 50 lbs, I felt pretty good and stuff, and I started working on being more outgoing and stuff and it was easy cause I had plenty of good friends so it was almost like a stranger's opinion didn't matter much to me. And I noticed how girls noticed me so much more. This was about 8 months ago? Well right now I'm in slightly better shape, but it's like I lost all the improvements I made on my personality for some reason now that I'm in college... I've no clue how to make friends and the first semester is pretty much over already. So yeah, I'm back in the shell once again, unfortunately. My point is, personality and a good attitude will help A LOT. Work on those. Good luck man. Best wishes.

[Carl5000]

Its fascinating visiting these forums; how relationships are an end in themselves, everything is a means to the end of a mate. The way, everyone seeks status, wealth, influence, power, attractiveness that sexy porche to impress others eheh its like desire, satisfaction, desire and ppl are rarely ever fully contented or happy with their lot- they never arrive at satisfaction there is always something else to achieve.

 

Its like were all destined to be unhappy in someway. For me, it seems pre-determined and its beyond your control to an extend. Its how you visualise the way others perceive you- its not possible to get self-esteem and confidence solely from within youself, as other ppl or the culture go someway to making up ur self identity and inturn the size of ur ego. So you need to go someway to meeting those standards, those you believe which r desirable ur weight being one of them.

 

I suffer from insecurities, confidence, self-esteem issues, even if you lose the weight you might still lack that confidence your seeking- for me it all seems very natural. Every little bit helps though, just keep working and looking to improve yourself. Get on that treadmill -) and then evaluate wether ur weight was central to ur self-esteem, confidence with the ladies. Good Luck!!

[Stinkweed]

Carl5000, I agree with everything you said. I believe that if something about yourself bothers you, it is most likely the source of at least some of your insecurities, right? And he says his weight makes him uncomfortable, so he should give getting into shape a shot, ya know? THe thing is though, people should be careful who they improve for. If you're gonna lose weight/improve your personality, it must be for yourself, not for somebody else.

[Carl5000]

I disagree, maybe u misread my post. It would pointless him losing the weight, if other people didn't exist. So in a sense he isn't doing it for himself, but for other people as he anticipates a better reaction towards him(respect,love) which will thereforeeee improve his self-esteem, confidence and lead to a better lifestyle, more sex, women, friends and overall more HAPPINESS ahh. Feel the love, baby

 

Nobody would care about weight living in a vaccum- well maybe for health reasons xD if you look into people's drives, motives you'd be surprised how much of our lives are influenced by other people, its scarey. They dictate how we live r lives, its quite pathetic- but we can't escape it.

[vermilion]

That's not always true. There's plenty of people who don't give **** about what others think, so you can't say people dictate how everyone lives. I'll admit I do care how I look to others, I try to look good but only because I'm interested in finding a bf. I honestly don't care what the girls think about me.

 

But when it comes to how I really live my life- school, work, interests, etc. I decide. I don't care that everyone thinks I'm a nerd because I'm not interested in drinking or getting high or partying. It doesn't matter they're all wastes of time anyway.

 

Some people do only go through college and get a decent job for the status, but a lot of us actually want to get the job for ourselves.

 

And it's not pointless for him to lose the weight. You feel better about yourself because you had the discipline to lose it and you're healthier.

[Stinkweed]

Nobody would care about weight living in a vaccum- well maybe for health reasons xD if you look into people's drives, motives you'd be surprised how much of our lives are influenced by other people, its scarey. They dictate how we live r lives, its quite pathetic- but we can't escape it.

 

I didn't miss the point, really. It was just my wording... I know nobody would care about weight living in a vaccum except for health reasons. But what I meant was that he shouldn't lose weight just to impress his girlfriend, for instance, because what do you think MIGHT happen when they break up? That's why I said he should lose weight to feel better about himself and in turn he feels better about himself, because he feels people have a better perception about him and thus he feels more attractive. Plus the achievement itself will show him that he had the power/will to achieve that goal and he'll feel he can accomplish even more. Why stop at just losing weight, right? Why not become more sociable too? This will help his confidence as you said. And I agree that it sucks that other people and the media dictate our perception of beauty and how good we feel about ourselves.

 

That's not always true. There's plenty of people who don't give **** about what others think, so you can't say people dictate how everyone lives. I'll admit I do care how I look to others, I try to look good but only because I'm interested in finding a bf. I honestly don't care what the girls think about me.

 

It's true that there's people who don't care about what others think. These people who geniuinely feel like that are pretty strong. They are the ones who are able to most easily grab life by the you know whats... However, if they are able to do that it's because they already are confident thus need not work on that.

[Dating Coach]

I disagree, maybe u misread my post. It would pointless him losing the weight, if other people didn't exist. So in a sense he isn't doing it for himself, but for other people as he anticipates a better reaction towards him(respect,love) which will thereforeeee improve his self-esteem, confidence and lead to a better lifestyle, more sex, women, friends and overall more HAPPINESS ahh. Feel the love, baby

 

Nobody would care about weight living in a vaccum- well maybe for health reasons xD if you look into people's drives, motives you'd be surprised how much of our lives are influenced by other people, its scarey. They dictate how we live r lives, its quite pathetic- but we can't escape it.

 

I'm not sure what all of this is about, but if the OP wants to lose weight then he should try to do that. I'd try to avoid overanalyzing this if I were you. Plus, getting in shape is healthier for you, not just for your body but mentally as well.

[Stinkweed]

I'm not sure what all of this is about, but if the OP wants to lose weight then he should try to do that. I'd try to avoid overanalyzing this if I were you. Plus, getting in shape is healthier for you, not just for your body but mentally as well.

 

I agree. If he wants to lose weight, then he should. The reasons he has for making that choice are his own business. I myself, think it's a good/healthy idea to get in shape always.