Healing

[johnnynz]

My ex and I broke up just over 6 months ago. We kept seeing each other infrequently for the first two months, then had a break for a month of no contact (her call), then we were good friends again (she was feeling lonely and I felt sorry for her) for about a month, now she's seeing someone else and doesn't appear to care for a friendship, or to see me at all.

 

I'm left feeling a bit empty now. Is this usual? She says she's the happiest she's been in a long time, spending all her time with this new guy, and doesn't seem to care for any sort of friendship - will she ever? Should I even care?

 

We were together for 3 1/2 years. Any advice much appreciated.

[AngelEyez]

That's pretty harsh on her part. Why would she use you like that and then fluff you off when she has someone new? Basically she used you to comfort her whenever she felt "lonely" and then replaced you when time came.

 

You should stop caring, although it may be hard. Some people are just mean. Do NC again, and try to start new yourself. Find a girl who appreciates you and wants to spend time with you. You'll be feeling better and better as the days go by.

[Captain34]

woah, selfish girl.

 

hard as it may be, take your feelings out of the picture for the moment -- just look at this for what its worth -- her actions make the most rational and justifiable reaction from you to not invest yourself in caring for her anymore. 3 years is a long time and it may not be easy, but thats what you should be working towards.

 

try taking this backwards in the sense that you start NC for your own reasons...which in time will come to you.

 

best of luck, post when you need to

[johnnynz]

That's pretty harsh on her part. Why would she use you like that and then fluff you off when she has someone new? Basically she used you to comfort her whenever she felt "lonely" and then replaced you when time came.

 

Indeed. At least from my POV that's what has happened - she hasn't said or done anything to the contrary. I was just there for her, 120%, when she was lonely or depressed. I then got attached again =(

 

You should stop caring, although it may be hard. Some people are just mean. Do NC again, and try to start new yourself. Find a girl who appreciates you and wants to spend time with you. You'll be feeling better and better as the days go by.

 

I try to stop caring but it's just not who I am. I would've thought after being together 3 1/2 years, sharing that amount of time together she'd have been different too, at least wanting to be friends. Apparently not. Oh well.

 

Thanks for the advice.

[heloladies21]

Well one thing to make sure to realize #1 is that being her friend will not bring her back to you. This method fails 100% of the time to lead into a permanent long term relationship. It usually leads to a whole lot of false hope and preventing from moving on.

 

Best thing you could do is to come clean with her, let her know you want her back immediately, and if she's not on board request no further contact because you're not interested in being friends with her, you want a relationship only. Then follow through as everything will have been said.

[lovecrazy]

My ex and I broke up just over 6 months ago. We kept seeing each other infrequently for the first two months, then had a break for a month of no contact (her call), then we were good friends again (she was feeling lonely and I felt sorry for her) for about a month, now she's seeing someone else and doesn't appear to care for a friendship, or to see me at all.

 

I'm left feeling a bit empty now. Is this usual? She says she's the happiest she's been in a long time, spending all her time with this new guy, and doesn't seem to care for any sort of friendship - will she ever? Should I even care?

 

We were together for 3 1/2 years. Any advice much appreciated.

 

 

My ex and I were doing the dating each other thing after we brokeup...but now I see he doesnt want me back, he just wants to have fun. So I am letting go...Maybe she isnt being selfish...She might just be moving on...which it sounds like you might be realizing that she is what you need.

 

This is strictly just an obersvation, but during the "2 months of dating" was she always asking questions, about you two? Getting back together? things of that nature..that is what I did to my ex. granted it has been only two weeks but its about the same subject.

 

Maybe her going NC was to help her get over you...But I am not sure who broke up with who?

 

I mean you only started a relationship with her again...because you felt sorry for her. Maybe she sensed that and is movign on with out telling you...

 

That is what I am doing with my ex..Although I know for a fact he doesnt care...and if he does he isnt showing it...

[johnnynz]

Well one thing to make sure to realize #1 is that being her friend will not bring her back to you. This method fails 100% of the time to lead into a permanent long term relationship. It usually leads to a whole lot of false hope and preventing from moving on.

 

Best thing you could do is to come clean with her, let her know you want her back immediately, and if she's not on board request no further contact because you're not interested in being friends with her, you want a relationship only. Then follow through as everything will have been said.

 

I think that's what I was doing - albeit subconsciously; being her friend trying to get her back. I was the nicest * * * *ing ever to her, and she still treated me like * * * *. Oh well. Moving on!!

 

She broke up with me.. sure some things aren't meant to be, we argued a lot, but surely a friendship isn't too much to ask? We seemed to be getting on so well as friends? Maybe she has some maturing to do, I dunno.