ANYONE ELSE HAVE THIS PROBLEM ONCE A RELATIONSHIP ENDED?????

[in_flux]

Well, a week and a half after getting dumped, it's finally starting to really sink in that my relationship of 2.5 years is over. Even though we still live together, it's been pretty awkward as you can imagine (she's trying to save up enough money to move out in a couple weeks). I have my good moments and bad, and it's definitely rough because she seems happy to not be in this relationship anymore, which makes me feel like *bleep*.

 

ANYWAYS, here's my problem: I moved here to the West Coast from the East Coast a year and a half just to be with her -- quit my job and everything (i freelance now). Being the not overly social people we are, we pretty much were homebodies, didn't have a lot of friends and whatnot, just kinda did our thing together. And that was fine by me, I've never been the type to want or need a huge social circle. But now that we're broken up, I'm finding that I know pretty much no one in this city, which is compounding the loneliness i feel at losing my girl (who was my best friend). Moving back east really isn't an option - i just don't want to because i do like it here better (climate, more laid back, suits my personality better right now), and it was so hard to get out here that i just don't want to throw in the towel and go back.

 

So have any of you been in this friendless situation, and what did you do about it? The typical advice I always read is to "join a club" but that seems kinda cheesy to me in a way, and tho I'm comfortable in bars, I'm not the kind of person to strike up conversations, nor do I wanna start drinking heavily. I go to the gym, but that's more just for working out and i don't really try to talk to anyone. I'm not trying to meet women or anything, I just wanna make some friends with guys or girls, whichever. Just dunno how to go about it without seeming desperate or like some dork, I guess. Any advice would be extremely helpful!!

[DaisyGirl186]

Hi In_Flux~

Although I have not been in your current situation, I have a friend that was. I was the person that befriended him actually. Anywho, he was with his girlfriend for 3 years and they broke up. He was feeling lonely, and joined a class that I was taking also. He joined a class that interested him, as a result he would meet people with at least one thing in common to base a friendship on. Maybe you could try that. And if it does not work, at least you might get something from the class. Best of Luck!

[sabena]

Hello, and yes I was recently in your position. My boyfriend broke up with me and I realised that I spent 5 days out of 7 with him and his friends. Now I did have my own friends but they were really all busy with their own lives.

 

I particularly like sports so I basically looked on the net and in local papers and signed myself up for 2 new clubs and went to them and still do even though I have got back with my bf.

 

You have to force yourself to get out there, it isnt easy and to be honest on the first night I cried when I got home because it was a very emotional and tense time for me, but I did it. I am not best buddies with these people, yet but they do call me and consider me when going away and that's a start of friendship is it not?

 

All you need to do is think of something that you like, it could be that you go to a car mechanics class and meet people there, anything, if you really sit down and think of it there will be something..And, we are here for you to help you...

[kaligrl22]

Boy do I know how you feel right now. I moved to the east coast from cali to be with him. the only friends I had were his, so of course when we broke up I felt so lonlely and isolated. No friends or family, and like you I didn't want to throw in the towel and move back home. I can't tell you it gets any easier as the days go by but you need to get yourself out there and meet people. And your in the best place for it, people on the west coast are much easier to make friends with. Your from the east coast so you know what people are like here and how hard it is for people to even aknowledge you. So it could be worse. If you would like to talk about this more, I'd be more than willing to listen and give you advice. email removed

[eclipse]

in_flux,

 

This may sound silly but I have a friend that this happened to also and he joined a boxing gym. It taught him so much discipline and he me a lot of really cool people there. You form a bond with people in a boxing gym like no other. I know it does sound funny but you have nothing to lose, try it out.

[Finzsoftie]

When my ex boyfriend and I moved to a different city where I had all my friends, and here he had all of his friends. Well, it was weird, we hung out heaps with his friends we even lived together, and his friends went out with our flatmates and everything was interwined!

When we broke up, I left and went back to be with my family, I could only handle it for one month! I swear, I was kicking and screaming all the time! IT was sooo hard, and I came back to the same city where he was. I thought I could do it on my own, and I at least met one or two people that did not know him. But still I was longing for him cause it was weird, he was also my best friend, and when we got back together, i didnt need anyone else, we kept breaking up and i stayed by myself in this city i didnt socialise with anyone and it was so hard, I just waited for him to call, msg or just come around!

It was horrible!

Then, I got a plan in my head one day, I left for another month, went back hom, had a break from this stupid relationship! And build up contacts, my parents knew of some families up here, which was nice and they invited me to their house and i hung out with them, I am Jewish so I went to the synagogue and met a few people also, maybe go to a church or synagogue, mosque. People are usually really nice and welcoming!

I dont know, it's hard and weird being without my ex, every time he comes back i open up, but i think the best thing, is to think to yourself that you are a person and only because this part of your life is over, then your whole life isnt.

I think that if you want to make friends go somewhere where you meet people with the same interests. IT always helps!

[redparadise78]

I can understand ur situation, don't blame urself for keeping your social circle small..the thing to do next is to rediscover urself, since you're here on the west find things that make u feel comfortable and don't feel bad about her moving out..it is the best for the both of you...learn from this and use it as a learning valuable experience..it seems like you are a giving person and that is great but limit on what u give..remember its a give and receive situation..not a give, give, give and be happy situation..feelings and actions need to be mutual, so next time u engage in a relationship, look and analyze the person and the details..take care of your heart...and most importantly you. all of us deserve the best if we give our best. Engage in recreational activities..we all make friends..it just takes time..be patient..u already made urself an acquaintance with Redparadise..so keep ur head up high. ANd next time ur in the bar drink one for me, since i'm feeling low as well.