What to do?

[souldoubted]

I have been friends with a person for over 2 years now. However I feel that I am the only one giving in the friendship. I am always there when this person needs me, as a good friend should be. However looking back whenever I have needed this person they have been "busy". I enjoy our friendship alot but their has to be some give and take. I am tired of feeling used, and unappreicated. Can anyone think of way to approach this person with my feelings? I have tried to tell them before, but they fall back into the same routine after a little bit. Maybe I should end this friendship all together....

[ultraviolet]

Welcome to Enot Souldoubted! I've been in your shoes before and it's difficult. Sometimes people tend to be "takers" not necessarily because they're selfish, but because they're used to being helped, not helping. Rather than make yourself feel hurt and angry by focusing on what's missing in the friendship, I think it's more productive to focus on what you'd like to see change and be the catalyst for that change.

 

Teach your friend HOW to best be your friend. Come up with a list of ways she could show you that she cares about you. Think about all the times you felt she failed to meet your expectations friendshipwise and write down what she could have done differently.

 

Then when you're ready and calm (!!!), go and have the talk but keep the focus of the conversation on you and what you need. Explain to them how you love being friends with them, but sometimes you just need them to be there for you. Explain how they can best meet your needs by giving them concrete examples of how you'd like to be treated and things you've done for them that you'd like done for you.

 

When they do try, give them positive reinforcement and when they fail, ask them (again!!!) for what it is you need in that moment. Hopefully in time, you won't have to prompt them as much.

 

Good luck!

[souldoubted]

Well I wrote an email telling explaining how i go out of my way, and that the way to show me that they cared is to commit some time to me. So it is up to them, either they do or they don't.