NC Doesnt Help Me to Forget - Any Other Ideas?

[Choose2bHappy]

I've been doing NC for 2 months and my ex is still haunting my thoughts and emotions. Im so sick and angry of it. Im doing what everyone tells me to do but it doesnt help.

 

Any other suggestions besides NC? How long will it take for me to not get emotional when he enters my thoughts?

[JoeWho]

I have been NC for about two months with a few breaks from her which I responded to. For me the last two weeks have really started to get better. I guess a lot of it depends on how it ended between you two. For me it ended poorly with her dating someone else within days even though it really started a few months prior when she was talking to him on myspace and AIM. So now I have been able to get really mad and determined to get over her. My hope of getting back together was gone almost from the start of the breakup. Once you let go of them and any possibility of getting back together, you will really start to heal. Whenever I think about her (which is still constantly)and start to miss her I just think about what she did and how she did it. I do still get upset and really emotional a few times a week and just feel horrible about how things ended up. But it wasnt my choice and I just do what I gotta do to heal and eventually one day move on to a better relationship.

 

Take it one day at a time or one hour or even minute at a time on the bad days. Try to think about how you will be a better partner in future relationships because of this and how much you have to offer someone. I know it sucks and is harder then you ever thought it would be but it must be at least a tiny little better than it was the first week. Stick to NC, breaking it will only make you feel worse. Remember that you want to be with someone who truly loves you and if someone can leave you then they dont truly love you. You could consider yourself lucky that it happened now and not in a couple years. It will get better for you any day now.

 

Hang in there, you will make it through this!

[friscodj]

The only feasible option here, given you've exhausted other techniques like keeping busy, getting out and meeting other people, pursuing your passions in life, moving forward, keeping distance from him, things like this, is time. There's no other way.

 

One of our greatest and underestimated gifts as human beings is the ability to get tired and the ability to forget. In time, you'll simply get tired of all of this, the grief will pass, and you'll forget. If I had a better answer for you I'd write a book about it and become a millionaire but unfortunately, just like breaking a bone or being sick, you can only wait it out and take of yourself in the process.

[Choose2bHappy]

Joe and Frisco, you're right. It's just sooooo frustrating that you're trying to focus on other more important things and wham! His image appears in my head, totally uninvited and unwelcome. I guess I need to be patient. Two months isn't that long - it's my anxiety that makes me want to rush the healing process. I'll do my best.

 

The thing is, he usually will try to text me between 2:30 - 3pm and this is the slot that I get anxious, afraid, you name it. I see myself always looking at my cell phone for a message that I will only ignore and delete. How do I avoid feeling this way during this time? So sorry for the questions.

[JoeWho]

I went through all this anxiety and the waiting and looking at the phone and all that when we broke up in 05. Obviously we got back together only to break up again in this May with NC starting in September. You wrote

 

"The thing is, he usually will try to text me between 2:30 - 3pm and this is the slot that I get anxious, afraid, you name it."

 

 

If he is still contacting you then tell him to stop. Block him on your cell phone or change the number if you have to. There is nothing worse then the anxiety that you are feeling. Once he stops contacting you the anxiety will pass and you can start to heal.

 

If he is not contacting you and he used to send you text messages between 2 and 3 and that is causing you anxiety between those times then you gotta stay busy. For me right after lunch was tough because we used to IM eachother so I would come on here and just read posts and maybe read the news on link removed or something like that. I would try so hard to just get to like 2pm without wanting to IM or email her or waiting for her to IM me. I was a real productive employee from 1pm to 2pm for a while. LOL. Now I still slack off after lunch sometimes but that hour is just like all the other hours now. When you can identify your worst times, you can distract yourself for a while and then one day it is no longer a hard time, its the same as the rest or the hours of the day.

 

By the way ask as many questions as you like, I'm sure we are all more than happy to answer and try to help you out as best we can.

[bulletproof]

Two months is not very long at all. Be patient with yourself. If you like to read and have the attention span for it now, try never to be without a book. I found myself reading constantly and sometimes could actually forget about things for a while. I also made sure that I spent as little time alone as possible, because that's when the thoughts would start to creep in. At least when you're with friends or family you are somewhat forced to stay focused on what they are saying and not drift off into a little memory party of your own. And even though I know it's a bit soon to think about dating, one of the best things I did was try to put myself around situations with guys as much as possible. It didn't even matter if they were single guys or not- just the idea that other guys exist that are nice and attractive and fun was enough to keep me going and to stop thinking that my ex was the be-all end-all.

[hulk7280]

9 am to 10 am suck.. its when she used to always email my work eamil and we would chit chat during the day... im so used to see her email in my inbox.. but i have to move on.. just like we all do, we only have a short time on this planet so we have to make the best of it and crying about someone isnt living. i really cant wait for the day then i do not long for her or want her, until her spell is finally broken

[Tshwane]

im goin through the same thing, past 2 weeks i think about her all the time. today i called with a private number(she doesn't know it was me) and hung up. I called a friend who said i must not call. I still want to call so i came here. i don't understand why i dnt get past this. It's really irritating.

 

Hang in there, like me you have no choice.

[Vynde]

I found this entire post very helpful and accurate. My wife left me 26 days ago (for another guy), and I have been in NC for now 23 days.

 

I'm in so much pain everyday that I can even begin to explain it. I'm sure most of you, as I see in the thread can relate.

 

I'm almost as the stage where I can let her go, (I hope) I do realize that I can't be with anyone who doesn't love me or has no problem leaving me for another guy when things go bad for what ever reason.

 

My problem is I have taken such a self-esteem hit, and it feels that I wont recover, I feel so bad about myself and that nobody will ever want me, I mean, if she left me, what will stop the next, I was never verbally abusive, nor did I ever hit her, I spoiled her with love and was under the impression that we were both so very happy..

 

Does anyone feel that they have no self-esteem – Will that ever come back?? Sometimes it just feels that if she comes back, everything will be ok.. I can't seem to get rid of that thought..even knowing it's not for the best. I'm so confused and messed up.

 

John

[icarus27]

Vynde,

 

At least you recognise that a lot of your pain is due to the beating taken by your self-esteem. I do too. I also get the odd 'reconciliation' fantasy when I imagine her coming back would return my universe to peace. These thoughts can become strong at times, even if my rational side knows there is no chance now whatsoever. Too many things have been said, bridges burned.

 

If i put on the hat of a 'fixer' I'd say, how can you and I get our self-esteem up higher? Can we take part in what the rest of the world has to offer, to go back to feeling okay about ourselves? I wish I knew the answer my friend.