Broken hearted

[MikePeters]

Well seen as I feel like I am going nuts, I just can't stop thinking about things. I have been together with my fiance' nearly 4 years now. I posted on here almost the same time one year ago, we had a lot of problems back then, we both ended up seeing other people but then coming back together. I proposed last December because I felt like I really wanted to be with her. I knew we had had our ups and downs but I felt we were meant to be.

 

Things went great at first and I felt like I had made the right decision, we moved back in together and everything appeared to be headed in the right direction. Then in March I lost my job, I was really depressed and I went out one night and got really drunk, my fiance' left me at the club because I didn't want to leave. I ended up kissing another girl and my fiance's best friend caught me in the act. I felt so badly about what I had done to her, I didn't even leave the house only to go to work for the next 3 months, I felt so really guilty and it made me work that much harder.

 

We went to relationship counscelling for about 6 months trying to work out all of our issues. Unfortunately my new job was a nightshift job and this put a whole new strain on our relationship. The fighting wasn't really bad but we ended up having a really big fight about a month ago. She took the ring off, I decided I was going to go home to the UK for a while so that we could get some space from one another. I didn't hear from her for almost 2 weeks, I texted her a couple of times and she just got mad.

 

Anyways last week I was really missing her, I sent her a long letter telling her about how I felt and how we would get through this. I spoke to her on the computer and asked her if she wanted to see other people, she got really defensive and angry, wouldn't give me a straightforward yes or no, anyways she didn't realize i could hear her and I could hear her talking to a guy, they were talking about sex that they had had, it was very descriptive and left really no doubt what she was upto. She also described to this guy how at New Year's last year we were broken up and that she had fooled around with some guy at a club (this was only 2 weeks after I had proposed.)](*,)

 

I confronted her right after the conversation ended and she got really mad that I had listened in on her, no remorse, no sorry, no nothing. All my things are at her house and she has threatened to make it very difficult for me to get them. She makes me out to be the bad guy for what I have found out, I am so hurt the pain is undescribable. I truly loved this girl with all my heart and to find this out after asking her to marry me is unbearable. When I asked her to marry me I pleaded that if she had any doubts then to say no.

 

I am mad at myself because even after all of this there is a part of me that is still in love with her, a part that wants her to say she's sorry and that we keep going on, and yet I know in my heart that we can't. People have told me that we shouldn't have to work so hard, but when you love someone how can you do anything else? Now I don't know if she ever really loved me now, how can someone do that? I just feel completely hopeless and lost right now, thanks for reading my novel

[ButterflyWrists]

You need to forget this girl, and everything you shaired. To get your things back, I'd try getting someone else to collect it for you. This women is trying to manipulate you, what has happened isn't your fault.

May I ask what problems had there been in your relationship?

[MikePeters]

There had been a lot of fighting and and lying. I feel like I need to get my things myself and say goodbye to her once and for all as I am moving overseas to get away from it all. I still feel like we did spend 4 years together and we have been through so much together that saying goodbye and getting some closure is what I need to move on.

[kekep]

I went through the same dramatics with my ex, so I can definitely relate. It's like a vicious cycle that will never end unless you put a stop to it. It sounds like your relationship went into self-destruct mode awhile ago. I think once it starts having this much baggage, as difficult as it is, it's best to walk away and cut your losses. Remove this person from your life completely so that you can heal and find someone who will give you the relationship you truly want.

 

Try to remember, it's not like you didn't give the relationship a good shot. It is just as much her fault as it is yours that it failed, so don't take all the weight on your own shoulders.

[MikePeters]

Thanks kekep, no I know this isn't all my fault.....but walking away is just so hard. I asked her to marry me 10 months ago, I thought we would be planning our wedding and moving ahead. Through all the fighting and arguing I truly felt like she was the one

[kekep]

yeah, that really sucks. my ex found a job and moved to the city i'm in so we could be together. we talked about buying a place, adopting a dog, having kids, other cities we would like to live in, the whole shebang. but in the end, we realized we were not right for each other. the way i see it, when you're with the right person, it should be effortless and easy. there shouldn't be all of this hard work, drama and relationship talks (well, maybe SOMETIMES you should have "the talk"...but generally, the relationship should be light and fun).

 

slightly off the subject, but i'm wondering: can you honestly say that this girl has been making you happy and adding to your life for the better?

[MikePeters]

Well kekep, honestly she did make me happy even through all the fighting and frustration I could look at her at the end of the day and think it was all worth it. I mean we dide have a lot of great times together, but it always seem that the negatives shadow those. She motivated me to do better in life, she is really motivated careerwise and it rubbed off on me as I am pretty laid back.

 

This is the thing that hurts, thinking now that she never felt the same way that I did. I know everyone says it should just be easy, but she had some issues that made it complicated, complicated for anyone I'm sure. She had a drug problem when I first met her and she has always been fighting that, she lost her dad when she was really young and had an abusive brother. And she has a daughter from a previous relationship that I adore and have treated like my own. It's so messy now and it's just so sad, I feel like I have failed, failed her and her daughter for not being able to give her what she needed.

[kekep]

In my opinion, thinking that "she is worth it" is not the same as being happy. The person you are with should contribute happiness to your life, not heartache. I will say, I think it's great that she motivated you in a positive way b/c of her strong work ethics. She probably taught you a lot about what you want in a future partner.

 

I sincerely doubt that she never felt the same way that you did, especially since you two dated for so long and were engaged. It sounds like she has a lot of issues to sort through before she can be with anyone. All of the stuff that happened to her is very traumatic, but these are things that SHE needs to work through that YOU CAN'T FIX.

[MikePeters]

Yes I know that, but I just wanted to be the one that was there for her. Not that it really matters at this point, it just really hurts because of how this has all ended up.