Okay, .. experts, please help. heeeellllp!

[ConfusedasEVER]

To make an excruciating extremely long and drawn out story short, I lost the 'love of my life' about 3.5 months ago. I found that she had been communicating with someone who lives accross country and that she had professed her feelings towards him, and did not tell me. So, upon confrontation she admitted that she loved this man and was unsure about her feelings towards me. Naturally, I am not going to force someone to stay with me if they aren't willing, so I asked her to remove herself and her belongings from my apartment and assured her that I could not maintain a friendship with her despite my heart's better judgement.

 

Well, things progressively got worse, and naturally I started starving for her, almost lost my job twice, put my life on hold and jumped at her every whim. I started 2 weeks of NC about a month past the breakup, and low and behold she started slowly dropping the usual benign hints that she was wondering what I was up to. (I.E. calling to ask random questions, making herself real obvious to me that she was needing to speak). So, I ... stupidly, went to her house and saw her. I played it cool at first, but of course it was too soon. She behaved as if she was interested, and of course I fell in heartfirst. We met the next day, at her house and were swimming in her pool. We started to get close and then... she dropped a bombshell. ''I just don't want you to be disappointed if we don't get back together'.. OUCH. THAT hurt.

 

So of course, NC began after that conversation. I watched in horror as she began dating someone else, and of course I did not handle that well. But I stayed away and myself started dating other people.

 

So, low and behold 2 months after that debacle, it's Sunday night, 11:30pm, I'm innocently watching TV when I get a bizarre text message on my cell phone.

 

Her: Hey, do you want your hat back?

Me: Um, I really don't wear hats anymore. ;-)

Her: Okay, just checking, I wanted to make sure before I threw it out, because it wasn't mine to throw away.

Me: Well, thanks for asking.

Her: yup, np.

 

 

Now: A little history. We used to fight, a lot. We talked about that the night we went swimming. She said ''I really missed how we used to be, but I don't miss the fighting''. THAT night, she asked me if I wanted my hat back, and I plainly said, ''No.'' We kissed for four hours (before during and after the whole swimming event).

 

Soooo. I can see, that she is being bizarre and asking me if I want a hat back that I've stated clearly that I don't want before, at 11:00PM. I havn't heard from her since (this was a week ago). I havn't been checking on her or ''seeing what her current situation is'', quite frankly because I've %99.9 have moved on. But it seems like for some reason she just won't let me, and I won't let myself.

 

I'm usually an advocate for ''coming out and just asking'' but ... when I think about doing that my heart floods with absolute horror and fear. So, I guess maybe I'm asking for others opinions. ](*,)

[AwdreeHpburn]

hey confused - sorry things are where they are.

 

sounds like the stage where the boundaries need to be clear and the future path needs to obvious. don't waiver on your own rules, don't allow her to either, be consistent and STAY STRONG. Find a network, like this one, and stick to your guns.

 

I know that's a bunch of cliche's but they're said for a reason.

 

Lean on us.

[ConfusedasEVER]

hey confused - sorry things are where they are.

 

sounds like the stage where the boundaries need to be clear and the future path needs to obvious. don't waiver on your own rules, don't allow her to either, be consistent and STAY STRONG. Find a network, like this one, and stick to your guns.

 

I know that's a bunch of cliche's but they're said for a reason.

 

Lean on us.

 

 

I hear yah. At this point, it's becoming very aggitating and un-nerving. As I said, it gets to the point where I forget about her for a couple days and then she sets off fireworks to remind me that she exists. Like, when she found out I was dating another girl (we have mutual friends, whom question me occasionally of what it is I'm up to) . . the same night I told her friend of the new person in my life, I got a text message from her asking if there was any mail for her at the apartment (now mind you she had moved out three months ago - so obviously no mail for her. lol).

 

I guess there's just a lot of things going on that I really don't understand. I do know one solid fact though ----- when you're done with someone, you're done. I remember breaking up with my x-from 2 years ago, and although I found random things of hers in my apartment, I just assumed that she didn't want them anymore and threw them away. And most people, do just the same thing. Small, random objects left behind are obviously not important and thereforeeee should be discarded. So, It's a tell-tale sign, when an X contacts you after all of the smoke clears and the party is over, and they're asking if you if you ''want ", than you can pretty much assume that they are trying to tell you something. Unless they are obsessive compulsive and partially insane. Then we have a whole 'nother thread, toppic, ect.