My line in the sand. Your oppinion please.

[crookster_man]

Well hello everyone, it's good to be back after my short vacation. (Read: my power was out) I had a fairly good time. Anyways I'm going to post about a situation, which occurred over this weekend. I want to see what you all think about it. I have my own answer to this question but I would like to see what you others have to offer.

 

Well basically my Ex cheated on me with one of my friends so I dumped her, and after a short while they hooked up. That's all in the past and not the issue here. I have had to come to terms with 2 of my really good friends still being friends with the other guy who hurt me so much by sleeping with my Ex.. Well I've made it quite clear that I view there friendship with him as an insult towards me. I learned to deal with that by never going out with them when he was around. Eventually they slowly stopped talking about him, and her (as per my request) and for the past 3 weeks I haven't had to deal with this BS at all.

 

However this weekend that all changed. I was supposes to go to Grand bend. A local beach area. Well due to other things I ended up not going. So what happens? Well my "good friend" Decided to invite the other guy out with my Ex in my place. This is apparently not the first time he has invited them out to hang out. He was well aware of how this would upset me. He lied to me to cover up the fact that he has been hanging out with them. I found out through other friends of mine.

 

Well simply put I view this as a complete betrayal of my trust. By him hanging out with both of them he is saying, "I accept what they did to you and I'm okay with it." This is completely unacceptable. I have drawn my line in the sand and I have told him that our friendship is now completely over. He is just a yes man that has no loyalties and no convictions. I cannot accept someone who will claim to be my good friend hanging out with those 2, the one who betrayed me and the one who cheated on me. I'm not really mad or bitter at him; I just refuse to associate with people like him.

 

So what do you think? Should I just swallow my pride and deal with it? I think I'm justified in cutting ties, he isn't a loyal friend. Quite frankly I think all three of them deserve each other.

[secret_agent_man]

Hi again, Crook!

 

To put it bluntly, you are justified in doing whatever feels right for you. You should never feel like you have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. I personally don't know how I would react in that same situation.

 

I think that right now you're fighting a battle that's already lost. You want to retain that friendship, but for what reason? If you feel betrayed, even if you weren't, why torment yourself? There's no laws in life that tell you that you have to feel a certain way about friendships, so on this one, you have to look out for yourself.

 

Just my thoughts, I know you've got a good handle on things, trust your instincts!

S.A.M.

[babycristy456]

Hey Crookster!

 

I understand your reasons to feel betrayed by all three of them in this situation. I would as well, if I was in the same place. You have the choice of swallowing your pride and going along with it. But going along with it, you might continue to feel betrayed and feel that your friends (and exgirlfriend) don't have any respect for you anymore. It is good that you have drawn a line, and decided that your friend has betrayed you. You are standing and defending your grounds. As someone said, there are no rules to follow when it comes to this, just follow your own heart and instict. If you feel that this is not your friend anymore, then why fight for a friendship that your "friend" has chosen to let go?

 

It is his choice to hang around the other people, and he has chosen to. If he chooses to make them his friends and not disconnect himself from them after what they've done to you, then that's his choice. I don't think it's wrong nor right.

 

You don't need to be friends with people that don't act like friends with you or betray you. If your idea of friendship is loyalty, and trust, then stick to the friends who offer that. And let go of those who don't.

 

Good Luck

[want2bnumb]

You did the right thing! Life is too short to put up with all of that drama. Sounds like you need to hang out with people who have the same values as you do. I am a strong believer in Karma.

 

Good Luck!

[za3raa69]

knock knock!

ur ex and ur friend r the ppl who betrayed u. not this guy.

i dont think ur right.

ive been in a similar situation, i stopped talking to my ex and my friend, but i didnt make our other friends stop talking to them! im not the boss of them, u can not hang out with them fine but u cant stop other ppl from hanging out with them.

thats utterly selfish and rude.

 

i hate my ex so much right now, and my other friend but i have to deal with it, IM the one who was hurt not my friends.

wat if this guy was goodfriends with ur ex or ur friend, ur gonna ruin their friendship? thats not your call its his.

 

i have to say, think twice before asking ppl wat to do, its completely unappropriate. i understand u dotn wanna have anythign to do with them, but other ppl still like them.

 

Goodluck! see ya!

[crookster_man]

za3raa69, very interesting approach. Though I have to disagree. You are right in saying I want nothing to do with the other 2. Quite frankly anyone who would want to remain friends with people like that have something wrong with them in my mind. I've had long discussions with my 2 (only 2 of them still talk to the other guy the rest cut him off). I've made it quite clear that these people are lacking in morals and character. Anyone who would surround themselves with these people are pretty low.

 

You are right, I am being a little harsh in this situation. However, it is how it is going to be. I am not the boss of anyone, you are quite right they do have there own lives to live. If they chose to have my Ex and the other guy in their lives they will not have my in their lives (that is my choice). That is not being selfish, it is standing up for what I believe in. I do not like negative things and negative situations. So I chose to distance myself from them.

 

Are you willing to accept people in your life who have shown you such little respect? Do you believe such behaviour is appropriate. I would never surround myself with people who do these things to people. This is just my personal opinion, I feel much better for being this way. I don't accept BS and everyone knows that. Life is much easier when people don't try to BS you.

[babycristy456]

crookster,

I admire the way you give yourself worth by not letting people step all over you, and disrespect you in front of your face.

 

I must agree with za3raa69 in the fact that your friend is probably in a tough spot, knowing that he's in the middle,choosing between two friends. If you choose not to associate with him, with your mindset that he's not a loyal friend, then that's your choice. Everyone has a right to have their beliefs and standards.

 

From my personal perspective, you might be a little too harsh by trying to get all your friends to cut ties with this guy. He might well-deserve it, but should you be the one to enforce it, and along the way lose other friends?

 

Well, GOod Luck with everything, and I hope it all turns out for the best!

[cobro]

Personally, I would just lay low for a while and avoid them all. Actions speak louder than words. Sounds like my friends, all drama all the time, talking out of both sides of their mouth. I've been guilty of it, but it's not a good feleling to have. So my advice would be just to avoid them, even if it means having no friends for a while.

 

cobro