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Average Life


valenski
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Average Life

 

Hello average desk

And average chair with average lumbar support

Hello average mouse

And average PC with NO USB port?!

On an average wall a clock ticks away

The seconds of the average day

An averge Lunch

An average Tray

A long table where people sit in an average bunch

An average walk to the bus stop where I commute

Forty five minutes later I get off where the trains like to toot

Finally my average home, on the couch I watch bewitched

And to the average kitchen to make a sandwhich

Pull back the covers of my average bed

Till eight hours later I'll do it all again.

 

 

 

By V a l e n s k i

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Good job. I like the ironic mood you set by presenting a very depressing subject matter through a simple and relaxed prose. The daily grind in our Westernized world is serious problem that robs many people of an authentic life. I have one question: if you replaced "average" with "perfect" would you still find the life you described depressing? I certainly would.

 

Anyway, I generally find the majority of poetry on this board pretty horrid, but I do like this one.

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I have one question: if you replaced "average" with "perfect" would you still find the life you described depressing? I certainly would.

Hey Down in a hole,

My answer is that I dont really believe that life can be perfect or that it should, I believe its a really long lesson taught through may may experiences so if life was smooth sailing then what would we learn?

I generally find the majority of poetry on this board pretty horrid

Yeah some are a little gloomy but not all of them and I find that the poems here are really expressive, they convey exactly what it is the writer experiences.

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Hey Down in a hole,

My answer is that I dont really believe that life can be perfect or that it should, I believe its a really long lesson taught through may may experiences so if life was smooth sailing then what would we learn?

 

The point I was trying to illustrate by asking that question was that even if all those "average" commodities were actually "perfect" commodities, your poem would still have a depressing message behind it. Whether or not your PC has USB support or not is not the heart of the issue, it's the monotony of daily grind you're pointing out. The word "average" is your personal artistic choice that adds greatly to the mundane nature of the message; that word carries a lot more weight with this subject matter and I think it works great.

 

Yeah some are a little gloomy but not all of them and I find that the poems here are really expressive, they convey exactly what it is the writer experiences.

 

I agree with you that the poetry here is really expressive. But that does not make good poetry. Just as in any artform, there are tools used to express the specific message. In poetry, those tools are language, words, structure, style, rhyme and rhythm. To have a great poem would mean a deep understanding of these tools.

 

And I think you misunderstood me. I never claimed to have a problem with "gloomy" poetry.

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I agree with you that the poetry here is really expressive. But that does not make good poetry. Just as in any artform, there are tools used to express the specific message. In poetry, those tools are language, words, structure, style, rhyme and rhythm. To have a great poem would mean a deep understanding of these tools.

 

And I think you misunderstood me. I never claimed to have a problem with "gloomy" poetry.

You're right, I did misunderstand but I have to disagree with you on what makes a good poem. While literary tools and devices add to the over all presentation of a poem, if the reader is unable to recognise them then they (literary devices) are pointless. The poetry on these pages are ameture, I'm not saying there isn't some splendid, well written, pieces scattered here and there, but I think the poems are really more theraputic than ingenius in nature.

Oh I dont speak for everyone, this is only my opinion.

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I think the poems are really more theraputic than ingenius in nature.

Oh I dont speak for everyone, this is only my opinion.

 

You're right, though...the Poetry forum is yet another place on eNotalone where people can express how they're feeling. Poetry can be very therapeutic to write, and in some cases (like with this poem), to read!

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