the quest for happiness and acceptance.

[sfindependent]

I've never felt so low. I've failed in so many things, i've even failed the people here.

 

I have been so low already. The love of my life doesnt love me that way anymore. she's not as thoughtful as before. I'm not her priority anymore. I'm literally just a friend that she would talk to once in a while. Thats all she wants from me now. That's all I will ever be. NC wont do anything to bring her back. I can heal from that. I'm stuck loving her from the back ground, and knowing i can never touch her that way again. I must move on. i shouldnt care anymore. She doesnt care about me that way anymore, I shouldnt care about her anymore either. The last thing I heard from her awhile back was "i'll call you later. or better yet, just call me. You're the one who doesnt want to talk to me anymore." For her, she only wants to be a friend. that is the only way I can be close to her. To which I replied "just call me, I want you to do whatever it is you want to do". Am I willing to hurt a lot to gain a friendship out of this? I want her back but I dont know what to really do, and I've been racking my brain ever since.

 

then I'm failing one of my classes. I'm having such a hard time concentrating in reading and keeping up in my readings. i found myself at 7am the other day, three pages in the chapter I was reading with nothing but garbage in my head. I couldnt concertrate. The only thing I knew was that I felt miserable and alone.

 

I got laid off today as well. I have no savings, no money in the bank and a lot more freetime to wander and wonder about things. I have a crap load of bills to pay and I have nothing to pay them with.

 

I moved back in with my parents and I feel like a dog with its tail in between its legs. I hate that. I hate it, hate it, hate it. i know its only fair to give my fair share, but when I had my apartment, i was king. but I also lived with my ex.

 

 

no way to go but up from now on. I hope. I thought it couldnt get worse when she left me and never looked back. but Sh*t gotten worse for me, i think.

[Entomon]

Let me say this - everyone at one point and time in their lives has been in your exact situation. So don't feel you're alone in this trying time of your life. You're no worse off than your neighbor or the person down the street. Heck, at least you're close to family - I'm an ocean away.

 

I say take this time to reflect and plan for the future. You can start slowly, day by day. With the free time on your hand, seek out new employment, do the things that you've always wanted to do when you couldn't while you're attached, develop new hobbies, make new friends - all these will steer your mind clear of dwelling on the past and your failures. Remember no person is a failure if they try. So put yourself to the test, challenge yourself. You'll be surprised at discovering the potential you harbor within yourself for great things.

 

Overall, I think finding happiness and acceptance is really found within yourself. It has to start with you and you have to want it bad enough.

 

Good luck and I wish you all the best.

[sfindependent]

i definitely am. people here have been really supportive of me, and I have been struggling so far. I know there are a lot worse things out there than what i've been complaining about. my problems are nothing compared to what others here or anywhere have been through.

 

I wish she was back here, she supported me like no one did. I responded by showing her, her efforts were not in vain. I miss her. argh.

 

I miss my job already. 5years!!!! slaving for that gadawful place.

 

when will things look up? i gotta take charge of my life!

 

thats what's good. that's what's attractive. that's what I need.

[bulletproof]

Hey there. I have been where you are and here is what I did. I found two jobs and I worked my a*s off. Working all the time helped keep my mind busy, helped me meet new people, and paid the bills. On top of that, I was actually able to save some money so that when all was said and done I could take a nice long vacation.

 

I know that you're in school and your time is probably limited, but fill those hours the best way you can. You can kill two birds with one stone (money woes and too much time on your hands) by getting a job, any job. Doesn't matter what it is, because you can always quit it if you don't like it. Just take some sort of action, because one of the few things that helped me in your situation was feeling like I was taking control of my own life.

 

Things will get better. This is your rock bottom. You can make a great comeback.

[sfindependent]

I will! No way to go but up. You know one thing I hate, is that rightnow, I've got a bad reputation with my friends, my family and especially my ex. Like "who's this sad guy" and "awww, look how sad he is, he can do so much better". MAN I WANNA WOW THEM!!!!! i wanna make myself better for myself.

 

I was talking to my ex awhile back and she said, "I'm happy now". she was happy for being single, independent and can do whatever she wants. I live alone now, no job, and no direction as to how to make my life better. how can I find my own self? my mojo? how can I make her want me back? You know, i might not even want her back later on, but right now, its like, comparing yourself to someone who thought they were better off without you. anyone know what i mean?

[rightfromthestart]

"You know one thing I hate, is that rightnow, I've got a bad reputation with my friends, my family and especially my ex. Like "who's this sad guy" and "awww, look how sad he is, he can do so much better". MAN I WANNA WOW THEM!!!!! i wanna make myself better for myself."

 

ok - that is #1 - stop thinking or worrying what other people think of u and if u must flip that thought upside down...maybe they are actually proud of u.

 

"I was talking to my ex awhile back and she said, "I'm happy now". she was happy for being single, independent and can do whatever she wants. I live alone now, no job, and no direction as to how to make my life better. how can I find my own self? my mojo? how can I make her want me back? You know, i might not even want her back later on, but right now, its like, comparing yourself to someone who thought they were better off without you. anyone know what i mean?"

 

see, again, you are comparing. once u stop doing that u will fly. u can do it

[rightfromthestart]

"You know one thing I hate, is that rightnow, I've got a bad reputation with my friends, my family and especially my ex. Like "who's this sad guy" and "awww, look how sad he is, he can do so much better". MAN I WANNA WOW THEM!!!!! i wanna make myself better for myself."

 

ok - that is #1 - stop thinking or worrying what other people think of u and if u must flip that thought upside down...maybe they are actually proud of u.

 

"I was talking to my ex awhile back and she said, "I'm happy now". she was happy for being single, independent and can do whatever she wants. I live alone now, no job, and no direction as to how to make my life better. how can I find my own self? my mojo? how can I make her want me back? You know, i might not even want her back later on, but right now, its like, comparing yourself to someone who thought they were better off without you. anyone know what i mean?"

 

see, again, you are comparing. once u stop doing that u will fly. u can do it

 

sending positive vibes yer way

[sfindependent]

i know... i shouldnt compare.... outa sight outa mind...