Where Do I Begin?

[sandyv]

Hi there, I have a bit of a long saga here, so thanks if you bear with me. I was with my bf for 5 months in total. When I met him I knew he had a bipolar ex and sole custody of three children. Apparently they have been apart 3 years, And worst of all we all live in the same neighbourhood, so its very hard to avoid anyone at all. Its not a small town but sure feels like one I'll tell you. Anyway in the begginning things seemed o.k., I met his kids, and unfortunately his ex too. She is very, and I mean extremely hostile, according to her this is because of her children, (she doesn't want me around them) but since then I've found out otherwise.What has occurred since, as I've said, she's very vindictive and she called the Children's Aid Society, who now have taken the children, and have placed them with Jacks brothers. NOW my ex bf.

 

He and I have had long talks, and the relationship seemed to to be doing very well, (great love life) .....other than running into her when him and I were together on occasion. Needless to say he was very upset about the kids and things were very tense for a few weeks, and then he seemed to be a little more accepting regarding his kids, and how eventually (within a few months hopefully) he would get the kids back. How things started was he asked me to his place for dinner one night about a month ago. Everything was fine until he asked if I was spending the night. I told him I had a few things to get done at home, because I had a baseball game the next day. He was angry and said "Just Go, You Play Games", I said "Nope, no games", well that didn't work, so I left. Didn't hear anything from him for 2 days. Well I didn't call him either, but 2 nights later was with friends at the cafe. We were outside smoking and I see him accross the road at another cafe with the bipolar ex. I know he saw me too. They then walked away to his place which is just a block away. I was devasated. I gotta kinda loaded and just decided to go home and sleep it off.

 

Next day back at the cafe with friends, he is accross the road with his art work set up (he's a painter). I'm out having a smoke, he saunters over and asks to talk, which we did. He said he'd been very upset about the children and she been bugging him. I go to his place with him. We were getting intimate, he then tells me he slept with her that night I saw him, but it won't happen again....... Well big mistake, I forgave him. Things were good for another 2 weeks, then he sorta disappears (after calling everyday) and well guess what? You've got it probably, stupid me I didn't see it coming.

](*,)

I last saw him Satuday night, he came into the cafe, and asks me to dance, then after about an hour he simply gets up and walks away........ I've heard since he's back with the physco nutcase. How can someone be so damned heartless, no conscience at all. I'm trying to come to terms but am so hurt.

[Gold Hawk]

It could be some of his X-wifes neurosis rubbing off on him. He most probably loves her very much. But she's toxic to him. So he plays with his addiction. She's his addiction that he can't seem to let go.

 

Shame about the kds though.. you'd think that would be his first PRIORITY...

[arwen]

You don't need this flakiness and him cheating, because that is exactly what he did. He didn't take responsibility for any of his actions, and on top of it he went back to the ex? Well, I think he did you a favour of walking away. Don't contact him, and don't let him contact YOU.

 

You will be fine hun. Really.

 

Take the time and vent all you want here on the forum.

 

Ilse

[sandyv]

Thanks Ilse, your kind remarks really do help, I guess I think of hurting someone like he's done to me, and I just honestly could not do that to anyone. Its very strange, he was so caring, I work, he doesn't (he's on assistance) so he would cook for us every night. So I find it hard to understand how he could be so cold and nasty.

 

Wish the sadness would go away, it seems I get a apple in my throat at the worst times (like at work), and the most horrible part is going to be avoiding him, he lives three blocks away.

[arwen]

I know, it's very difficult when you see such another side from him when you thought him to be a very caring person. But in fact, don't forget that it's not just NOW that he went back to the ex. Things were already going south when he cheated on you with her. You seem a very kind and forgiving person with a big heart. But I think it might be good to learn from this; not all people can be trusted and if someone betrays you, I don't think they always deserve a second chance. It's hard, YOU would never do this to another person, and part of your view on him is also determined by the way you'd handle situations in life. He handled them differently, and was a total coward to you. After all, you are the better person here.

 

The 'apple in the throat', it's just tension from being hurt and sad. It will go away in time. As for avoiding him, it's hard to see him if you run into him, but on the other hand, you can now explicitly ignore him and act as if he doesn't exist. Side story: the break up that made me come to this forum 2 years ago was from a very short relationship, but one that crushed my ego most. The guy was such a jerk to me. Because we sort of come in the same circles of people, I occasionally saw him at swimming competitions and concerts. I'd just stare right 'along' him, and if I looked at him, act as I never even knew him. Because that is in fact the truth. He was someone completely different than the impression he gave me in the two months that we were together and when the true person came out, it was over within a week.

 

Maybe this puts things in a brighter perspective. Things can only get better. You learn from every relationship.

 

Ilse