Advice please

[Biffy]

Last week my girlfriend of 6 months broke up with me.

 

I'm 26, she's 23 - we got together 3 months after she got out of a 3 year relationship. It started off where she was unsure what she wanted but then it was smooth sailing for 5 months - we got on really well, went on 2 holidays together and then about 3 weeks ago she told me she was in love with me.

 

Then virtually out of the blue she told me that she needed to be on her own and was not ready for a relationship and that I was so good that she doesn't feel like she can give me what I deserve in a relationship.

 

I've spoken to her since and she doesn't have much else new to say other than she needs to be on her own for a while, and when asked if there's a chance we can get back together she says maybe.

 

This is a real head trip for me, as is the messages and phone calls from her telling me she misses me. I also work in the same building as her so have to look at her everyday.

 

I'm absolutely heartbroken and can't move on - some advice would be great please peeps.

[amtjrtcet]

To ease you own pain you need not to have contact with her. As hard as it may be, don't answer her calls. Ignore her messages. Its selfish of her to say she misses you and such if she "needs time to herself" right now. As for work, try and avoid the areas of the building she will be in as much as possible.

She very well may have jumped into a relationship too soon, but that's not your fault.

[Jayar]

I'd initiate No Contact. There's a lot of info on it here on the boards, but basically you don't talk to her unless and until she says she wants to be with you (if you want to be with her at that time). It will either encourage her decision along, or help you heal. Both are win-win.

[krieg]

you have the exact same situation as me virtually.

 

i honestly cannot sujest what to do (fat lot of help i know

 

read mine is you want something to asociate with

 

 

 

and i she will gradually come to dislike you if you are lurking around trying to do No Contact, and it will be virtually impossible and inpractical in your situation, so i would sujest not 2 personally..

[Jayar]

...and i she will gradually come to dislike you if you are lurking around trying to do No Contact, and it will be virtually impossible and inpractical in your situation, so i would sujest not 2 personally..

 

If you are lurking around, then by definition you are not doing No Contact. If you were doing NC, you would not be lurking around... You would just be moving on and healing. If she comes back, she comes back.

 

There's nothing in the OP's situation that makes NC impractical or impossible... And there's really nothing in YOUR situation that makes it impossible either. The fact that you love her and want to be with her and are unable to move on is not an exemption from doing NC... It's the REASON for doing it! It isn't going to be easy for you, but it WILL make healing easier. Same to the original poster.

[friscodj]

Welcome to ENA Zombiain! Great to have you around.

 

I have been in this situation, almost exactly minus the co-worker aspect. Actually, I've heard that same line she gave you a few times, to where I could finish her sentence for her...word for word...

 

And then the emails! What are those all about? Man, if those don't rock your boat, I don't know what does...

 

It's obvious that she "wants but she doesn't want". She "wants" you to "be there", she wants your expressions of love, etc., wants you "there" but doesn't want to be with you, and then throws this "maybe" line at you...yes...I've visited this place in the pain cave before...

 

It's pretty clear you need to cut all contact with her. I know some people on here will tell you to do that almost robotically but in this case, it is absolutely necessary I think no question...

 

But the co-worker situation is the wrench in the machinery here. That one will probably prove to be the toughest aspect of this situation. You've just got to go to work, and expect the worst from her and the situation. Wake up, clap your hands, plan out your work day, go there in full emotional body armor, and literally "get the job done" on both levels. Limit contact, one word answers if absolutely necessary, don't reply to her emails, nothing...

 

Disa-freaking-pear...

[Biffy]

Thanks for the advice everyone.

 

Since, I had one more attempt at talking to her to understand her thinking and in that conversation she said that she doesn't think we'll get back together again so I told her not to contact me anymore.

 

She didn't for a day but now I'm getting a few messages a day from her and I'm ignoring most of them and replying to the odd one with blunt, to-the-point replies.

 

I can't help but get hope from the fact she keeps contacting me and I know I probably shouldn't but I don't know why she would keep trying to contact me.