"Friends"

[ontheverge]

For a long time now I seem to wind up in friendships where I do more giving than taking. I am a person who has a lot of walls. High ones, big ones, concrete ones. I am open with people to an extent, but I find it hard to be vulnerable to people. When I do let someone in I find that they disappoint.

 

Take this instance for example. I have 2 friends, M and J. We all hung out together and had good times and a lot of fun. Since a few weeks before the new school term started, I have barely seen them. I figure no big deal as they are busy right? Mind you these were people who we chit chatted on an almost daily basis. We were all pretty tight or so I thought. We started hanging out in Feb, and hung out pretty consistenly all summer. These were my homies. Then a week or so before my birthday 3 weeks ago I dont hear from them. Not a word. (Insert chirping crickets). By the time my birthday strolls around, I get a Happy Birthday from one of them (M) and nothing at all from the other. Now I dont care about presents and all that, but a hey lets do lunch would have been nice. For M's b-day I got her 25.00 DVD and for J I bought him some silly cufflinks (not expensive, just funny). I didnt spend a whole lot and I didnt do it to get a gift in return, they were just little things I thought they would like. All I am saying is a card would have been nice.

 

To add insult to injury, M (after my b-day) and I went out to lunch, and we walked past a shop, and she said that when she passes those shops she thinks about how much she spend on her (other) friends birthdays and Christmas and she gets upset because she got a bad gifts in return, e.g., a garden plaque from the Dollar Store with the tag still on it. I felt like saying yeah try not getting one at all! To top it off we went to Wal-Mart last night and she was telling me all this stuff that she was doing for another friend of her's for her birthday, and I just wanted to be like, why are you telling me this?

 

I am going to try and let this roll. Maybe I should say something, but it feels petty and whiny to do that. I just needed to vent this out. I just feel used. It feels like most people now are pretty inconsiderate of others, and I am sick of it. I try to be nice, e.g., offer gas money, get cards for people celebrating milestones, sending thank you notes. I am not saying for every gift I send out I want a hand written note on linen paper, no certainly not. I guess I just wish I could find a friend or two who doesnt use me, screw me over or who forgets my birthday. Seriously, these 2 people make 4 friends who were seriously close to me who have "forgotten it". Ok I am going to end this pitypalooza here. Thanks for listening.

 

OTV

[rose2summer]

Hey ontheverge,

 

You should give out of abundance, not to receive in return,

 

If you feel these friends just take and don't support the friendship,

 

Then it's time to find some new friends,

 

Who truly care about you,

 

I would never base my friendship's worth on b-day gifts,

 

But instead on actions, do they call me or am I always calling them, etc.

 

Good luck,

 

Rose

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Hey ontheverge,

 

You should give out of abundance, not to receive in return,

 

If you feel these friends just take and don't support the friendship,

 

Then it's time to find some new friends,

 

Who truly care about you,

 

I would never base my friendship's worth on b-day gifts,

 

But instead on actions, do they call me or am I always calling them, etc.

 

Good luck,

 

Rose

 

 

Rose, it doesn't sound to me like ontheverge is giving only to receive, nor that she bases her friendships' worth strictly on gifts. I read her post and I think she made that pretty clear. She just would've liked to have been acknowledged. That seems like a pretty reasonable desire to me.

 

Ontheverge, I definitely understand where you're coming from. Unfortunately the truth is friends will let you down in one way or the other, and yes just try to look at the bigger picture of the friendship. If the friendship is more of a drain on you than anything positive, then it's time to put it on a shelf, until then, just try to make the best of the good parts of it. Also it might be good for you to be a bit less eager to spend time with them as it sounds as if they may be taking your friendship for granted.

 

PS. No more prezzys for those two

[ontheverge]

teddybear ~ that is exactly it. Just for them to be like, hey lets hang out its your birthday! That was all I wanted. Sit down and chill with a movie we have all seen a million times or something to that effect. I didnt want a big to do with cake and singing at a restaraunt, or anything like that. Like I said, it almost feels a bit petty, but I try to be a good friend.

 

As far as the bigger picture with these two, I dont know yet. I can feel myself almost emotionally distancing myself, just in case. That isnt good I know, but right now in this second, I just have this big desire to cocoon myself. I have lots of homework and research and stuff to do this weekend and after that school will have a lot of my time. That is probably good. I will be able to think about things and where I want to go from here. You know when I was younger, it would not have bothered me so much I would have been like whatever, lets roll. As I have gotten older though it seems to be a more difficult process.

[Moore]

Some people in this world are cruel and then some just dont think. Its seems to me that your friends dont think. They are taking you for granted and it is a horrible feeling, I do now.

 

What you should ask yourself is, does your happiness depend soley on these friends? Friends you have in school will not automaticly keep being your friends forever. People do grow apart for whatever reasons. There is no reason not to continue to be kind and curtious to these people however try not to let the reactions or lack of, from them dampen your ability to care.