ex behaves erratically, sick of being jerked around

[zztop]

My ex is really weird. We didn't hang out much after the breakup but because we were in school together we saw each other all the time. Anyway we graduated and then he went on a long trip. Before he left he became really clingy and while he was gone he wrote me frequently and sent me pictures of his family and friends etc.

 

well he's back now and treats me like I have leprosy. I asked him of I had done anything to make him angry he said no, I should relax. But like last night, we were at a party and I went over to say hi and have a little conversation and he bolted. By the end of the night he refused to even be in the same room with me!

 

I feel tense all the time he is around, because he is tense or whatever, chicken or egg thing. My world is upside down.

 

ok, there's a part of me that wishes we could just make up and be friends. But I get the feeling he doesn't want to be bothered with any "feelings" stuff. Things either happen naturally or not at all. He won't talk about our relationship ( 1 year plus) or the breakup with me or anyone else. I on the other hand need to talk through things sometimes. I am hesitant to bring this up with him because i think he would tell me to off and not be so sensitive, and that I am overexamining his behaviour so of course he is tense. But really, I'm not. But I am sick of being jerked around. Worse, I can't get him out of my life because we move in the same circles!

 

I am sick of this but feel trapped, what do I do?

[friscodj]

Hey zz-

 

Break-ups affect people in different ways. He's delaing with things in his way, right or wrong. You are expecting him to deal with things how you would like or understand it sounds. This just isn't realistic...

 

I know you want to be friends but at this point, it is pretty clear that won't happen. What I think you should do is seek to accept the situation as I believe that acceptance will lead to indifference. Eventually down the road after he deals with this in his way, comes to grips with things and distance has been made between you two, a friendship might happen. Don't count on it though...

 

So how do you deal with things in the meantime? How do you work on feeling less trapped? I'd say ignore him. You can be around someone and still "not" be there. Work on making this happen with this guy and his association with your mutual circle of friends... In simple terms...just don't care as much...

[zztop]

But he send me emails about funny things and calls to tell me funny things which happen to him etc! I do agree with you that I need to detach more.

[friscodj]

But he send me emails about funny things and calls to tell me funny things which happen to him etc!

 

This is part of his way of dealing with things I think. What I've learned is that we have a hard enough time figuring out ourselves and that trying to figure out someone else and what they are doing only complicates things more!

 

So just expect him to do stuff you don't understand and work on detaching like you said...