Is there a chance...ever?

[Lancer]

Hello all, I am new to the board but am needing some advice.

 

This has been the topic of many posts. But here it goes anyways.

 

My girlfriend of two years, whom I love more than anyone in the world broke up with me about three weeks ago because "She just felt we became closer friends than anything". That was the worst thing I ever wanted to hear. However she says that she still loves me as a friend, and that she appreciates everything I did for her when we were together.

 

Just wondering what makes girls change their minds about things like this, and if there may ever be a chance of rekindling the flame? She says that she wants to remain friends and hang out and stuff. But what does that mean for me?

 

Thanks in advance

[Ineedamiracle]

I have had a similar relationship. In this instance, the guy seemed so wonderful, that I got so scared and all I would accept is friendship. I read on a previous thread that we all become so much more attractive when we become less available. I believe this to be true and that sometimes when we see someone getting on with their lives without us, we start to appreciate who they really are as a whole. Move on, without all the availability as a friend and maybe things will turn around in your favour.

Best wishes.

[mk]

Do you think that once you go into friend stage and ask her to start over?

 

To estiablish the needs of each others and discuss about it? Will you think it could start to work?

 

Any comments?

[Mango88]

Hi Lancer,

 

I agree with Ineedamiracle. The less available one is, the more the other will appreciate him or her.

 

If you get her back this way, though, what's to say things won't fall right back into the place they were before and you'll be back to square one?

 

Perhaps doing so will make her realize what she really has lost, but if it falls back into a "friendship" thing again on her part, don't even bother with it anymore.

 

I have yet to figure out why some women change their minds like that, but there isn't all that much we can do in terms of setting them back on track.

 

If you seriously want to be friends with her, keep hanging out with her and stuff, but I'd be too hurt to do so if I were in your shoes, at least for the time being. The best way to regroup is to have her out of your life completely for a bit. You'll be able to think more clearly and it will help you decide what exactly you'd like to do in terms of you and her.

 

So don't be less/not available just to try to get her to want you back; do it for yourself, too!

 

-Mango

[holeinmysoul33]

If i were you, I woulnd't count on getting back together. Not knowing your ex, I can only speak for the general population of women. Generally women will only break up with a guy if their feelings have changed in some way, which is exactly what she told you. She said she feels more like friends than lovers. I honestly know what thats like, to be told that they just want to be friends after two years of being intimate. Its very difficult, and the only thing that helped me was to not be friends with my ex. I didn't start to feel better about the breakup until we stopped talking. I have no doubt that eventually I'll be able to be friends with him again, but for now its not important to me. I've gained so many other friends to fill the void I felt by loosing him.

 

This is just my experience, though. Every situation is different. If you'll see your ex every day at school or work, not being friends will likely not work. Still, don't let let yourself believe that you can get back together. Your just leading yourself to more disappointment.

 

I hope this isn't too depressing of a reply, but I can't help letting you know my experience and how I would handle it. Best of luck to you.

[Lancer]

Thanks for the input guys and girls. Although my heart is broken for now, I am ever so slightly on the road to recovery. I still want to be friends and hang out, not so much to try to get her back but because we were friends before we got together and I want to be friends after all of this.

 

I feel as if I owe it to myself to at least give being friends a try. If it fails then I will have to cut the ties all together. I just feel that by being friends with her, I can show her why she fell in love with me in the first place.

 

I think the downfall of the relationship was moving in together too soon. We were only together about a year before we moved in together. Everything went great at first, but over the last 4 months we started to argue more. Not big arguments, just everyday stuff that we never fought about before.

 

I am just wondering now if maybe she is just scared that if she held on it would end up hurting even more. I say this because of the fact that she has seen what can happen, ie: Her parents got divorced, and the last boyfriend she had treated her like shit after they were together for about a year and a half.

 

Does anyone think that this could be an underlying reason for the decision she has made?

[Genesis]

Yes I am going through this right now . My ex and I broke up and now he wants me back.

 

 

He says that he loves me so much and wants me and only me.

 

She is taking you for granted.

 

Let her go and see what happens.

 

My ex came crawling back maybe she will too, but you can not sweat her or it will not work.

[eclipse]

I had a similar situation happen to me too. I hooked up with my best friend and I was with her for about a year before things began to get stale. It turns out there wasn't enough romance in our relationship and we were back in the friend zone. Unfortunately it seems after we were together it was almost impossible to be friends and I haven't spoken to her in a while (with the exception of having bumped into her at a restaurant over the weekend). Anyway, you may just need to be patient, things can go either in the direction of neither of you speaking again or you may just rekindle a friendship with the possibility of the two of you once again becoming romantic. Just be patient and try to date here and there so you can figure out more of what you want from a relationship. People always think that there is just one perfect person in the world that is just made for them. That's not true, we just stop looking when we feel we've found the right one. Anyway, just be patient and live your life like you always have, maybe try some new things. Remember, you were fine before her and you'll always be fine after her.

[Lancer]

Well that is some good advice eclipse. I have yet to see my ex since we broke up. We are planning to get together this weekend. I am hoping that it is not weird between us so we can still hangout as friends. Even if I can't get back with her, just having her around would make all the difference in the world right now.

[zerohour]

Lancer,

 

I'm skeptical as to your motivations for wanting to be friends with your Ex right now. Usually when a girl breaks up with a guy that they loved, they will always want to remain friends (often still claiming to "love" you as a friend). This has happened to me, and it quite a sticky spot to be in. On one hand, you're happy that you can still see your Ex and that you are on good terms with her, but on the other hand, you can't help but wonder whether or not the word "love" carries the same connotations that it used to. And, of course, the answer is: no, it doesn't.

 

This soon after being dumped, I don't think you're genuinely ready to be friends with your Ex. Since she is the one that did the breaking, she is probably completely ready to be friends with you, but I think you have an ulterior motive at this point--namely, hoping that you two end up getting back together.

 

Before you two can truly be friends, you are going to have to get over this. Otherwise, you're building a friendship on false pretenses (you secretly--or even not so secretly--wanting to get back together with her), and that's not going to be a healthy friendship in the long run. In fact, I think that the closer you two become before you are really over her, the harder it is going to be for you to finally get over this girl.

 

I understand that spending time with your Ex fills a void that you have in your heart right now, but I think you will find that more than anything, it is incredibly difficult to see her when you know that you two aren't together, and that you probably won't be getting back together.

 

I would recommend reading my post on "waiting for your Ex," I think it would be helpful in your situation.

link removed

 

Best of luck.

 

-Zer0