empty421 Posted August 22, 2006 Author Share Posted August 22, 2006 he just called me... this is killing me im trying not to cry again Link to comment
empty421 Posted August 22, 2006 Author Share Posted August 22, 2006 help! i dont want to break down again... how do you deal with them calling?? Link to comment
sillygurl Posted August 22, 2006 Share Posted August 22, 2006 thank you so much i really needed to hear that.. i know its all true but my heart tells me otherwise... but i think my mind is starting to be in control.. i love skating.. i should start doing that again... its been a long time... im giving him space now... its all up to him from now on... if he wants to fix things then he will if he dosent then he wont, no matter what i do... im trying to come to terms.. everytime i start to feel bad again someone on here makes me feel better... i should just stay on here all day... Another poster, Super Dave said thinking with your heart when it's broken is like wrestling with your arm when it's broken...not wise! Remember that! I tried to remember that this weekend while with my ex... maybe you can join a team or something, doing things you love with other people is a killer way to distract yourself from the pain and meet new friends. I have a friend who joined a roller derby, she has a ton of new girlfriends and got into great shape! Her ex saw her and drooled...don't know if it was her newfound confidence or toned legs I spent hours on here all last week, learning to know how to deal with seeing my ex. It helped me to have control over my emotions and keep my broken heart from making regrettable decisions (aka verbal vomit, in my case) for me. Everyone's posts and the support everyone shows each other made me feel so much better! Stay glued to this if you need to, till you feel good enough to get up and deal with the outside world again. At the very least, you know someone else on here could use your comfort. Hang in there! You can do it!! Link to comment
sillygurl Posted August 22, 2006 Share Posted August 22, 2006 OH NO!!! I didn't see your last two posts before I left my last one. He called, did you answer? Did he leave a message? What did he say? Link to comment
empty421 Posted August 22, 2006 Author Share Posted August 22, 2006 he called and i was weak and picked up... he told me goodnight... and he loves me... the usual... i think i can handle the not calling him, but how do you not pick up when they call you and you feel like they are reaching out to you? i feel like if i dont pick up he will tell me he wants to see me or that he made a mistake and he wants to be with me again... isnt it ok if i just dont call?? he is the one who needs space, not me.. so if he calls isnt it ok?? LC maybe?? im sorry... im new at this... and there are so many "what ifs"... i know im thinking too much into it... any guidance? Link to comment
empty421 Posted August 22, 2006 Author Share Posted August 22, 2006 am i stupid for thinking there may be a chance... why does he make the effort to call if he really thinks its over? why does it feel like he dosent hurt? all these thoughts keep running through my head.. sillygirl.. i answered you in my last post.. yes i am weak should i do LC... (picking up when he calls/returning his calls, yet not contacting him) i dont want him to think i am ignoring him and i gave up... i know he will take it like that... what do you guys think?? please give me some guidance on this post and the last... ive never been through this before and i know im proabbly irrational... Link to comment
menotyou Posted August 22, 2006 Share Posted August 22, 2006 I dont remember where, but there are several posts about this sort of thing elsewhere on the forum. As far as 1 sided NC, yes I can only imagine that it rips you to pieces every time he calls, emails, txtmsgs, and so forth. One of the things that has worked for other people on this board is to let him know that you two are not in a relationship any more and that you dont want to hear from him again unless he is serious about recommitting to the relationship and making a serios effort to "fix" things. Im not sure if this helps you any, but I hope so. Link to comment
empty421 Posted August 22, 2006 Author Share Posted August 22, 2006 if by this weekend i dont have some kind of idea of what is going on.. i am going to tell him something along those lines.. it does help... thank you... if you have read my last 2-3 posts... what advice regarding those things can any of you give me.. have any of you guys done that.. how did it work out?? Link to comment
empty421 Posted August 22, 2006 Author Share Posted August 22, 2006 anyone?? im trying to figure things out rationally... but i know i can be quite irrational right now Link to comment
lozic21 Posted August 22, 2006 Share Posted August 22, 2006 Hey...ok you have to go to search at the top of the site and click it, then type in Superdave71...READ HIS POSTS concerning NC. I read them over and over til they finally stuck...he's a smart guy! If you go to the most read posts at the top I'm pretty sure he has several in there... he has several regarding NC and it does work, many of us have implimented it (I'm even good enough now not to answer when my ex calls everyday) Link to comment
lozic21 Posted August 22, 2006 Share Posted August 22, 2006 Here's the thing, I would suggest you don't answer his calls when he calls, that way he thinks youre out and not stressing over it all, and it is possible you could move on, this will worry him and let him know you're serious. If every time he calls you answer he has you on a string, and can talk to you whenever he wants to...did he always answer your calls? I'm sure if he didn't it gave you a bit of a sick feeling in your stomach that he has yet to experience, but should. If he REALLY wants to talk to you about getting back together, he won't just call one time--then change his mind. In fact, he will probably wonder where you are and get jealous, which will cause him to call more! Just receiving an e mail or call from my ex gives me a sense of ease, because I think, "well he hasn't forgotten me" but I still don't answer. It's hard as hell, but if it's meant to be, ya'll will get back together. Link to comment
empty421 Posted August 22, 2006 Author Share Posted August 22, 2006 i just got back from walking my dog and i want to call him so badly... i know i cant but wow... wont he think i dont want to fix things if i stop making an effort?? he will just think that i dont care anymore.... which i do more than anything.. god i just want to call... i dont have anything to do right now to keep my mind off it.. i just want to call him and talk to him maybe hes thinking that when i call again hell tell me he wants to see me and then we will get back together.. that what i want so badly... i know im losing it again.. afternoons are bad for me... i want to call... stop me! Link to comment
lozic21 Posted August 23, 2006 Share Posted August 23, 2006 lol, did you read superdaves posts in the highest rated section on the site? If not, do it...it helps i promise (plus it kills time). DO NOT CALL...if he wants to get back he will call you, he wouldnt just wait for you to call back. Give him the space he asked for. Link to comment
candy604 Posted August 23, 2006 Share Posted August 23, 2006 just a suggestion, but can you turn it around so it's about YOU and you take charge of the situation. Tell yourself I don't want to go through this pain and such so just forgot about this and tell yourself you are better than him and you deserve someone that loves you. You can do this, there's no point shedding a tear if the other person isn't shedding a tear over you. Go and enjoy your single life, take charge! Go out and met people, develop friends and hobbies, you'll met someone wonderful that's right for you. Link to comment
sillygurl Posted August 23, 2006 Share Posted August 23, 2006 You poor thing...I wish we could give you the hugs you need! I hope our ehugs are any consolation at all.... I read your posts since I last posted and practically had a panic attack for you-- Alone, listen to Candy! Turn this around, make it about you and take charge of the situation. OK, try this: Know that you can actually exhaust yourself of an emotion. The next time it hurts, instead of trying to not think about him, try THROWING yourself into the pain! Allow how much all of this hurts to well up and overflow inside of you. Just dive into the misery, let it wash over you like a terrible rain, and eventually, if you keep seeking out the pain it will elude you. You will try to throw yourself into it, and it won't be as painful... Sounds crazy, but you know how drug addicts need more and more of a drug to get the same high, but it's never as "good" as the first time? Well, your brain understands both emotions and drugs the same way, they are nothing more than chemical reactions to your brain. Your brain can't really effectively distinguish the difference between the "drug" and the "emotion" chemicals it is exposed to, so the way it was explained to me, the more you seek the "emotion" high (of being in pain) the less likely you are to feel as much from it. Let me know if you need me to expain any of this better, I've had a very long day and am not exactly in top form... I am crossing my fingers for you; I know you can remember how to be the girl he fell for, not the girl he tripped over walking out the door. Link to comment
mysteriousGIRL Posted August 23, 2006 Share Posted August 23, 2006 Hello empty, Out of reading all the story on this site, your situation is the most similar to mine. Me and my man have been together for three years as well. A week ago after a fight, he broke up with me and told me he needs space. Ofcours i cried, plead, told him how much i loved him and i would change, even wrote him a 5 page letter. It only made him make me move out of his place. The only difference this is the third time he has done this to me. Call me stupid, but i go back to this man with a drop of a heart beat no matter what anyone saids. A lot of these post tell you that you need to love yourself before you love someone else, and perhaps i feel exactly the same way as you do right now, so i feel that you are doing nothing wrong. Loving someone isn't wrong. But if we want that person back it is wrong. I don't want to be a hypocrite, but just a couple hours ago i called him and told him how much i miss him and begged him not to do this to me again... Pathetic huh? well from a woman's stand point no, we simply ask why is this man doing this to me? Why is loving him this much not enough? I am really in no position to give any advice because i do cry myself to sleep everynight feeling helpless. But i can tell you is from past experience. I can guarantee you that he will come running back to you once u show that you moved on. As much as he said he is done, he isn't. He still checks your myspace (if you have one) when he misses you to see if you are with someone else. He still picks up his phone and wonders if you will call. After a month of you giving him no attention at all he will start to do little things. For me he started calling my roomate started telling her how he hung out with all these little hoes. He will start bothering the people around you. Karma might i say, because im sure you have talked to all his friends by now asking them to put in a good word for you. After his little excuses to contact u fails, he will start to call you as a friend. Stay cool, be a friend and listen to his problem. DON'T YOU DARE MENTION GETTING BACK TOGETHER. When the time is right start talking about "What went wrong" Like "oh wow, looking back that was foolish of me, if i could do it all over again i would do it differently" Give hints you changed. Make him to start thinking about you as a "US" again. Than stop answering his calls, he will start to come see you. He will ask u to spend time, you will turn him down and say ur busy. Than he will get desperate and think your with another man..... But that is a poor way to get someone back over jealousy, but i think at this point u are willing to do anything to have him back at ur side. Well my last battle with my man lasted for a month and he came back to me. He was good to me for a year, and now he is acting up again. Being hurt and missing him a faze you go through. Mine is actually more self-centered. He kicked me out of his house, but sleeping in my thousand dollar bed with my 300 dollar comforter. I'm moving in to my new apartment next week. I to will be needing a lot of help. Dealing with this alone is really lonely. Even though i know, there is a chance he will come back to me, im unconfident. We been through this so much, he might just say 'f' it and give up. Because no matter how much i cry or tell him i love him he is still telling me he dont want to do it anymore. Come to think of it, can you please give me advice?? Link to comment
LostAngel Posted August 23, 2006 Share Posted August 23, 2006 Hi empty I sent you a PM... LostAngel Link to comment
empty421 Posted August 23, 2006 Author Share Posted August 23, 2006 Mysterious, i know im always scared that he will just say "f' it" and mean it... but there is nothing we can do to change that if that is what they decide... when this first happened i thought it was so unfair, so ridiculous, that after so long you have no say in something so important, you invested time too, but then i realized that a lot of things are unfair and that it is part of life... something we must accept... if it is meant to happen, trust me, it will... as for getting your hopes up i am trying not to do the same at this point because whenever i do i seem to get disappointed... try to not expect anything, so that if something does happen you will be pleasantly surprised, and if nothing happens, you wont be more disappointed... i know this hurts so badly... it kills me... but try to do things to keep your mind off it... ad for calling him and begging/crying/asking questions i did that about three times when this first happened and each time it pushed him away further.. what would start off as a nice conversation would end as a horrible argument with me miserable... after the last time i did that i promised myself i would not contact him and would only speak to him if he tried to talk to me... which he did... yesterday night, he called me and out of the blue said "so what are we doing this weekend" which caught me completely off guard... if you see my other post on this forum i say the whole story... but now im here happy that he made an effort and wants to see me, yet staying cautious because i dont want to get burned.. im trying to think that nothing special will happen and that we wont get back together so i wont be disspointed when/if it happens... try to keep your head up i know its hard... but one more thing... if this is the third time it happens i think you should REALLY think about the relationship before you are SURE it is what you want.. i know the feeling of hurt are strong, but like other people on this forum have said, dont confuse them for love and for NEEDING to be with the person..i know its really hard and i had a hard time discerning my feelings... i also think you should deal with your relationship directly with eachother, not through friends.. try to keep your head up (as hard as it is) and do other things that make you happy... if you ever need to talk there is always someone on here and I will be happy to help...thank you for your advice and i hope mine helps Link to comment
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