Have to vent

[Gator]

Just got off the phone with the ex. I had to call her yesterday to straighten out our mutual gym membership. She just returned my call this AM. She told me she was sorry it took so long for her to call me back but she was out of town.

 

My heart sank when she said this, but I tried to sound upbeat and positive. I questioned, "Oh yeah, where did you go?" She said she went camping. "oh yeah," I replied, "where did you go?" At least I refrained from asking her with whom, it was pretty obvious to me. She told me where she went, which is of course, the area the guy she is dating is from.

 

EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, I want to scream. First of all, she went on a long road trip with this guy, the area is hours away and I know what she used to like to do to me when I was driving on a road trip. The thought of her doing it to someone else is sickening. Then she went camping with him, this is more serious than I thought. I thought she was casually dating him, but a f***Ing camping trip 3 or 4 weeks into dating him. I am so mad right now. I still have not accepted the finality of the situation, but it looks like I will have to.

[Riggz41510]

How long has it been since you guys broke up??

[Gator]

We have been on and off for 3 months, but she just told me she started dating someone else about 3 weeks ago. Up until that point, I thought we were getting back together, especially since I am moving back to the city where we both lived prior to moving 100 miles away 6 montsh ago.

[tretneo]

Damn Gator, I'm Sorry buddy. I know exactly how you feel. Hang in there and try and take care of yourself.

 

Rob

[Riggz41510]

We have been on and off for 3 months, but she just told me she started dating someone else about 3 weeks ago. Up until that point, I thought we were getting back together, especially since I am moving back to the city where we both lived prior to moving 100 miles away 6 montsh ago.

 

Just because she is dating someone else doesn't mean its over for sure.. She may realize what a jerk he is.. My girl came back after 5 months and then we broke up again and it took her 4 months too come back.. We were never the same. Once you know they will leave and can leave, it feels like you're walking on egg shells. Once the relationship is rattled like that, its hard to recover.

 

See but this is why its a double edged sword if you get her back. You will initially be happy ..But for me I wondered if the guy she was talking too still called her, if she was still seeing him on the side, or if she only came back to me because he wasn't treating her right. It made me feel like I was 2nd best.. SO you have to ask yourself if you get her back will you be able to really forgive her???? Will you resent her for leaving you?? Yes you will be happy in the beginning but as time passes it will weigh heavy on your heart..

[Gator]

I know it is not a good place to be. I feel like this is just a bad dream and I just need to wake up. I remember back when we were together, I did have a dream where she cheated on me, and I remember so distinctly how relieved I was when I woke up and knew it was not real. Now it is real and she is gone and I will not wake up and realize that it is all a dream. That is what hurts.

 

Rob, thank you for your support bro, I hope you are doing better.

[Gator]

She has a birthday and a graduation ceremony (she just finished her BS) coming up on the 20th? I am ready to go all out NC right now, I'm still seething with hurt and anger. Do you guys think I should ignore it and let the events pass, send her a letter, an email, a short call?

 

S

[tretneo]

Honestly I think right now NC all the way man. I am not really one to talk but I wish I had stuck to NC and avoided the last couple of conversations that made me feel worse. Don't take this the wrong way but let her new guy take care of the event congratulations and b-day wishes. She has moved on just like my ex did, we are no longer responsible for them or their feelings. We need to worry about ourselves.

 

As far as being friends and friendly gestures like b-day calls or notes or whatever. Why would we want to be friends with someone that hurt us and betrayed our love? would we accept anyone else as a friend that would do this to us? The answer is no. We owe them nothing and need to move on and cut all ties. I have spent a month and a half wanting to do the complete opposite and hold on but at some point we stop being faithful and loyal and we start becoming pathetic. Hang in there man. You will get through it. She is only going to cause more pain if you don't cut your heart loose from her.

 

Rob

[Riggz41510]

I think you can send an e-mail or text and congratulate her.. nothing more nothing less!!

[Gator]

Rob,

 

The thing is I have absolutely no right to be mad at her about the breakup. She was honest with me and did nothing wrong. She just doesnt love me. Ouch, that is what hurts. It is the pain of the unrequited feelings that I have for her.

[Riggz41510]

Its so crazy too talk to them after a break-up.. It feels like nothing is wrong for a few seconds while you are on the phone, but boy when you hang up, YOU FEEL IT!!

[Gator]

I know, you project all your feeling of love and desire onto the conversation during the moment, but in reality they are not her feelings, they are just your hopes and you fantasizing that she is yours again.

[r3drobin]

well i can tell you im happy as hell i didnt send him a card or anything on his bday.... which was 10 days after mine. yea he sent me an online card, signed "much love".... HAH! F that... and F him. he didnt deserve anything from me and im sure the new woman in his life took care of his bday just fine.

i say let it go by and stick to NC... there's just no other way to go. even though ive had some bad days im happy as hell i have stuck to NC for the past 4 weeks. the days can be hard and sad but i know it would be worse if i was tryin to contact him and hearing him tell me he still doesnt want me.

 

xoxo

robin

[desertnomad]

I agree. I contacted my ex for weeks and all I got was sh** about how I was to blame for everything. I sent the most supportive understanding emails about what she may have been going through even had a professional help me with the emails cause I didnt want to screw it up. But all I got from her was anger and how our time had ended and she had no choice but to not come back. I guess I had to take my beating for whatever reason but it would have been better if I had been tougher and just said what the hell shes the one that left me after 4 years with only a note left on the kitchen table and found out later went on a 7 week roadtrip with a guy 'friend' she met online from another state.

[Riggz41510]

Desertnomad,

 

You know whats crazier is if she decided to get back with you, she would take all the blame and put it on herself. My ex did that twice. When we broke up it was "oh you are this you are that" but as soon as she wanted me back.. She shifted all the blame on herself. I still don't understand why she does/did that??

 

People are always searching for that next fix.. and when I say fix I'm meaning that feeling you felt in the starting stages of our relationships.. That's a lot of the reasons why people cheat.

 

It sucks to be put on the back burner for someone to get their fix and then try and come back too you when its gone.

 

This experience has taught me a life long lesson.

[desertnomad]

yeah I think she did need her next fix especially since our physcial relationship had turned to ice after 4 years but it could have been rekindled. I totally can see that but she didnt put me on the back burner she tossed me in the garbage pile. She would never take blame for anything so her coming back and accepting blame would have been totally out of character.