Should I go?

[lioness726]

I'm sure some of you are familiar with my situation, but for others I'll give the important details.

So, it has been two months since the ex and I split. Our third break up, although this one was my decision. I don't want to be with him anymore (maybe only sexually since he and I really were incredible together](*,)). I know we shouldn't be together. And even if he begged, pleaded, sent me flowers, jewelry, chocolate, and stood on my front lawn outside my house, blaring the song "In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel from a boombox, I still would NOT take him back or be wtih him.

 

I have my down days and feel lonely occasionally. I miss him because yes, I loved him. He really made me laugh, and I really did learn soo much from him. Also, prior to our three year relationship together, we were friends for a few years before that.

 

However, I know breaking up with him was the most crucial and pertinent step I could have made in my life. It HAD to happen. So, no, I have no regrets even though I do miss him.

 

Now after telling you where I stand, this leads me to my "dilemma". My ex just got involved in a band after we broke up that he really does care about. While we were dating, he was in a band where it really wasn't his kind of music thereforeeee, he didn't care as much. He's playing his first show wtih this band at a bar tomorrow night and he invited me. He told me he didn't expect me to go but it would be cool if I did.

 

Now, I'm curious about the music, the people in the band, how they sound and look live. So this is why I would contemplate going. I also have nothing planned tomorrow night, so it's not like I'm ditching plans for him.

 

A couple of friends of mine had said that they would accompany me to the bar if I went.

 

Should I go? I'm over being angry toward him. The issues we had while in the relationship are gone, and I really could care less about them now. I don't want to be with him, but I also would like to be friends with him in the future. I know now is not the time, but I also don't want to be cold.

 

Would I be sending him the wrong message? Would I be showing him that I'm still hung up on him and us? I mean, I would talk to him for a bit after he played the show but... I'm ok with being around him and going, I just don't know if it's the "right thing to do". You know what I mean?

 

Any advice or thoughts?

[theproman23]

Well first of all, has he asked to get back together? if not then I don't see a problem but if he did ask and you said no and you still agreed to be friends that might send him a wrong signal if you go. But if it's just to check out the music go and have fun and be a bit careful around him not to give a wrong impression.

[Bounder]

Hey lionness,

 

I am glad to see you're doing better. Maybe think about how it might make him feel to see you there. Do you think it would mess with his head, hurt him, or make him angry? Does that matter to you? Its ok if it doesnt. But maybe it could cause him to act in a way that may make things more difficult for you......all the best and keep plugging away!

[lioness726]

Thank you both soo much.

 

And in reply to theproman23, no, he has not asked to get back together.

He did tell me that he hadn't given up on an "us" in the future (not near future, but something in a couple years). He said that he could see himself settling down with me but he just wasn't mentally and maturity-wise ready for that.

 

And I don't know if me going would mess with his head. I don't even know if I really care. I don't think it would mess with his head, though. I think he may feel better about things between us... But I really don't know if me going would have such an impact on him. I'm thinking more of the impact it would have on me, and I already thought that one through. It wouldn't bother me.

[Relationship Coach]

I know we shouldn't be together. And even if he begged, pleaded, sent me flowers, jewelry, chocolate, and stood on my front lawn outside my house, blaring the song "In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel from a boombox, I still would NOT take him back or be wtih him.

 

 

This sounds like he wants to get back together to me! If you want to go to cure your own curiosity, go and stay in the background if at all possible. You're there to see the band and not him as an individual. I think you would be sending a very confusing message to him if he saw you. He may end up on your lawn singing to you next time. You've come a long way, could you be setting yourself up for a set back?

 

RC

[theproman23]

Well it sounds like he still has feelings for you somewhat. If you don't care how he feels and if you think it wouldnt effect things and just make things better you should go. No harm in hanging out with friends and check out a band.

[lioness726]

This sounds like he wants to get back together to me! If you want to go to cure your own curiosity, go and stay in the background if at all possible. You're there to see the band and not him as an individual. I think you would be sending a very confusing message to him if he saw you. He may end up on your lawn singing to you next time. You've come a long way, could you be setting yourself up for a set back?

 

RC

 

Lol, no no. That part that you quoted about him sending me flowers and chocolates was hypothetical. And the part about Peter Gabriel's song blaring from the boombox was from the classic movie, "Say Anything". John Cusack did that part about the boombox and the front lawn.

 

Yes, I'm sure he still has feelings for me but, I know he doesn't want to be with me either so I don't think I would be sending him the wrong message.