stupid, stupid, stupid

[hpsowce]

I've been getting better, I've been improving for a while now and what did I do tonight?? I remembered her email login and decided to check what she was up to. Idiot that I am. Well she's flirting like crazy (and I'm mean heavy sexual innuendo) with guys she works with... who I work with too... What did I think she'd be doing?? sitting at home knitting, wondering how she could have broke such a great guys heart? reminiscing over our good times? no, I knew what I would find, so why did I look?

 

Ok, it was a bit of a psycho, stalker moment, I shouldn't have done it, I recommend anyone thinking or wishing they could do the same to STOP, it's not worth it, it hurts and it's not worth it.

 

I don't think this has set me right back to the start, at least I know she has moved on right? but she's been going on nights out with the people I used to go on nights out with... that hurts too, now I'm left with no one but my mates I had before I met her and they have either moved on to full time heavy relationships or they are wallowing in drugs and misery and trying to pull me down with them, at times like this life seems so hard.

[lonelyheart1996]

I'm sorry man. It always hurts the most when you're not expecting these feelings to creep up on you.

 

Keep your chin up.

[Siriana]

Well it was a stupid thing to do, but at least you know now that you woan't do such thing again.

[Psyche06]

I can really understand what you are going thru here. Don't beat yourself up about it, tomorrows a new day and you deserve to be happy and loved as much as anyone, including your ex. Hang in there.

[Shadows Light]

ooooooohhhhh OUCHIE OUCH OUCH.... yep probably not the best thing in the world to do. I always tell people who might have the yen to SNOOP through my house....

 

"Becareful of the choices you make.... your nightmare not mine."

 

I think considering instances of internet stalking... I'd probably say the same thing.

 

So now you know....

 

LET IT GO.... learn the lesson and let the rest go.

 

You don't need to follow your druggie buddies. You don't need to be in a long term realtionship like your other buddies.....

 

Don't follow someone elses trail. Blaze your own trail !!! find something that interests you and pursue it. I'm talking hobbie or some such thing..... I'm sure the right person will Karmically walk into your life when you least expect it. And down the line this will be but a blip in your memory box. Hopefully... you'll be able to look back on her fondly.

 

But for now... Resist the temptation to keep cyber-stalking her... Not good not good not good. Keep telling yourself that.

[lioness726]

Oh man, do I know how you feel!

 

Been there, done that. It sucks! I was at my ex's house a week ago and he was checking his Myspace. I saw that he had a message reply from a girl he messaged. She was in a bikini in the picture and posing all slutty. I think the subject he had put was a smiley face or something...

AAAH!

 

But then I just reminded myself... I said, it's Myspace! Like anything's really going to happen! And of course he's going to message slutty girls on Myspace. These are the attempts of a lonely man.

 

Believe me, flirting helps to numb the pain or even forget about it for a little while. But the pain always comes back and you end up thinking about your ex. I flirt to forget. But in the end, I'm still the same sad and lonely girl thinking about her ex. ](*,)

 

Just try not to look at her email! I know it's hard. But you're right. She's not going to sit there and email her friends about how lonely and sad she is, and how much she misses you. Even if she really is feeling those things, no one but her is going to know about it. Well, maybe her best friend will, but her best friend sure isn't going to tell you that! Lol.

 

But like I said, don't beat yourself up too much about it. Just move on from it. You looked because you still want to feel connected to your ex. You want to know what's going on in her life because you care. That's not something to be ashamed of. It's really hard to go cold turkey from something you had all the time that you loved...

 

Liike everyone said, chin up!

[hrtbrkn]

I feel for you..... I did the same a while back, dont know why. I found some stuff and was really mad and sad. But am working on myself right now, you have to do the same. DRIVE ON !!!

[hpsowce]

Thanks for the replies, they really help. I'm just sick of these set backs, I'll be getting better then bang, back again. I'm thinking of seeing a therapist, does anyone think this will be helpful? I have a lot of self-esteem/confidence issues at the moment and I find myself almost continuously worrying and thinking about the future. Maybe it's not the best time to be thinking of it right now because after last night I feel pretty low, I just want to be out the other side of this thing.

 

Any thoughts on therapy would be great, thanks.

[sky58]

It's a good idea if you want it. I went to one for awhile (until I left college where I was seeing on for free) and they help. It's always good to be able to talk to someone else about it and they're professionals, so they usually offer really good advice. My therapist was able to get me to think about things I never thought about before and brought up interesting pieces here and there. If you feel you need it or want it, go ahead. It doesn't make you crazy and all you're trying to do is move on

[hpsowce]

Well there is a part of me that thinks by seeing a therapist I'm accepting i'm going insane (silly i know)... so thanks for your advise. There's also the fear that they will try and convince me to take anti-depressants... I know that I want to move on and get through things quicker than I am doing so I guess it won't hurt to try it.

[sky58]

You're seeing a therapist, not a shrink hehe They're a bit different. What mine mainly did was just help me talk through it and come to realizations the way I needed to. Of course, they offered advice, but they never once said I needed to take medication or anything. They're there not to convince you that you're nutts, but just to help you when you need it and help you heal. Go in for a meeting and see if you like it. I found mine as an invaluable resource

[Shadows Light]

People who are TOTALLY off the hook NUTS... are the ones that think they are all ok.. there's nothing wrong with them. The rest of the world is insane.

 

However, those of us who quesiton ourselves and our sanity.. are pretty much SANE.

 

And there is nothing wrong with being on anti-depressants not even for a little while.

 

Why don't you try phsyical activiity.. running, jogging, bike riding, lifting weights.. whatever it is you can do to exercise...and your happy hormones will kick in. The endorphins will make you feel a heII of a lot better. You might start seeing things diffferently.

 

If you find that you have lost "all" ummpfff for regular activities.. you can't get out of the house or bed. You develop "anal glycoma" (can't see your butt going into work ) then anti-depressants might be the pick me up you need.

 

You're ok.. your just going through a "loss" and through a grieving stage. Its perfectly "NORMAL" and things will get better.

[Krypt]

curiosity kills. I checked the ex's 2 weeks into the "break" and found out that she already "hooked up" with someone, aka slept with. IT definitely was a set back but anytime I feel like contacting her I think of that. And that helps me move forward. I don't care what she does or who she does. So maybe checking mails and seeing how they moved on does help...

[Siriana]

Well if your leg hurts you go to a doctor (and by the way if you do so are you crazy?), if you have problem with eyes you wear glasses (wow, does that mean you're smart?), if you have some STD you go to a gyno (does that neccessarely means you were sleepin with hunderts of people?), if you don't know how to use your new washing mashine you read instructions (are you're stupid than?), if you don't know how to drive a car you take lessons (are you a looser than?), if you have skin problems you go to a dermatologist (does that mean that you have no idea what soap is?), if you don't know how to solve a problem in your personal life and you are sick of talking about it with your friends you go to therapist.....

Got the point?

 

Go to one that works based on talk. Inform yourself on net how to choose a good therapist. And if you're ashamed of that don't tell anyone about it. Except us here on enotalone;-)