Does he want me back?

[natash24]

Hi all,

 

My ex boyfriend who broke up with me 5 months ago because we fought too much and I have been trying to hang out for a month and a half now. It all started with me suggesting we watch a movie together and when we were going to I had to cancel because something came up. Since then we have been calling each other back and forth trying each week to get together. Usually it's me who can't go and is busy because lately I have been dating and during the weekends I am busy. He has tried calling like 5 times trying to get together with me and I have called him 3 times or so. This last time he called out of the blue on a work day saying he is sorry we haven't been able to hang out during the weekday because he comes from work so late. It seems like he is keeping up with this new frienship thing we are trying to establish post break-up but do you think he misses me and wants me back? I still love him very much and want to see him but I am kinda scared to becaue if he just wants to be friends it might hurt me , I am not sure about that.I plan to invite him to a friends concert soon. How should I act when I see him? Should I tell him I am seeing other guys and would that hurt my chances of him wanting me back or help it? Any advice you could give would be much appreciated.thanks

[foolish]

Well if you broke up because you fought too much what makes ya think that it won't happen again if he does want you back. Were you friends before you starting going out? It sounds like you guys are better off just friends. I had an Ex that fought with me and we broke up. Like 8 months later he calls and wants to talk again to see if it will work again. We tryed and we fought so it didn't work. I don't know. I would really build a friendship with this kid again and go from there. If he seems like he wants to be with you again then I would give it some time and let him wait it out to see how you feel. Be friends for now. As far as you seeing other guys tell him the truth, you guys haven't been together for 5 months so he should accept you how you are.

[d1whoutf]

Hello natash,

I think that you should give him a chance, at least for him to be your friend. Remember that in this world and life anything can happen; what happened to foolish won't neccesarily happen to you.

I don't really know how you should act if you meet him, but I think that becoming friends, trying to fix what wrong is and, if wanted to, become good friends again, would be my choice.

One important point is that this is my opinion. It's up to you if you do something written here or not.

Good luck

*pd. sorry if there are any mistakes in my writing.

[SonataArctica]

A very good point has been proven. You ended it because you fought too much once, whats to say that'll change this time around. Also, you seem like you care about him a lot, so why not give him a chance at friends first? Take it slow, be cautious.

 

I know it sucks, but you have to do it sometime.

[natash24]

When he broke up with me he admitted that he was selfish and that we are 8 years apart him being older than me so we were nto always on the same wavelength. I think I was a bit too clingy and always sacred he would cheat so I was always on edge because he cheated on his last girlfriend 4 years ago. I have only bee with him for 9 months but I think it took at least that long to get used to each other's quarks and maybe now he realizes what he had. I am just a little worries seeing him because I am 10 poinds heaveir than I used to be. I guess it's just vanity and also fear he will look at me and realize I am not what he wants and it will hurt. I just want to find out if he has been dating. should I ask him and how should I ask him?

[reborn]

Honey,

You sound very insecure. You worry about him straying, you are insecure about your self image (10 pounds heavier) you want to know if he is dating.

You also care about him and feel that you still love him and would like to go back with him given the possibility. The only way to get there is through friendship. But like they say, New York wasn´t build in a day and it may not b instantenous.

It is understandable that you feel insecure about your weight, it is a human thing and specially a girl thing. We all want to look our best when meet up the ex boyfriend after a while. But, you must be kind to yourself, and also realistic if you decide to meet him in a week or 2 you won´t be 10 pounds thinner. It may be healthiest to take charge and be proactive. Get your self eating healthier, stop having heavy dinners, no sweets, etc. and walk, or exercise and this way you will take control instead of just feeling fat and insecure and feel better about your self image. You can give yoursel 2 weeks. You may even loose half the 10 pounds with a good healthy diet and exercise program in 2 weeks. All I am saying as far as this is concerned is to look at this insecurity in the eye and don´t let it eat you up. You feel you have gained weight well, take control and loose it and you will feel better about you and more confident when you meet him´

As far as wanting to know wether he dated or not. What is the point? Why do you want to know? I think that kind of information if you already have trust issues with him is just going to feed your jealousy and make it harder to be reunited eventually. Because it will be in the back of your mind that he dated so and so. If you worry that he cheated on some girlfriend he had for 4 years, don´t you think this is just adding fuel to your unhealthy fears? Lets say you are haging out and he gets a phone call, you will probably automatically think is from some girl he is dating. Be confident in yourself!!!! STOP THE INSANITY!!!!! Don´t worry if he dated some other girls for the 5 months you were not together, that is setting your self up for failure and torture and really not healthy at all for you. Think that you are SOOO worth it, and that no other woman is better than you for him. You don´t care about anyone else he has dated. If they were so important he would not be hanging out with you, his recent ex girlfriend as a friend.

My bf broke up with me a little over 4 months ago. Much like you I was clingy and insecure in the relationship. I have suffered a lot during this time, and thank God I feel better now. I have my ups and down, but believe me when I tell you it has been pure torture and I still love him and miss him very, very much and wish we could reunite one day. But in order for the same mistakes not to be repeated, one cannot try to change the other, or blame the other for ones issues and insecurities, one has to work on those inside of us, because that is their root.

 

I have read a lot during this time, and have even gone to counseling, cause I don´t want to this to happen to me again, to sabotage any relationship. What I have learned through hundreds of hours of research, through hundreds of dollars spent in counseling, and millions of tears, and hours of heardache and eventual calm and some peace and sanity is that in order for things to work out next time around, wether with this guy or another you must work with YOURSELF first.

It seems like you may have a chance at this relationship again. But honestly with the insecurities you still have about him cheating on some woman that he had a 4 year relationship with that has nothing to do with you!!!!, and about you being fat and about the gohst of some women that you don´t even know or should care about that he has dated or not, I see very little chances of success for you. I am not a psychic or anything, but I see an insecure untrusting woman, and that is not a good ingredient for success in these cases. Forget him, and wether he cheated on some ex girfriend from the past or he dated or not, this is crazy thinking that is going to get you nowhere or probably back to having fights again. Work on you, on improving your self imagine, your own inner resources to deal with your insecurities, and building your self steem.

Imagine if instead of feeling like you do now, with all the doubts and anxiety you have now, you would feel like you don´t care or feel threated by whatever he did the last five months, cause you feel in your core you are so wonderful and worth it, that you don´t need to bother about that stuff. Also that you feel so confident in your worth that you don´t care what he did in the past, because that experience wasn´t with you. And that even though you may have gained a couple pounds you know you are beautiful and sexy and all woman, and amazing and desirble, because you are you and there is no one like you. I think that may be more attractive and give you more chances of success than putting up some "I got it together and can deal with this friendship" front though you love him and inside you feel so insecure. I think unless you work on you, you will end up having the same problems and may end up sabotaging your chances at future relationships.

Give your self a chance, invest in counceling to clear up the stuff that you don´t need and emerge into the mature, beautiful, confident in herself amazing woman, that you really are. Good luck to you and hope that all works out for you with this guy and towards love.

-Reborn