iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted July 17, 2006 Share Posted July 17, 2006 Any kind of cheating can permanently damage and change a relationship, to the point where it is untenable. Bitterness, resentment, are things that some people can not get past, no matter how much they (may) want to. Link to comment
Phoenix69 Posted July 17, 2006 Share Posted July 17, 2006 Hey LovinIt, He will trust you eventually if he loves you. It takes ALOT of time, but if he really wants to be with you, he will learn to trust again... I had the same thing happen to me, except I wasn't cheating. My BF thought I was and it has taken a long time for us to be "normal" again. Unfortunately it takes TIME and we cannot hurry this... Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 17, 2006 Share Posted July 17, 2006 well, you hurt him pretty badly when you cheated, so it sounds like he's trying to get back at you by making you feel badly also. I agree with teddybear, there are some things that can happen that can permanently damage a relationship, and I think everyone has a different threshold for what that thing is. for some people, it could be a one-night stand, for others it might be a long-term affair. If I were you, I would sit down and have a serious conversation. Tell him again, that you are incredibly sorry for having cheated on him and that you feel very badly for the hurt you caused, and that you will never do it again. But tell him, he needs to either accept your apology, and stop "picking at the wounds" or, you two need to break up. Clearly, him making all of these sarcastic comments and jokes is not helping the relationship, it is just making you feel bad and this is not a healthy relationship. tell him you want to start fresh, look towards the future, maybe suggest couples' counseling. but that this needling needs to stop. he either needs to forgive or forget. good luck Link to comment
Hope75 Posted July 17, 2006 Share Posted July 17, 2006 Let me get this straight-- He is the one who did not want to be bf/gf and exclusive? You did? What were the terms of your relationship? Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 17, 2006 Share Posted July 17, 2006 Let me get this straight-- He is the one who did not want to be bf/gf and exclusive? You did? What were the terms of your relationship? very good point - I was thinking that also. if he didn't want to be bf/gf, then technically.... you did nothing wrong by hooking up with the other guy.... Link to comment
LovinIt Posted July 17, 2006 Author Share Posted July 17, 2006 He wanted to be exclusive, and we were, however, he refused to have the boyfriend girlfriend title with me....i found it extremely shady...and hurtful, because he didnt want to shout to the rooftop that I was his. I guess you can cal it cheating, since we were exclusive, but he WOULD not call me his girlfriend...I find that weird. The whole relationship was just sooooo shady, and weird. I know he needs time. I loved this man, more than anyone I have ever been with....and if you ask most people about the situation with me cheating, they are SHOCKED as they saw how much i LOVED him...i think he wasnt ready for waht i was ready for...and that was forever...and I was so afraid that he would leave me, that I put my effort into something else to ease the pain that I thought would be coming. And who knows it might have, or things might have worked out....I just want to make it work with him. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted July 17, 2006 Share Posted July 17, 2006 I don't understand. He wanted and expected you to be exclusive to him, but he would not call you his gf. To me, 'dating' someone implies that you are free to date other people. It is when you become exclusive as a bf/gf couple that you are entitled to the rights and protections of fidelity and exclusivity. He can't really have it both ways. I would have been hurt if I were you that he didn't want me to be his gf, but I wasn't allowed to see other people too. What was his reasoning for not wanting you as his gf? What other girlfriend privilages were you denied? Did you meet his family? Go out with his friends? Link to comment
LovinIt Posted July 17, 2006 Author Share Posted July 17, 2006 Yeah i was hurt. 7 months I put up with this back and forth bull. I have met his sister...but never his mom, and he lives with her! Everyone knew we were dating, but it took forever to even get to THAT point. He had an ex that he wanted to keep it from for awhile i think. Thankfully, finally, someone sees more to the story, than me just being a jerk for hooking up with someone else. All of his friends knew of me, he didnt hide me, really? Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 17, 2006 Share Posted July 17, 2006 i think that the shady "exclusive but not bf/gf" thing combined with how he's been hurting you with the incessant comments really isn't pointing to a good situation. Link to comment
fishrrshortae Posted July 17, 2006 Share Posted July 17, 2006 I don't think you did anything wrong at all. He hasn't even made real moves on you yet, he won't call you his "girlfriend" and now he's trying to make you feel bad about a decision you made based on his lack of commitment. I think he's terribly insecure and he's taking it out on you. It's not your problem though, and honestly, he's taking this whole "I'm hurt" thing too far (aka, telling you about wanting to sleep with other girls...) Sounds like the relationship is totally unstable at best. I am not really sure what you are trying to "fix" because there never was a real relationship to begin with. Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted July 17, 2006 Share Posted July 17, 2006 I agree with the others that it sounds like he has some issues from past experience maybe trust issues. Sounds like a difficult situation. Link to comment
LovinIt Posted July 18, 2006 Author Share Posted July 18, 2006 HA, and after all these posts, hes the one that cheated on me first!!!!!!! AHH!! Link to comment
Hope75 Posted July 18, 2006 Share Posted July 18, 2006 HA, and after all these posts, hes the one that cheated on me first!!!!!!! AHH!! What do you mean? After he wanted to be exclusive he cheated on you? Tell us about that....?? Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted July 18, 2006 Share Posted July 18, 2006 Yes.....TELL...!! I mean, he said he didn't want to be exclusive, then flipped when you complied, then he got revenge by cheating?? I don't get it...fill us in.... Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 18, 2006 Share Posted July 18, 2006 here is the post she put up today. Link to comment
pacopaco Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 I had the same thing happen to me. My ex always has had a problem with the word "boyfriend." having been together 7 years, and lived together, i thought this was very immature, and i thought i was a "partner" more than a "boyfriend." it's very shady, ineed, and probably an insecurity he has of being "attached." Link to comment
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