He has been very distant with me. :-(

[never-too-late]

Hello all,

 

my boyfriend and I have had quite a few fights months ago until he stood his ground and said enough to my emotionalism and me being upset with him. He said that he felt that our relationship was all about me and my needs and he said he was fed up. He said that no matter how much he tried, I did not appreicate him. Anyway, we nearly broke up but he said he is still with me but since then he has not been the same. He has been very distant with me. He said it hurt him how I treated him, I always told him that it's over even though I did not mean it. He said that he needed to see that we can be fine but he said he was not sure he can be completely fine with me again. So now he is distant, he still talks to me and he will occasionaly call me but he has been spending a lot of time with his friends lately and I feel that he is neglecting me. I have been trying really hard to make some improvements on myself but I cannot help feeling that he is giving me a cold shoulder and he is not showing that much interest in me like he used. He used to be so much more attentive and so much more loving? Now he is silent, whenever I ask him how he is, he is always spending time with his friends or he is tired. His emotional distance is hurting me. I saw him 2 weekends ago and we did have a nice time with no arguments but since I left his place, he has not been really that much in contact with me?

 

What should I do? Do you have any suggestions please? Maybe I have been acting a little desparate these days and I feel he is sensing it. I am just really confused and lost and not sure what to do now? I love him and I don't want loose him but I feel like he has stopped giving me any signs that he wants to have our relationship back like we used to have?

[Beyondthesea]

Hi!

 

How long of a relationship have you had? How have you been proving to him that you've changed and that your relationship is going to be different than it was?

 

If things were truly as bad as you say, it makes sense that he has pulled away so much and was fed up with how things were going in the relationship.

 

Personally, I would phone him up, ask to talk and tell him you're making positive changes in your life (have proof) and that you are working on your issues, but you need to know if the relationship is still going or not.

 

Are you going to counseling? It sounds like there are some underlying issues there. If you were fighting over nothing, and it was you starting the fights, he's waiting to see changes so he can trust you again.

[sumguy]

How much is 'not much in contact?'

 

Based on what I've grasped so far I think you should talk to him about how you're feeling, maybe he doesn't even realise he's hurting you, or maybe there isn't much future there at all. =/

 

Try doing something randomly nice for him based on his 'needs' or his 'interests', show him you still care and all that jazz to try and get his attention back on you, maybe he still feels neglected?

[Aurian]

Do you think he was right when he said you were too needy? Do you think you had a right to be upset about whatever made you fight? I think you should ask yourself those things too. My ex-husband called me needy and emotional all the time, but he was wrong. He would call me selfish and emotional if I got upset at him for standing me up for a "date".... twice in a row!

[Momene]

Well I don´t mind girls being needy, as long as it´s not obsessive because I´m needy to. As my wife also is, that bit of our relationship works well but the needy/independent balance in a relationship is a very delicate one and you must be on the same level as each other.

[biddo]

oh no dont u know u dont know what u got till its gone... they paved paradise and put in a parking lot.

[Momene]

Sorry but keep "dumping" people after a row isn't a very good way of going about things and, yes, I've been fed up with it and decided not to bother in past relationships.