Getting ex-gf back

[GuyMyer]

A very interesting situation came about for me last night.. I've been single for a month, me and my ex have seen and talked very little. She was dating this one guy which she had hoped for a romantic evening with last nite. He completely blew her off, and she called me, asked me over. And was surprisingly very affectionate and we ended up in bed. This guy never called her, and is going away for a week. She is already telling everyone egh, its done before it started. I believe in fate, and to have that happen, and him to go away for a week, leaves her open for me, if I wanted to get her back. I think I do just cause I feel I can make it work knowing what went wrong and how to handle things now.

Anyone have any ideas how I should go about doing this, if at all.. remember, I only have a week starting today.

[Meow18]

Honestly, I think she is using you. She's dating a new guy. Whether he's a jerk who blows her off or not, she's still choosing to date him.

 

She called you because he blew her off. Chances are, if this guy didn't blow her off, she would have been very affectionate towards him and would have ended up in bed with him too.

 

She's just using you on the side. Whenever she needs someone there, that's when she calls you. If she really wanted to be with you, she wouldn't be dating this new guy.

[Angstyboi]

This can go both ways. She can be using you, sure. Or she can be using him. There is a little thing called infatuation. It hasn't been long since you guys broke up and thereforeeee she became infatuated and went out with him. Was it her really liking him? She may think so, but no. I had the same thing happen to me. My girlfriend broke up with me, became infatuated, went out with a kid for 2 weeks or something like that and they ended. She came to see me and she wanted to have sex with me but I refused(she was vunerable and I knew it). Now she has her head straight, she doesn't even consider that last kid her ex or even a past boyfriend at all. She's affectionate towards me now that we've given it time. You just need to give it time, her infatuation and her being vunerable would die down and then maybe just maybe the real affection will come in if you give it time.

[GuyMyer]

yeah. i thought about the using me part.. thats y im up in the air about this.. i do know the infactuation is true though.. the guy never * * * *in gave up and she finally gave in. she complained to him to me first 2 weeks we were apart.... I don't really know what to do about it all..

[Meow18]

It's obviously causing you a lot of stress. And it's just getting your hopes up that something might happen between you both again.

 

She doesn't know what she wants. Maybe she wants something with you. But she doesn't want it enough to stop dating other guys.

 

I think you need to put a stop to it. Try no contact for awhile. You might find that it will really help.

[GuyMyer]

really help how?

 

i also forgot to mention something.. we did no contact and she reinitiated last week. asked me to help her bring her car to shop, even though she had someone else already comin to help, she asked him not to come. and we hung out the rest of day until she went to work. and she called me the other night jealous that i was out on a date that night.

and she also mentioned last night that she wants to spend my birthday with me. i had mentioned it to her when we started talkin again that she is a good friend and i'd be cool if the person i had my first drink with i had my first legal drink with.. 21 in 2 weeks. last night was like. I'm deff coming and we can spend the night together.

This is whats making it hard, I understand she could be using me. but this could also be in an odd way her coming back.

[Angstyboi]

Hey listen Guy, it could be definitely true that she is coming back to you. Like I said, what she is doing is what my ex did as well. Just do not do anything rash, and hope for the best. No communication can help on many levels but it is extremely hard. Of course doing other things while still in communication can easily be better then no communication but you guys really need to talk about what could happen, IE you pressing no communication, you guys not even being able to talk, etc. Just be careful and think about what you do.

[GuyMyer]

I'm not even sure what to do at all... I know I have limited time here to get her eye back on me..

[Angstyboi]

No such thing as "limited time" unless one of you is moving or something. Just relax, talk, and show her your better side again, the side of you that made her love you. Talk to her, smile, laugh, hug, just don't do anything drastic.

[DaDancingPsych]

I see you in a place for a lot of potential hurt. She's given you a lot of hope, but really hasn't made a decision. If she cared about you, she'd be with you. I would suggest backing off and letting her make her decision. Why should you be used while she's bouncing between two guys?

[BetterKarma]

Sounds to me she is having her cake and eating it too. She wants to date the other guy but she also wants to know that you're available to her just in case things don't work out. Very selfish but it happens all the time.

 

Let's see, i'm sure you're going to ask for proof, she breaks NC by calling you to fix her car even though she had someone else coming. Sounds like she was really looking for any excuse to contact you to suck you right back into her life. Then she's making demands on your time even though she's not your girlfriend because she wants to make sure you're still in love with her. And finally, after she gets stood up by the new guy, her ego is completely deflated and needed a pick me up. So she calls you and you come running over like a love sick puppy to tell her how great she is and stroke her ego.

 

I agree with the other posters. Continue NC. This girl is using you and if she really wanted to get back together she would not be setting up dates with the new guy. And you want her back because she wants to be with you, not because you're her last resort. Let her go and see how life is without you.

 

Don't play second fiddle to anyone. You deserve better. Let go, do NC and move on with your life. If she comes back then she needs to come back without the new guy in her life.

[Angstyboi]

Now as BetterKarma said, she probably using you but it isn't intentional. It's more of a confusion. This new guy needs to vanish, and then you can allow her back in your life. My ex had a boyfriend for a little while, but she got rid of him and stays rid of him. She may like someone else but she recognizes them as infatuations and goes to the one she feels safest with(me). That's exactly what your ex needs to do in order to get her back. She needs to ignore who she "likes" if she wants to get a chance with you. I suggest telling her "this new guy needs to go, or I have to break off communication" or something to that extent.

[GuyMyer]

Yeah.. thanks a lot guys.. I see what I need to do now.. From my end I'm not gonna call, not gonna innitiate conversation or anything. Go out, have my own fun and if she calls.. answer and be the nice guy. But continue on until she really makes a step forward.

[BetterKarma]

Until you hear the words "GuyMyer...I miss you...I love you...please take me back" I wouldn't even answer her calls or texts. Let her go.

 

Oh and one more thing....STOP BEING SO AVAILABLE!! or you'll get sucked right back in!!

[007]

Yup, listen to BetterKarma...she's really a genius...no doubt!

 

-007

[bobo85]

dude don't be her fall back guy.

[Angstyboi]

As I said originally, the new guy could have just been an infatuation. I wouldn't say you're a "fall back guy". The real issue is her knowing, you need to let her know everything that's going on.

[BetterKarma]

The new guy could be an infatuation but can also be the real thing. I know when I went through something similar, my new guy was not an infatuation and turned out to be the real thing.

 

He is the "fall back guy", "back-up plan", what ever you want to call it because of her actions. She made a date with another guy and when he didn't show up, she called him up to comfort her. Sounds like a backup plan or second choice to me.

 

At least when I was going through this, I left my ex alone. I was tempted to call him up sometimes only because I knew he would be there in a heart beat hoping for a second chance but I had more respect for him than to string him along for my own vanity.

 

And she will never know what she is missing if he keeps hanging around and being available to her beck and call. She is stringing him along until she finds another guy.

 

Let her go. It serves two purposes:

 

1-It lets her know what life is really like without your support/love/affection/attention and if she doesn't like being without it, she might come around again. However, she might end up liking her independence and then sticking with her decision.

 

AND 2- most importantly, it lets you heal. You can't heal if you keep talking/sleeping/kissing/hanging out with her because it gives you the false impression of a relationship and also gives you false hope. You need to remove yourself from her so you can see what else is out there and explore your other options the way she is exploring hers. And when you do that, IF and I stress IF, she comes back you can make a better decision of whether or not you want to take her back. It's a two way street, just because she doesn't want to come back doesn't mean you want her back and vice versa.