frustrating situation- any advice?

[itseuphoric]

aight..so here's the situation. my sister who is a year older than me has a boyfriend. they've been dating for about 2 and a half years now. everything started out fine, he seemed to be a great guy and all of my family loved him. but recently, things have changed...

 

all of us think he is a jerk to her now. he treats her like crap constantly, and she just sits there and takes it. no matter what happens, she just sits there and does nothing about it. sure, sometimes she'll argue with him about things...but as long as he says "i'm sorry" she shuts up and lets him make the same mistakes over and over again. just recently they had planned to go somewhere together after he got off work. she waited around for him and got all dressed up, and then he calls her after work to tell her that he decided to go somewhere with his friend instead (after HE called HER to do something). she was upset and told him they'd already made plans...so he said he'd call when he knew what he was going to do. hours later, he never called. never even showed up.

 

he does this constantly. she got all upset and cried for hours about it..and i just had to sit there and watch. supposedly he called her later that night and appologized and said he'd never do it again and she forgave him (for about the millionth time). he said it wouldn't happen again. the next day he did the same exact thing and ditched her to go somewhere with a friend of his. and then later, he just calls her up and gives her the same bs about him being sorry.

 

and if it's not that he's ditching her like this...he is being totally rude. just the other day he was saying something that offended her so she told him not to say that...and he made this big deal about her being way too sensitive and was a jerk about it. all she said was for him not to say that cuz she felt it was rude and all he'll say is "okay, drama queen!". every time they fight, that's all he says...he calls her a drama queen. even though she doesn't make that big a deal out of anything like he does. lately, i've just sat there and watched all this go down and bit my tongue...but last night, that changed.

 

we were all hanging out at my place cuz of the holiday...and it was getting kinda late, we were all just sorta winding down. my sister decided that she wanted to play this video game that she's totally addicted to, and i usually sit there and watch her. so she told her guy that she was gunna go play and asked him to come watch her...and he just said no, that he didn't want to, and that it would be too boring. then he told her how gay it was that she was even interested in this game and just totally sat there calling her interests sucky basically when she will sit there and support any interest of his. and i called him on it...i told him that there have been plenty of times where she hasn't wanted to watch him do one of his hobbies, and that it wouldn't be that hard for him to sit there and watch. but that would have been too simple for him. he just got all mad and started arguing with me about how he just didnt "want to" or didn't "feel like" watching her play.

 

i wont give the boring details, but he was being a jerk and she wasn't doing anything about it. so i stood up for her. so all he did was went into the other room, and she followed him. he apparently started complaining about me and how rude i am to him (keep in mind, this is the first time i've ever said anything to him abotu this). then he left and she walked him out. then she came back in to tell me how uncalled for that was. i told her that i wasn't going to sit there and let him be rude to her and have her not do anything about it. then her and i got into a big fight about it. it was all a disaster.

 

i know i probably shouldn't have interfered...but i can not just sit there and do nothing!! i need help....what should i have done in that situation and what should i do about the future? i think she needs to get out of the relationship...but how can i tell her that?

[shorty20]

well, this is a tough situation. Your sister seems to just be making excuse after excuse for this guy, but unfourtantly I don't think you can do anything about it. This is her business and her love life. If she comes to ask you for advice, then you can spill and tell her what you really think. Until then you're just going to have to bite your toung. I've had plenty of bf's that my family hates... it just made me all the more into the guy for some reason. And my sister has been with plenty of guys I hate... despite what we tell her, she dosen't care because pretty much you do what you want especially when it comes to stuff like that. If I were you I would just try to ignore the guy whenever you have to be around him. If she comes crying to you because of something he said or did just be like "i'm staying out of it. I tried to stick up for you once and you got mad, so this is your deal"

[itseuphoric]

thank you. it's not necessarily what i want to hear lol, its tough to sit on the side and watch, but its good advice.

[RelaxByWater84]

I know its tough to be on sidelines. My brother didn't have that great of taste in girls until he met his wife. And one of his girl-friends was using him big time. And I hated her for it. Even though my brother is older I feel protective of him. Probby cuz he is my only sibling. Sometimes you have to let your siblings make their mistakes. I know its hard and you want to hurt the person that is hurting your sibling. Hopefully your sister will come through this ok. You can PM me if you need anything.

[fishrrshortae]

Shorty is right on this one ..

Unfortunately, until your sister is ready to move on, nothing you say will affect her love life.. It is better to just be there for her when he treats her like crap. Hopefully she will get sick of it soon and will make the decision to stand up for herself..

 

This sounds kind of silly, but one of my friends had the same problem with her best friend and her bf's man (he was a total jerk..) My friend Cori began making a log, writing down all the times her bf's boyfriend treated her bad and what he did and all that.. then one day after the latest incident, Cori just handed it over to her. It was like, 10 pages and that only covered a month of their relationship! Cori had written EVERYTHING down.. every mean thing Evan (the bf) did to her friend, every nasty thing he said to her.. I think it had an impact because shortly after that, Cori's best friend Katie dumped her Evan.. thankfully so, because his behavior was becoming physically abusive..