The anxiety and pain is overwhelming

[dmvcc1]

I dont know what to do all. I miss my ex so much...I talked to her last night, we were supposed to see each other but now we will see each other this week. I told her I didnt know if it was a good idea to see each other at all because I think that I am seeing her for the wrong reasons...she said what and I said I see her with the hope that her feelings have changed and she wants to be with me...but how do I show her how much I care...I have told her that eve though I am 27, i have never had to deal with something like this...not talking to her ever again would be the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life...what she does not know is that she is and was my first true love...she also does not know that she took my virginity...she thinks that I was with girls before her but I had not had sex with any of them...this was 7 years ago when we first me...then when we broke up the first time, I went out with many girls...but when i said that ti would be the hardest thing in the world not to talk to her, she said, "Are you kidding me?" I thought she was joking but she wasnt...i said to her that she obviously did not get where I was coming from and obviously did not have any idea how important she was and how much I love her...the roller coaster is too much...she told me she couldnt go out tonight because she has plans...even though I dont know what she is doing, i told her that I didnt want to know stuff like that, it bothers me because I am jealous and she is making time for other people but not me...maybe she is going out with a new guy...that is what I am going to think regardless of what she tells me...sorry for rambling on...any suggestions. I just miss her more than anything. I am very lonely and sad.

DM

[charmed]

Hi DM.

 

I understand what you are going through right now - I've been there - the anxiety, the worry, the mind racing through situations over and over - the panic attacks....It's very very upsetting and un nerving.

 

I will firstly tell you what I see in the situation. You are your girl were together for 7 years - that is a lot of time - and she is now leaving your life. THat is surely to be a shock to the system. She is not pushing you away because she dislikes you - but because you have pretty much told her that you are clinging on - and are hoping that it will work again. She has decided that it is not - and to give you false hope would be very cruel by her. She has to do it - because she sees you as too weak to be able to continue contact of sorts - which you have already told her is actually the case.

 

The relationship is ended - and that is very sad - but life does go on. You are presently focusing on the negative things about this breakup - but of course there is always light at the end of the tunnel. You need to make a decision that this is not going to get you down like this, and that you are going to get in control of your life and move on. It demands strength and will, and you and the rest of us have these skills.

 

THe longer you hang around clinging on, the more miserable you will get. Time will heal the pain, and in the meantime, concentrate on yourself, get active and persue your interests and hobbies. Use the time well before you end up with another partner and cannot take advantage of the many liberties that single life gives us !!! We seem to forget about these liberties when we break up with people !!

 

Be strong, and think about yourself - you will be fine - just be strong, and move on.

 

Good luck - and I hope this helps you see the situation more clearly

 

~Charmed~

[crookster_man]

You are in a natural place. When you lose someone you love it hurts, plain and simple. Now is a time to focus on yourself, rediscovering who you are. Take this experience and learn from it. What lessons can you learn from this? Here is a motto to live by actually here's 2 that I really love.

 

"Nothing in life is a failure if you can learn something from it. They are not failures, but steps to achieving something else."

"Life is %10 what happens to you and %90 how you react"

 

I know these lines are rather cliché to you right now, but do try to see the strength and wisdom in them. The only way you can grow is to A. reflect upon your experiences and to B. focus on developing yourself.

 

So I suggest you start working out and running, join a new club, hang out with friends more. Start new hobbies, write, and read, anything to help you grow. You will find great strengths in this. Once you realise that you can still grow and develop without the other person, you will see that this is not the end of the world. I know right now everything seems bleak and empty. Know that you are not alone and that you are allowed to be upset and take all the time you need to heal. She was a big part of your life and will always be part of it in her influence and in the experiences you have shared. Cherish them, never regret them.

 

Please keep us posted.

[sabena]

I agree totally with charmed and wanted to add that when you think of how long you two had been together (7 years) you can't expect to recover in a matter of weeks. You need to take this hour by hour, you need to have friends and family around you, people who don't mind that you are at their house for hours each day and every day for a little while.

 

You need to start to plan your life and look upon this as a learning experience. When you think of your ex I am sure that you would want the best for her, and if this makes her happy, then somehow you have to accept that and then maybe in the not to distant future you will feel happy that even at the end you gave her what would make her happy.

 

You will have good and bad days, somedays you will just want to curl up in bed and others you will feel glad that you shared a part of your life with someone like her.

 

You will always probably love your ex, but in time, and please don't be angry that we are saying this, but in time it will and does get easier.

 

*take of you*