I Just Want To Tell Her "Go Away"

[diejoeboo]

...far, far away. The question is...just how do I go about doing so? Two years ago, we hung out a lot. Almost daily, sometimes nightly. I really liked her, but she was all about playing games. Maybe she wasn't sure about herself. I got tired of it so I told her never to talk to me again. After much of her playing dumb and saying "Why? What did I ever do?", she finally got the picture. We didn't talk for more than a year. When we saw each other in public (which was pretty often due to mutual circumstances) we just (or at least I) pretended that we were strangers. During that year, she tried a few times to contact me via email, text message, and calling...but I never responded.

 

I saw her in public a month ago, and she took it upon herself to try and make amends. After a little reluctance, I shook her hand and said "All is forgiven". So she said "Let's have dinner sometime, I'll call you." I didn't say 'yes' or 'no', I just told her I had to go. A week later she calls and asks to have dinner and a drink. So we arranged it and that night most of what she said was 'sorry for the whole mess', 'I was stupid' blah blah and telling me that she always thought about me during our silence. And that whenever she saw me on campus, she wanted to badly to talk to me but she feared rejection. I took it with a grain of salt knowing how she is. She's not dishonest, she's just wishy-washy at times. So when the night was over, she said "We'll hang out again soon." So less than a week later (last night) she calls me and strangely she called me when I was driving by her neighborhood (I live 35 miles from her, but I was in her town for other reasons). She asks if I'm free, so I told her I've got plans with my friends to go to our regular lounge for drinks. All my friends were going to bring their girlfriends, so it'd be less awkward for me, I told her she could tag along. We had a good time last night. One strange thing is that last night she kept telling me how 'nice' she thinks I am. That made me feel a little uncomfortable.

 

I thought all my feelings for her were gone, but I am realizing that I just pushed them deep down inside. Now after two great evenings with her, those feelings are slowing beginning to resurface. I know we can never be together. I really really like her and we have great chemistry, but I (perhaps assume) know that she is not interested in me as a boyfriend and I can't be 'just friends' with her. As I write this, I have this urge to call her, but I won't cave in. I want to go back to the way I was when I was ignoring her. I feel so stupid for letting her back in.

 

She wants to hang out next weekend, so I am going to take this opportunity to tell her that I think it's best that we not hang out due to a fear of history repeating. The thing is, I'm horrible at these kinds of things so I ask you for some advice how to go about telling her that I don't want to see her anymore. I just want to prevent the drama because I know for a fact that if I stick around, it'll happen again. I'm so tired of it.

 

We're both 27-year-old college graduates looking to start our lives, and this isn't the way. I'm looking for the one I'm going to settle down with, not play games with. Maybe she changed, but I'll never know.

 

Thanks for your time.

[Rabican]

How about you say:

 

Hey, I had a good time hanging out with you, but I need to tell you something. I dont think it is going to work out between us, and I realized I still have feelings for you, its going to be a mess if we hang out, so I think its best that we dont. Just be honest. Tell her you have enough feelings for her that just being her friend isnt going to cut it, but you dont think a relationship is in the cards.

[Lansing]

If you actually want a shot at "dating" her then try to "date" her.. Try giving her a kiss if the chemistry is right, try some light physical contact (hand on her back when going through a door, touch her hair, something small like that)...

 

I wouldn't get into a whole "speech"...