I hate his interest in other women...

[waited2long]

If someone really loves you, I think that they would not even notice anyone else, really. I know that all men become sexless to me when I have a lover that I am really into and trust. I want the same.

I don't even notice anyone else when I'm in a relationship (well, at least in this relationship). The fact that I expect the same may be the cause of the problem.

 

Eh, with respect, I do not think this is realistic at all. People can love and be in love and be committed and still be sexually attracted to other people. In fact, I would say that this is normal for people to be sexually attracted to other people. For me, the issue is consideration for the feelings of the loved one.

To be honest, if he is going to be sexually attracted to other people, it wouldn't make huge difference if he restrains himself when he is with me. Well, if he stops the conversation with me to check out the girl, that's just plain rude (to anyone, not just your gf), … but if he forces himself not to look while he's with me only to enjoy it when he's alone – I wouldn't like that either.

 

What bothers me is his attraction to other women…

 

But it seems that this is something that no one can change, so I suppose I will have to LEARN to live with that.

 

Still can't believe that there are not more people like me...

I must be a freak of nature...

[waited2long]

b4 I forget…

 

Thanks so much to everyone who replied

[Caterina]

I've had a lot of people tell me this, and I do think that its a common opinion for a number of good reasons. However, I'm not looking for a common love, and that might be what it is. I want a very powerful, intimate, trusting love relationship and the average person is content with something else. I don't think that there is something wrong with this, although admittedly a part of me feels as though its a form of settlement...which ultimately in any relationship - settlements have to take place. I think that your opinion is a decent one that I do not judge, but I can't agree with it on a personal level. I think that there are guys out there who fit into this ideal, just as I fit into this ideal. There are many things about me that aren't ideal, and I would have to accept that about them also...but this ideal in particular I don't. You might be right, however, in that people can probably still love someone and yet be sexually attracted to someone else. Its just a different sort of love then what I personally am looking for. So perhaps I am adding a personal element that should just be kept to myself since it doesn't apply to a general populace.

[HardShowingAffection]

I guess, my questions for you would be:

 

- do you get some sort of pleasure from looking?

- do you compare your gf with other girls?

 

No, I don't get pleasure from looking. I mean, it is not a painful experience by any means, but it is just something that catches my eye, and that is the end of it. I don't sit there and gawk, or the image doesn't run through my mind. Even if the girl was totally beautiful, there is nothing wrong with acknowledging that. As long as you don't take it too far, and are not disrespectful in the process. Are you supposed to walk around with blinders on?

 

I never compared my ex with anyone else. I loved my ex for who she was, and that is exactly why I loved her. She wasn't perfect, but neither am I... I just felt we were perfect for one another, and that was all that mattered. I think it has part to do with being secure with yourself, and I admit, that I have even had those issues.

 

You have to be comfortable with yourself, love yourself... if you start taking those insecurities out on your partner, you are doing more damage than good. And why would you want to hurt the one that you love? It is silly. This is something that I have had to realize, and am still working on. If you really sit back and look at yourself, and your actions, and the effects that they have, it may amaze you. Love yourself, be happy with yourself, and then you will be able to love another whole heartedly.

[birdgirl]

I have the same problem, I'm sooo insecure.

 

I recently caught my boyfriend pointing out a "hot" girl to his brother. He's not disrespectful to me, it was kind of accidental.

 

It was bothering the heck out of me, but then I started comparing attractive women to a flower or a sunset or a really cool car. We humans like to look at appealing objects. That's why we posess the ability to find something appealing in the first place. I'm trying to see him pointing out a "hot" girl as nothing different than him pointing out a Ferrari driving by, or a cool rare dog. I mean, my boyfriend will even point out a sunset to me. Why shouldn't a pretty woman attract his attention? I certainly look at pretty woman.

 

It's not easy, but I'm trying!

[engagedkitty]

... when he's checking them out in the street, when he's looking at them on TV, when he's looking at porn… Every time he is in a situation to look at attractive female and I can see 'that look' in his eyes… Not that he's drooling over them or anything, he's just enjoying himself and I absolutely hate it.

 

As I'm getting older, this feeling is getting worse and worse.

 

He's not blatantly obvious (except in a few situations), but I just hate the look in his eyes when he's looking at attractive woman. It hurts so much. Especially if she's looking better than I do. I feel I'm loosing something, like I'm loosing part of him every time he checks out other girl.

 

Is it normal to feel this way?

Any ideas what I can do?

 

OH MY GOD, I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL.

 

My fiancee claims he doesn't do it, but sometimes if some attractive girls walk by I can see him look (though he thinks he's doing it casually.) And my ex would do it blatantly. It hurts like hell. I don't know what to tell you, cause it seems like that's the way men are. THey may not act upon it but they certainly do look.

[engagedkitty]

Heh, no, you're not! I feel EXACTLY like you do. EXACTLY. I understand what you mean COMPLETELY. COMPLETEEEEEELY.