l0stNc0nfuzzLed Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 these past few days i've been devastated. crying all day, thinking about my ex. it's only been 4 days since he broke up with me, and today i'm much better than the past few days, but sometimes i'd get back into depression mode and start crying again. i'm a little delirious and tired right now, though. but could it be possible that i'm not letting myself heal? i torture myself by listening to depressing music, check to see if he's online, wondering if he's with someone else, looking at his pictures. sometimes i think i do it to make myself cry. but why? do i want to be miserable? sometimes when i'm fine, i try to make myself cry. i'll look at his pictures and try to make myself cry. what the hell is wrong with me? but right now it's the end of the day, and usually i'm all cried out and tired. could that be it? Link to comment
friscodj Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 No, you're hurting because you are letting yourself heal. You actually need to suffer, analyze everything, beat yourself up over this, try to find answers, cry, and anything else you need to do. You want to get this out. You know why? Because some people fight these feelings, repress them or pretend they aren't there. This leads to having baggage because in the future, these things will resurface. So get it out now, heal completely and then it will be done with and you'll be better emotionally for your next relationship with a better guy who will be a better for for you... I think you are tired and that is part of it. Also, I would strongly suggest you not know about his life. Force yourself to stay away from that because it can lead to getting reattached to him from a distance and might keep you in no-man's land of not really healing but not really being with him. So keep hurting, keep the wheels turning, keep moving forward... Link to comment
l0stNc0nfuzzLed Posted June 23, 2006 Author Share Posted June 23, 2006 well i hope you're right. but it's hard not to wonder if he's with someone else. it would honestly kill me to know he's with someone else already, yet i still want to know. i don't want to see that he's happy without me. i want him to feel hurt, to know how i feel. i hope he realizes he made a mistake and that he's suffering like i am. Link to comment
nicorette Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 dont worry! youre doing great. i agree with friscodj. youre on the right track. i PROMISE things will get better. just try to stay away from looking at his stuff if it only makes you sad. try to go out wtih friends, i know when i was on a break wiht my boyfriend that cheered me up. i hope you feel better Link to comment
friscodj Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 I bet he is suffering too. But you must refrain from knowing about him. As you said, it would crush you. I did that after my last break up. Only I saw her profile on an Internet dating site and I nearly had a heart attack, I swear. It felt like I got hit by a truck. Please don't get hit by the truck that hit me! Link to comment
l0stNc0nfuzzLed Posted June 23, 2006 Author Share Posted June 23, 2006 well honestly, i feel he probably isn't hurting from the way he broke up with me. he ignored me for 4 days and i had to pretty much hunt him down to find out what the hell is going on. he told me reasons whether they really were or not why he wants to end it. he even said he wasn't sure if he was ever going to contact me or not if i didn't go look for him. and after the talk, he expectd me to give him some sex. and he acted like everything is okay. like i said, i like to believe alot of things. i like to believe that the way he acted was just a mask and he really feels guilty and he's hurting and he also wishes to patch things up. Link to comment
nicorette Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 if hes at all a good person and has a good heart, hes missing you. people have different ways of showing things. maybe he realizes that although things wont work out, he misses you, but doesnt want to prolong this so he shuts you out. im not sure why. but it doesnt matter about him anymore, YOU come first. Link to comment
friscodj Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 He has an ego to protect and he isn't going to show you the pain, but it is there. But realize just because you hurt so much right now doesn't make him right for you. He's not right for you from what you've written. Keep telling yourself that... Link to comment
l0stNc0nfuzzLed Posted June 23, 2006 Author Share Posted June 23, 2006 my friends tell me that, and i try to be mad at him, but i try to justify everything he did. he really made me happy despite the stuff that he did. i love being with him. i love spending time with him, especially in the beginning. he would do all these things that made me smile. i can't help but think back on those things. i want nothing more but to just be in his arms. Link to comment
friscodj Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 my friends tell me that, and i try to be mad at him, but i try to justify everything he did. he really made me happy despite the stuff that he did. i love being with him. i love spending time with him, especially in the beginning. he would do all these things that made me smile. i can't help but think back on those things. i want nothing more but to just be in his arms. I know how you feel. And it Sucks (notice capital "S"). The only thing you can do is sit with this, suffer with it, and wait until it goes away. Sorry I don't have anything more profound to tell you but you just have to get tough with yourself and ride out the storm... The upside is that after you get over this (and you will), you'll be stronger, wiser, be able to have better relationships in the future, and all that other canned BS people serve up to make you feel better... Link to comment
l0stNc0nfuzzLed Posted June 23, 2006 Author Share Posted June 23, 2006 i guess. but i dont learn. this is the third time he's broke up with me but this time, it's for good. and if right now he wanted to take me back, i'd run back into his arms in a second. i know it. and it's like, i don't want other men. i just want him. because he makes me happy. Link to comment
friscodj Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 i guess. but i dont learn. this is the third time he's broke up with me but this time, it's for good. and if right now he wanted to take me back, i'd run back into his arms in a second. i know it. and it's like, i don't want other men. i just want him. because he makes me happy. Well, I have 3 thoughts: 1) You have to suffer through things like this to really learn them. You can't learn from reading books on this stuff or even listening to other people (especially Internet strangers... ) I'm telling you, you may not realize it now, but sometime down the road, this experience will benefit you in some way... 2) You'd run back to him in a second but you realize that isn't good. That's the first step. People who don't follow through on this are the ones who end up abused, taken advantage of, taken for granted, kicked around, and used. Don't be that woman, please...because this is how that situation starts...you're at that crossroad right now...do the right thing...please... 3) Now is a good time to forget about relationships in general, not just him. That has really helped me in the past. Let go of the whole notion and routine of relationships and get comfortable with yourself and your friends... Link to comment
l0stNc0nfuzzLed Posted June 23, 2006 Author Share Posted June 23, 2006 i'm trying. i'm really trying. and funny you mention internet strangers because i met him off of myspace. and when i saw in his profile that he has no friends, that should have said something. Link to comment
friscodj Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 i'm trying. i'm really trying. and funny you mention internet strangers because i met him off of myspace. and when i saw in his profile that he has no friends, that should have said something. Really? No friends? Now you know why... Keep moving forward, slowly but surely, you'll get to where you need to go eventually. Think of it like being stuck in traffic. You're hot, sweaty, no good songs on the radio, forgot your iPod so you're screwed with the music, pissy, pissed off, edgy, people cutting you off, flipping you off, you're late, but eventually...you get to where you need to go and life goes back to normal... And next time...you take a different road... Link to comment
brando Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 Th epain comes with the territory, you will feel good one minute and come crashing down the next. All i can add is to feel your feelings..they won't kill you, even though you think they might. Also try not to think too much about the x. I tortured myslef with the tohoughts of who she is with, smiling, loving and all the other Crap that goes with it. The mind is a powerful tool do not use it ot cause more suffering then you already are going through. You can be going out and seeing others as well, you simply choose not to because their is something else going on inside of you. With growth comes pain, hence the term Growing Pains. Be gentle with yourself..be patient, and remember awareness and acceptance. be well, brando Link to comment
l0stNc0nfuzzLed Posted June 23, 2006 Author Share Posted June 23, 2006 Really? No friends? Now you know why... Keep moving forward, slowly but surely, you'll get to where you need to go eventually. Think of it like being stuck in traffic. You're hot, sweaty, no good songs on the radio, forgot your iPod so you're screwed with the music, pissy, pissed off, edgy, people cutting you off, flipping you off, you're late, but eventually...you get to where you need to go and life goes back to normal... And next time...you take a different road... well it's not that he had no friends per say because he does, but on myspace, he doesn't have anyone on his friends list. not even tom. he didn't even add his sister. i guess he didn't want the girls he was messaging, including me to know much about him except for whatever he was feeding me. Link to comment
l0stNc0nfuzzLed Posted June 23, 2006 Author Share Posted June 23, 2006 and also, back to the whole "am i not letting myself heal?" thing. i think i might have not explained it correctly in the initial post. it's like this. i realized i've been better these past 2 days. but the thing is, when i AM better, when i say to myself, and acknowledge that i'll be okay, i can get over him, and i know this, i try to make myself miserable. i'd say and realize "you know what? i'm alright." and in that instance, i'd think about him because i want to cry, and feel pain and want to wish that he would take me back. why? i dont understand. are you sure this is part of the healing process? Link to comment
friscodj Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 why? i dont understand. are you sure this is part of the healing process? I don't understand either. It took me 15 years of going through things like this to realize that it's not meant to be understood, it just is, and you're better off looking forward and not backwards... But everything you've written sure sounds to me like normal healing... Link to comment
l0stNc0nfuzzLed Posted June 23, 2006 Author Share Posted June 23, 2006 I don't understand either. It took me 15 years of going through things like this to realize that it's not meant to be understood, it just is, and you're better off looking forward and not backwards... But everything you've written sure sounds to me like normal healing... well i hope you're right that it's normal. and that maybe eventually i'd stop doing it. Link to comment
GottaLetItBurn Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 I do the samething that you do but guess what. I stopped doing that when she stopped calling me and knew I didn't could tell I wasn't calling her because I was making up excuses. Things were getting perfect, I wasn't thinking about her, and all those things you are doing to drive you crazy I stopped. Keep in mind this was 6- 7 months later. Now she has texted me, called me "friend", and is basically has been trying to keep in touch with me. All of a sudden I'm back to where you are, I'm basically missing her a lot now. The lesson I learned is that you just have to not contact him and ingore all contact from him. Crying is the best thing you can do, it's like throwing up when you have the flu. It's really the only way you can heal fast, othewise your going to suffer trying to hold it in. Just feel the pain, run things over in your head and take the possitive thoughts and work them into your head. You will see some possitive points in this break up but only in time. Keep you head up. Link to comment
l0stNc0nfuzzLed Posted June 25, 2006 Author Share Posted June 25, 2006 well none of us have kept contact since that day. hell, before he "broke up" with me, he ignored me for 4 days straight. i pretty much waited til he got out of work and went to his place. that was probably the only way to get him to talk. Link to comment
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