Long Distance Relationships

[Momene]

As a general observation on this board, these are more common in the USA as it's a much bigger place than England. Many of you here are in LDRs where you hardly ever see each other at all, whereas most LDRs in England, at least they see each other most weekends (only 8 hours drive from end to end).

 

My question is how can an LDR, especially a long-term one (let's now say LTLDR) survive when your basic needs of physical proximity aren't being met?

 

Also it seems many people get into LTLDRs when they've little experience of "normal" relationships where you can meet up during the week.

 

Could it be tempting to dump a long distance partner for someone more accessible?

[monkey1]

LDR are not for everyone. They take a lot of work to maintain, similiar if not more than a relationship in person.

 

I've been in a LTLDR for around 4 years. He was in the States for 3 years or so and just recently had to move back to England because his work visa had expired and his job wasn't paying him enough money to keep him here too.

 

Anyway, yes I've thought about just ditching this relationship because it is tiring at times to keep a relationship like this together. We've only been able to see each other 4 times during 2 years and the last 2 years have been difficult because I was still in school and had zero money and he's been trying to get some money saved and become more financial stable.

 

It's hard to find someone that you connect with so well. I mean how many people date lots of people but never feel like they've met their soulmate? Well, sometimes you meet that person who you see a future with who happens not to be living locally. So you decide to give it a shot. Personally I knew if I didn't try, then I'd always wonder and regret that I never tried. I don't regret trying even if we end up not together and our relationship falls apart. But we love each other a lot and do want to be together physically again, but it only works if both people want it enough. I will be doing everything possible to go out to visit him this year, though I've been having a bad year finding a job since I was let go from my job 2 months ago.

 

It's doable, but it's hard work. You just need to keep the commuincation open and do everything possible to make the other person feel loved and special even though you want to be together in person.

[Keizshie]

My question is how can an LDR, especially a long-term one (let's now say LTLDR) survive when your basic needs of physical proximity aren't being met?

 

Communication and trust is the most important factor in a LTLDR.

 

When you are inlove distance doesnt matter and having the person that u love matters than not having him/her at all.

[LLPotter]

I think it only works when both parties are having the same goal - to make the relationship work. Committment is important as this gives each other the comfort level to get things work & continue.

[QueenoftheMotN]

I've been an LTLDR for over a year. We're just now realizing that we won't be able to get married for 4 to 5 years.

 

I will be the first one to admit (before we met) that it wouldn't work for lack of physical closeness. But I also realized that in most cultures, especially those that practiced courting, that physical closeness was not really allowed either and the couple had to focus on communicating and just learning more about the other person-- experiencing emotional intimacy.

 

LDR's are definitely not for everybody, but my bf and I are commited and we trust each other and communicate, so I think we'll be able to make it despite the distance.

[Jeremy_Z]

I'll get "slogged off" for this but being from a different social class is the big one: it makes a relationship more difficult than distance, age gap or being from a different country

[sooky]

not 'slogging off' (is that a word?)...but...!

i wouldnt count social class as an issue, but perhaps it comes under the heading of 'life situation'. difference in situation, be it financial, social, age etc, must have an impact on a relationship and distance will tend to intensify that impact. does that make sense?

[Terry Jarlsberg]

not 'slogging off' (is that a word?)

 

No, it's a phrase.

[spunkmaster]

I don't know if what I have is a LDR per se, my BF is a truck driver, only home on the weekends, and not even every weekend at that. Add to that the fact that he is 7 years older than me( going back to the different social situation aspect), and that makes things difficult. When he decided to switch professions and become a driver, we sat down and had a long talk about us making our relationship work. I'm still in college, and he realized that I would probably want someone around more. (not to mention I like attention!) But I told him...he was what mattered most to me, and we've made it work so far.

 

As a side note, I think LDR have a better chance for success if A.) you get to see them every once in a while ( at least every couple of months). and B.) you have some time together in the beginning of the relationship.

 

Open communication is also very important.

[amtjrtcet]

My realtionship is about to turn into somewhat of a LDR. I'm moving back to my hometown 30 mins from my b/f. We're goin on 7 months. We both work two jobs and after I move will probably only see each other 2 days a wk. I hope we can make it work.

[sidehop]

My question is how can an LDR, especially a long-term one (let's now say LTLDR) survive when your basic needs of physical proximity aren't being met?

 

It's the hardest part of the long distance relationship BUT it's also not the most important for obvious reasons. Also the distance does allow that space to really miss each other's physical aspect while getting to know the person inside also. I admit, I miss hugging & cuddling my g/f more then anything. Kissing and sex is also great but at the same time I know when we meet again it'll only be better.

 

Could it be tempting to dump a long distance partner for someone more accessible?

 

That would depend on the person. People change yes. But if you have a trusting & committed relationship, the thought wouldn't cross your mind. It hasn't for me. And my friends & co-workers are trying to hook me up with another girl while I'm completely uninterested.