Just Because

[Gracelove]

I just finished seeing the movie "Dark Water".

 

I've been wanting to see it for a long time, but I was afraid to.

 

I don't like scary movies.

 

But I figured I'd take a chance and watch it today.

 

Maybe something dark and scary would take my mind off of the real fear I live with these days.

 

I really like the movie

 

I feel like I can relate to the main character. She reminds me of myself in so many ways.

 

It wasn't enough to take my mind off of my problems for a long time, but it did help me escape for a little while.

 

I guess the movie makes me feel better, because I can focus on the main character.

 

When you see someone on t.v. that reminds you so much of yourself it makes you feel better, because if someone could create that character, then someone can understand you.

It gives me hope.

 

And I love rain. It's comforting to me. Although I usually don't like movies with dark colors because I feel they are depressing...This one, I really like.

 

I didn't find it scary at all.

 

These days I'm afraid to leave my house, and afraid to go to sleep, and afraid of people.

 

I mean I was so nieve (spelling?). I know, maybe I couldn't prevent the rape, but.....I mean, I was drugged.

 

I know there will be moments when I let my guard down.

 

There are just so many slick people out there. So many people that take advantage of unknowing people.

 

And maybe I'm afraid of those people.

 

I feel more safe indoors.

 

I mean, how will I respond to negativity these days?

 

What if I become easily upset or snappy? What if my nervousness shows?

 

People like to take advantage of people they believe to be weak....and I feel weak.

 

I mean, just like the character in the movie, you look at your surroundings, you look at everything and it all looks very bleak....but you can't let it show.

You have to act like everything is okay. You have to assure those around you that everything is fine.

You can't let them down.

 

And you're just trying so hard to make things work, and you just accept things.

 

You accept them, you do your best to make things work.

 

And then what..........?

 

I don't want people thinking that I've lost it.

Maybe because I've lost my smile or because I'm obviously nervous.

 

What do I have to give? I'm trying my best.

 

But I don't think my best will ever be good enough.

[robowarrior]

What is needed in life is not fear, nothing can grow from that ,

 

Cast off your fear!

Look forward!

Go forward!

Never stand still.

Retreat and you will age.

Hesitate and you will die.

 

For do you want to live or do you want to win?

 

These words are not for one who wants to live, for living isn't enough you must shout that you want to win , for fear is a state of hell that imprisons you in a room even if that room has a door, if you are afraid to go forward you will technically have imprisoned yourself.