ex Friends ex girlfriend

[ekajio]

Well here goes, my bestfriend went on vacation with his girfriend and beat her, I had no idea he was capable of this. He always was a verbal dueschbag to her but that was it, anyway when she returned she looked to me for friendship, that resulted in us getting romantically involved for the past month. Now she is backing away and I'm not sure what I should do. Was I a rebound? I tried not to get involved but we spent soo much time together and we have everything in common. I really fell in love with her and she too, but she has been acting strange (distant) the last week. Obviously I dont speak to my old friend anymore and would like to give him a taste of his own medicine, but violence doesn't solve anything, not to mention I am twice his size and could snap him like a twig. She is having issues with closure with the whole situation. Do I just step away and let her sort it out? I want to be there for her but, dont want to push our relationship any faster than she wants, but she is going off on me like he used to do to her. I go from thinking she is totally in love with me to feeling like I make her sick..What am I suppose to do?

[nicorette]

i think you were a distraction from her abusive boyfriend. she has a lot of baggage, and unfortunately youre left to deal with it. of course you should help her try to get out of the relationship, but honestly i think she is confused and is unsure of what she wants. she NEEDS to get out of her abusive relationship if shes still in it, and with you, i think you guys both need space adn time to think about things. find out what she wnats.

[Gracelove]

Maybe she's distant because she isn't sure where your loyalty lies.

Does she know that you are no longer friends with her ex?

I think she's scared.

You mentioned that she has "gone off" on you? Don't allow yourself to be verbally abused.

You can love her and be there for her and, and not tolerate her verbal abuse.

Tell her that if she continues to speak to you in that manner then you'll have to leave, and when she is ready to treat you with the same respect in which you treat her, then you'll be ready to continue the conversation.

I guess I would say....be careful. Don't rush things.

She was verbally and physically abused. She probably feels embarrased or ashamed, which would explain her "distance".

She is vunerable, hurt, confused, and probably angry.

Maybe she doesn't know how to be in a healthy relationship, or what one even looks like.

If she acts a little strangely, don't take it personally, she is probably just trying to make sense of her life and discover how she ended up the way she did.

[Momene]

I'm afraid you could well have been a rebound. You ought to ask her to clarify where you stand. She owes you that.