How to be friends with your ex and still love them

[JanieMarie23]

I've been dating this guy for almost a year, everything was fine until he left for the summer to spend it with his dad accross the country. It was really hard saying goodbye. Half way through the summer he tells me that he just wants to be friends when he comes back home. He says that he needs to concentrate on school this year because he'll be a senior and it will be the most important year and he can't screw it up.

So I took it pretty hard, because he would have just as much time as he did last year this coming year. I just feel that his feelings for me were never really there. So now I'm his friend, but I talk to him just as I would if I was dating him still, but he hasn't come back yet and I wonder if things will be different between us I'm not sure if I should hug him or not or say anything like I missed you or anything of the such.

Can you have a friendship with someone after having a relationship with them. Because I still love him, but I don't think he loves me anymore.

Now that he isn't dating me he keeps picking out all these personality traits of mine that he doesn't like. It's like he doesn't care if he hurts my feelings now. I'm not sure if I should just tell him I can't be friends with him because it would be easier then the reminder that I still loves this person....I'm confused can you tell.... If anyone can help please do

[musicchicus]

Can you be friends with an ex? Well, some people can, some can't. Different personalities, depends who got hurt and how much. Each situation is different.

 

Sounds like YOU are not ready to be friends with him, which is not to say that you never will be, but just not now. Also, sounds like he isn't being much of a friend to you...and might even be going so far as to be a non-friend.

 

Maybe he said that because he wanted to break up, but didn't want to hurt you too much. But now that he is back and has to face the music, he is too immature to deal with it...

 

I'm guessing the best thing for BOTH of you is to take some time and space before you attempt this very difficult situation, if ever.

 

Good luck

[raggamuffin]

Being friends with an ex is very possible but also extreamly difficult if you still love them. It takes a lot of hard work and a lot of pain when you see them move on. Make sure that he wants the same sort of friendship as you do, set rules and expectations that you have of eachother so you know where you both stand, I know this sounds ridiculous but it stops petty arguments later on when things might get tough. Both parties have to make as much effort as eachother. Before you commit to a friendship think to yourself, what can this guy give me as a friend that other poeople cant, what can I give him etc.