so confused about this girl

[justwonderingkid]

just a little note: im in 10th grade, shes in 9th.. we see each other practically everyday excluding weekends sometimes

 

this girl i like randomly asked me why i liked her.. i guess she found out through friends and such.. so i told her and then i asked her if she liked me and she said she "really wasnt sure yet" what does this mean!?

[Tigris]

It means you've got potential as a bf.

 

Good luck

[Stinkweed]

ask her out and see what she says. She will either say yes or no, and that will be your definite answer. Try it out.... Good luck and best wishes.

[Tigris]

I agree, ask her out.

 

Good luck

[justwonderingkid]

she asked me that about 1.5 weeks ago.. should i ask this coming wednesday? or is that too soon?

[Dating Coach]

It's never too soon, but I will say that I don't think she is interested. One way to find out, ask her out.

[justwonderingkid]

can you like explain your reasoning behind what you say so at least i know? thanks

[Dating Coach]

just a little note: im in 10th grade, shes in 9th.. we see each other practically everyday excluding weekends sometimes

 

this girl i like randomly asked me why i liked her.. i guess she found out through friends and such.. so i told her and then i asked her if she liked me and she said she "really wasnt sure yet" what does this mean!?

 

It's never too soon, but I will say that I don't think she is interested. One way to find out, ask her out.

 

can you like explain your reasoning behind what you say so at least i know? thanks

 

There are a lot of reasons, but the primary one is simple common sense. People's ACTIONS speak louder than WORDS. That is the universal truth that is the key to uncoding what women are really thinking when it comes to relationships. You will learn that what women (or in your case girls) often say a crapload of stuff, but usually it's not what they are really thinking. For instance if a guy asks out a girl and she responds with, "You are too cute, but really I am not looking for a relationship with anyone right now. I don't have time for it." What she is really saying is that she is not interested in dating YOU. That's it. What she said was merely an excuse to let the guy down easy, but her actions were that she was not agreeing to date him when he asked her. Her answer is "No."

 

In your situation, this girl is your friend, you hang out, etc. That in itself is already a big blunder because first impressions are very important in attracting women-and what you did (and are still doing) is make the impression to her that you guys are "friends". You friendzoned yourself by not acting like a potential boyfriend from the start and instead acting like the nice and "safe" best bud.

 

Secondly, women are attracted to confident guys who believe in themselves, and see their own self worth. Do you think she sees that in you? Just look at what happened... she "found out" you liked her through mutual friends, not from you. You liked her but you didn't have the confidence to ask her out on your own. That information had to be "leaked" to her. Thus you demonstrated thus far that you are not confident and that you sneak in to get close to her under the disguise of friendship.

 

Finally, the final determining factor for my opinion is that when she found out you liked her, she didn't get excited, she didn't run to you or start making plans to "go out", instead, she asked you why you liked her. She also responded to your question of if she liked you with a "I don't know yet". Actions speak louder than words, and her actions-in my opinion-are saying that she enjoys having you as an admirer who will compliment her and do things for her, but she isn't pursuing a relationship with you even though she knows you want one. Don't you think that if she was really interested that she would make SOME kind of attempt to hook up if she already knew you wanted to? She's not doing that.

 

But, even though I see all of these negative signs, there is only one way to know for sure, and that is to ask her out. So you have a choice. You can continue to be that guy with lowly confidence who accepts hanging out with his crush rather than pursuing it, or you can be the guy who finally steps up and goes after what he really wants. Be the latter. Ask her out.

[justwonderingkid]

uhh well she found out for sure from friends but the friends that knew all said i was pretty darn obvious (i.e. i told like 4 people) and within a month about 50 knew.. and those 4 people didnt tell anyone, well it doesnt matter.

 

yesterday word leaked that i was asking her out today (wednesday) and she went up to her best friend and was like guess whos "asking me out tomorrow" ...from what people tell me that sounds good? and during lunch and after school she seemed perfectly normal and stuff around me and if she didnt like me/not want me to ask her out wouldnt she have acted a bit stranger around me? just wondering. thanks

[Dating Coach]

The only way to be "obvious" is to have the guts to ask a girl out directly. You should NEVER resort to trying to "hint" or to tell other people that you like a girl. The first person that should know you are interested in a girl is that girl when you ask her out.

 

Also, a key that will save you a lot of trouble in the future is to ask out a girl you are interested in within a couple days of you deciding that you are interested. If you remember that and stay true to this rule then it will save you no end of time and trouble.

[AlwaysNeedHelp]

Iam sorry but i dont agree at all.. I just agree that actions speaks louder than words.. I dont agree about the thing that they hang around together as friends.. Friendship is needed and it is never a death sign for a future realtionship.

 

He dont have to stop being friends with all girls so when he finds the right one he can dates her..

 

And about she didnt get excited when she heard that he likes her.. She dont have to get excited just after she hears that he likes her.. Maybe she dont know him that well. Even if she is interested in him she wont love him just because he said i like you..

 

These stuff takes time.. I say dont bring out that subject to her again and just be normal and nice to her.. Try to get to know her better and let her know you better.. Try coming closer to her step by step..

 

Also she is still yound and cant exactly know her feelings.. A girl wont say YES I LIKE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU just because a guy told her i like you even if she is interested except some girls who just like the dating game and not ture love..

 

so my last advice to you is to know her better. she now knows your feelings if she is getting closer to you also or she looks like she wants to know you better then good.. If she dont talk to you or doesnt appear to be interested at all leave her.. Good Luck

[AlwaysNeedHelp]

Something else, Dating now became a game and i really dont like this at all.. It suppose to be foundation of ture love but now it became a place for playing mind games and decieving.. I dont say that a person must be so naiive.. Some spicy stuff can be ok but mostly follow your heart.

and following your heart doesnt mean also you keep on going after her.. A heart without mind is useless.. Just dont take it as a game, if you really like her and you see that you both are compaitable things will be fine If God wills.

[Dating Coach]

I dont agree about the thing that they hang around together as friends.. Friendship is needed and it is never a death sign for a future realtionship.

 

How wrong you are. To say that friendship is needed in order to date someone is silly as heII. People date ALL OF THE TIME without even knowing the person as more than an aquaintance. I am not sure if that is what you meant but taking exactly what you said in context, you are as wrong as could be.

Secondly, to say that being best pals with a girl is never a death for a future relationship-you are wrong yet again. This is a HUGE dealbreaker for a ton of guys. We see it EVERY stinking day on these forums. But it's not just the fact that they are friends, it's all of the actions that lead to that point and continued on after friendship.

Girls respect guys who respect themselves. A guy who doesn't have enough confidence in himself to ask a girl out, but instead sneaks in to be close to her under the disguise of being "just friends" when he secretly wants more absolutely does NOT demonstrate self respect. A person with self respect wouldn't allow himself to be stuck in a situation around someone he cared about when she is talking about other guys, sex, etc. It would tear him up inside and a self respecting guy would know he doesn't deserve to be sitting there in turmoil. He deserves a chance to date her and wouldn't tolerate disrespecting himself by hiding his feelings in hopes that maybe she will do all of the work for him by eventually liking him.

So being the best pal of your crush is a big blunder. It doesn't always turn out bad but it does at least 9 out of 10 times. So to say trucking around as her emotional tampon male girlfriend never is the death of a future relationship is just silly. If you like I could easily dig up at least 10 such situations in no time for you where this was the death.

 

He dont have to stop being friends with all girls so when he finds the right one he can date her...

 

Who said that he had to stop being friends with a girl to date her? What was said is that if you sneak into getting close to a girl under the disguise of wanting to be "just friends" when you really want more, you are making a major blunder because that route reeks of self doubt, lack of confidence, and lack of self respect. That's a terrible way to try to start a relationship.

 

And about she didnt get excited when she heard that he likes her.. She dont have to get excited just after she hears that he likes her.. Maybe she dont know him that well. Even if she is interested in him she wont love him just because he said i like you...

 

This is just getting silly now. I stated this as ONE of my MANY reasons for my OPINION that the girl isn't that interested in him. You are singling out each of my points and trying to say that they aren't always 100% true. You're right, each one individually isn't 100% conclusive, but they are pretty conclusive. When you sum up all of these reasons together, and NONE of them are positive signs, then I feel it is safe IN MY OPINION to conclude that she is not interested.

I don't know if you have ever been around a group of girls where one finds out a guy that she has the hots for likes her, and her response is, "I have to think about it..." If such a girl has a thing for a guy and finds out, she is excited. Especially at the younger age, they get giddy. They don't say, "I don't know." The response of "I don't know" bought her time. If someone is interested in another person, it's pretty rare that they would need time to think about accepting taking a small step forward. Instead, if someone is buying time by giving you an excuse and not an answer, they usually are buying time to come up with a way to turn the person down. That happens the majority of the time in this situation. Yet another reason for my opinion.

 

These stuff takes time.. I say dont bring out that subject to her again and just be normal and nice to her.. Try to get to know her better and let her know you better.. Try coming closer to her step by step...

 

Yeah that work so far hasn't it? I guess you've never watched guys meet a girl and get her number pretty quickly have you? Have you ever seen a guy and girl meet one night and have sex or perform sexual acts within a few hours? I've seen it in a few minutes. So it doesn't have to take time. It could, but it doesn't have to.

It didn't take time when I met my fiance'. I walked right up to her, talked to her for a few minutes, then asked her to dance. We danced for a half hour or so and then I got her phone number. Later on I called her up and got straight to the point by asking her out on a date. All in all, it was very quick and took no time at all.

 

These things do NOT have to take time, and why should they? More often then not you'll be wasting time with a girl, so in order to respect your time and keep your options open, it is best to get to the point as soon as you can. If you like a girl, talk with her, flirt, have fun, and then ask for her number. You'll find that you get your answers pretty quick as opposed to waiting months and months sneaking in as her best pal only to find out months later that she was never interested to begin with. Yeesh! It took all of that time? Why, you could have had your answer right away if she knew all along that she wasn't interested in you! Why did you waste all of that time?!!!

 

Get to the point guys. Your time is every bit as valuable as a girls time and there are billions of people on the planet. Quit waisting your time chasing someone who may not be interested in you for a long period of time. You can safely ask just about any girl out within 3 meetings and get an answer as to whether or not she is interest in pursuing a relationship with you.

 

Also she is still yound and cant exactly know her feelings.. A girl wont say YES I LIKE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU just because a guy told her i like you even if she is interested except some girls who just like the dating game and not ture love...

 

Wait a minute... so this girl is stupid? She is young and can't know her feelings? What kind of crap is that? What an insult! I don't think this girl is a mindless robot, she knows exactly how she feels. And girls can and do say that they also like a guy if she really does. Especially if he is asking her. She doesn't make up excuses and blow him off. It can happen, but more often then not you can get an answer from her directly or if not and she is shy, you should be able to find out pretty quickly from her friends. If you keep finding yourself blown off, then she isn't interest. Her actions would be speaking louder than words.

[Dating Coach]

Something else, Dating now became a game and i really dont like this at all.. It suppose to be foundation of pure love but now it became a place for playing mind games and decieving.. I dont say that a person must be so naiive.. Some spicy stuff can be ok but mostly follow your heart.

and following your heart doesnt mean also you keep on going after her.. A heart without mind is useless.. Just dont take it as a game, if you really like her and you see that you both are compaitable things will be fine If God wills.

 

It's not a game. It's just that men and women communicate differently. Are you going to curse the gods that she doesn't speak manese and you don't speak womanese? Are you going to be upset that a girl doesn't tell you, "Look, I honestly think you are completely unattractive, both emotionally and physically, and you annoy me with your flattering me all of the time. I wish you would just piss off and leave me alone." I am not saying that this is what girls think when you ask them out, but just as an example that it is extremely uncomfortable for someone to be completely honest with you all of the time. But they don't have to be for you to understand that they are not interested. Their actions tell you all that you need to know. If you ask someone out and they give you excuses constantly or they avoid you, then they are not interested in you. That's not how interested people act.

[justwonderingkid]

uhm just a lil note for you guys

1. high school is alot different because when you ask someone out you two are then bf/gf

2. we were "unofficially together" about a year ago and i screwed up.. long story

3. ive known her for quite a long time.. 3-4 years (well not THAT long)

4. she said yes when i asked her out today

 

CASE CLOSED

[lorrie17]

i thought you original letter was so charming and tender and just like i remember high school. we always had some one else ask the other person first to see if they were interested. i think when she told you she was not ready that is all it meant, slow down. get to know her. let yourselves trust each other. remember girls have some body issues and pressure from other girls and magazines. i think you both seem very sweet and it takes me back. good luck but remember you are putting yourself out there and you could get hurt in the end but for me... it was worth it and i will always remember my high school first love. lor

[AlwaysNeedHelp]

uhm just a lil note for you guys

1. high school is alot different because when you ask someone out you two are then bf/gf

2. we were "unofficially together" about a year ago and i screwed up.. long story

3. ive known her for quite a long time.. 3-4 years (well not THAT long)

4. she said yes when i asked her out today

 

CASE CLOSED

 

wow good News !!

 

Ok DiggityDog, Being a girl's best pal that could be a death sign but normal friendships are ok..

 

, "Look, I honestly think you are completely unattractive, both emotionally and physically, and you annoy me with your flattering me all of the time. I wish you would just piss off and leave me alone." .

 

Did i say that women must do this ? And by being nice to a man without hurting his feelings is not the type of games that iam talking about.. I just meant that special tactics some people use and read over the net.. Those stupid love systems found on the internet..

 

Second thing, i didnt say the girl was stupid... Not knowing exactly how she feels doesnt mean she is stupid.. If a person came to a girl and told her i like you.. She dont know him for example or dont know him to the level that they can have a relationship.. Do you think she will know how to feel about him ? she could be interested down in her mind but ofcourse she wont be sure.. Thats not about this girl alone but thats something everyone do.. Again no one will say Heyyyy yes ofcourse i like just because the other one told them i like you...

 

Third thing, Do you think that thing you saw in few minutes is love ? How can you love someone in few minutes ? trust him/her in few minutes ? Know him in few minutes ? OK these situations you are talking about are about people who date then see whether they are interested or not.. Whether they are compaitable or not.. Like how can they get interested (Like/love you ) in few minutes.. Thats rediculous !! That would be a superficial judgement about the person.. You actually have to know the person well to love him/her..

 

Anyways, the case closed as you said wondering kid , hope you the best.

[AlwaysNeedHelp]

i thought you original letter was so charming and tender and just like i remember high school. we always had some one else ask the other person first to see if they were interested. i think when she told you she was not ready that is all it meant, slow down. get to know her. let yourselves trust each other. remember girls have some body issues and pressure from other girls and magazines. i think you both seem very sweet and it takes me back. good luck but remember you are putting yourself out there and you could get hurt in the end but for me... it was worth it and i will always remember my high school first love. lor

 

very true !

[Markers]

ok just when you're talking about high school, don't assume that the same rules apply everywhere. In my high school there was some really mature people, who dated and did things just like any "adult". Then there was some base school drama people who, without even knowing eachother, based on a crush, said they loved eachother and made first initial contact like "I love you, do you want to be my girl/boyfriend".

[Dating Coach]

i didnt say the girl was stupid... Not knowing exactly how she feels doesnt mean she is stupid.. If a person came to a girl and told her i like you.. She dont know him for example or dont know him to the level that they can have a relationship.. Do you think she will know how to feel about him?

 

Most girls I know who have any sense of maturity would be completely turned off by a guy walking up to her and saying, "Hey, I like you" when she doesn't even know him. I think if you are going to use examples, then find one more realistic to use.

 

Third thing, Do you think that thing you saw in few minutes is love ? How can you love someone in few minutes ? trust him/her in few minutes ? Know him in few minutes?

 

OK these situations you are talking about are about people who date then see whether they are interested or not.. Whether they are compaitable or not.. Like how can they get interested (Like/love you ) in few minutes.. Thats rediculous !! That would be a superficial judgement about the person.. You actually have to know the person well to love him/her..

 

What are you talking about? I never said anything about knowing someone in a few minutes or loving someone in a few minutes. Where are you getting this from?

[Dating Coach]

she said yes when i asked her out today.

 

Congrats! However don't count your chickens before they hatch. Keep us updated on the progress of your relationship.

 

As you found out, it's best to pursue and ask the person out rather than sitting there wondering for months on end whether or not the girl likes you. Good job on mustering up your courage and going for it! That's the way to go!

[AlwaysNeedHelp]

hey, what you want to say is that she is not interested because her reactions and actions after she knew ?

 

Well ok she didnt show some great signs and i agree.. You could be right but i was giving another explanation to her actions... It could be right and could be not.. All what we are saying are possibilities..

 

Maybe she isnt interested as you said or maybe she is interested but for whatever reason this happened... I was looking to it form the good side.. and again still i could be wrong.. Anyways yeah keep us updated, you still have alot to do..

[justwonderingkid]

well yeah we're bf/gf now. so thats good, but i still notice she sometimes seem a lil weird around me.. her best friend told me its probably because shes never had anything with any guy before me.. plus theres like a million people at school coming up to us and saying sometihng every now and then (freshman i dont know come up to me, sophomores she doesnt know come up to her, etc).. although it seems like shes a bit uncomfortable around me i guess im okay with that for now.. i mean friday was the last day i saw her and as of friday it had only been 2 days.. and someone said something about her knowing and trusting me.. ive known her for about 3 years, so yeah. thanks, ill try to keep you guys updated.

 

oh and is it the guys job to grab her hand and hold it and stuff like that. i suppose im a bit new to this bf/gf stuff too x]

[Dating Coach]

well yeah we're bf/gf now. so thats good, but i still notice she sometimes seem a lil weird around me.. her best friend told me its probably because shes never had anything with any guy before me..

 

Why are you interrigating her friends about her? Stop that right now. Just be yourself and relax.

 

plus theres like a million people at school coming up to us and saying sometihng every now and then (freshman i dont know come up to me, sophomores she doesnt know come up to her, etc)..

 

Oh geez, the retardedness of High School. How did I forget?

 

 

oh and is it the guys job to grab her hand and hold it and stuff like that. i suppose im a bit new to this bf/gf stuff too x]

 

Yes. NEVER stop and ask her for directions, just do it without putting any drama into it. IE NO ASKING. The more attention YOU draw to issues then the more of an issure it becomes. Just be confident and do the things you want to do. RELAX.

[justwonderingkid]

i dont usually ask her friends. her friends talk to me on instant messenger or tell me sometime at school about stuff. lol. they know me pretty well too because ive been thier friend for a while as well.