Affair

[Blues_saraceno]

I was hoping some people could give me some insight in this.

 

I am a 25 year old male having an affair with a 28 year old female.

 

She is attractive and fun. I am not attractive or fun really but she thinks the world of me and wishes she could be with me. but she doesn't want to leave her husband cause she says she needs to be somewhere safe. when i tell how i feel she says i hurt her all the time with my words.

 

Should I wait till she leaves someday or move on. I don't think i can even get a girlfriend. If this is all i can get should i keep it like this?

This relationship gives me alot of anxiety and its hard to get out of.

 

Some insight would be appretiated.

[musicchicus]

Honestly, sounds like you love this woman. Based on this assumption...move on.

 

If you liked her, but truly didn't care whether she left her husband or not, that would be different (don't get me wrong, I don't condone cheating on a spouse EVER, but thats another post). But its clear that you WANT her to leave him...BUT CHANCES ARE THAT SHE NEVER WILL.

 

I know this is harsh and am sorry. But lets face it, statistics show...something like 85% of cheating spouse's NEVER leave - especially women.

 

Even if she did, why would you want to be with her? First of all, ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER!!!! But also, you already feel she's better than you...now that you KNOW she cheats, can you imagine the worry and concern you will carry once she is yours alone? Don't do that to yourself!

 

Sounds to me like you need to spend some time taking care of yourself, rework your look, get your hair cut, buy new clothes, whatever it takes to make YOU FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOU!!! You need to build some self esteem...then and only then might you be able to have a real relationship with this woman (although, its sounds to me like she picked someone who had self esteem intentionally...this way she knows that you are not going to rock the boat and ruin things with hubby).

 

But the truth is, once you get some self worth...you won't need or probably want her anymore.

 

Best of luck

 

---[added by Secret_Agent_Man from a later post by musicchicus]---

 

Correction:

 

Forgive...she picked someone who DID NOT have self esteem.

 

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[glassbell]

Hi Blues_saraceno

 

I'm sorry to hear you are in such a difficult situation. You are having a secret relationship with a married woman, but as I read your message, I see it mostly brings you anxiety and negative emotions. You feel less than her and feel you are not worthy enough to have her, and she has told you she doesn't want to leave her husband for the sake of your affair because she needs a safe place. So you feel basically second choice.

 

Well.. it doesn't sound like the situation makes you very happy, (not to mention her husband who is being cheated on..). You are not happy now, and you will not get any happiness from it in the future either, since she just won't leave her husband. Of course I have no deep insight in your situation, and please forgive me if I am wrong, but it seems to me that you are only with her because you fear you won't get any other girlfriend.

 

So if you go on with this and do not decide to move on and forget about her, basically you will be settling for less. Please do not settle for less just because you fear you won't get another girl.. I am sure you would find another, you're only 25 after all, and even if you'd be alone for a while, at least you'd be living you own, pure and honest life without anxiety about a married woman who you're only second place to.

 

I hope this was of any help for you, good luck

~Glassbell